Bitter Sweet Symphony

I can’t change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

~~~~

I just stood there staring at all three of them has Julianna gave out hugs to each one. They hadn’t met her yet but I had shown them pictures and told stories and they had talked to her on and off since I had been back. She must have told them our address because I know I sure as hell didn’t in case Brian showed up.

Julianna pushed me back inside the apartment and welcomed everyone in. I was still in so much shock. I hadn’t even really heard from any of them since I first left Germany.

“Hey Alina not gonna say hello?”

“I…what…huh?”

Zacky laughed.

“I see our plan worked”

“Mhmm we managed to surprise you!”

My mind was spinning around so fast but one thought kept coming to the front…

Brian…

“Is it just you three?”

“What? Oh yeah it’s just us. Everyone else was busy.”

I let out a deep sigh of relief and plopped down on the couch. I suddenly realized how exhausted I was. Gena looked around our small apartment.

“What no tour?”

I looked over at Julianna.

She just shrugged her shoulders.

“And no hug. Man Alina you’re slackin”

“I’m sorry guys I’m just shocked and tired at the moment. It’s been a long week or two”

“We can understand that”

I stood up and gave each of them a hug.

“Well this is the living room, over there is kitchen, to the right back here is my room, next to it is the bathroom, and next to that is Julianna’s room. That’s pretty much it.”

I know I wasn’t being very friendly but I was trying to avoid them finding out I was pregnant. Because I was pretty sure it wouldn’t take them long to figure out it was Brian’s and that more than us kissing at the party had happened.

“So how long are you guys in New York?”

Thank you Julianna for starting conversation.

“About a week. And we were told to bring back a full report on Alina, because she hasn’t been answering our e-mails or calls for a few months now”

I gulped has all three…no four of them glared at me.

“What I’ve been busy!”

“Oh bulls shit Alina”

I was shocked at how Johnny and Julianna said that at the exact same time. I looked at them both weirdly. I felt that something was going on there.

“I just…idk…I’ve just been trying to forget parts of my Germany trip. Sorry”

Gena walked up and gave me a hug.

“I know you’re still upset over Brian. And he is too. He almost came with us”

I went rigid in Gena’s arms and looked over at Julianna with a look of horror on my face that matched her own.

“What?”

“Yeah but he figured you wouldn’t want to see him”

“Well he’s damn right I don’t want to see him right now”

Crap Alina

Gena pulled back and looked at me weirdly. I had been thinking about our baby when she had mentioned him. That would have been awkward if he had come. To see him and have to explain.

“You okay Alina?”

“Oh she’s fine just a little different since you all last saw her”

Julianna was glaring at me and I could tell she wanted me to tell them about the baby.

“How so?”

“Nothing…just…a little changed since Germany. Let’s not talk about that. What do you guys want to do while you’re in New York?”

“A lot of stuff and you better be joining us missy”

“I’ll have to see I have a lot of work”

“No you don’t I called Roger and you’re on vacation. He said you’ve been stressed lately so it would probably be good for you”

“Wow he’s never that nice”

“Yeah. So why you so stressed Alina Babe?”

“Just…a lot of shit going on”

Julianna coughed loudly and kept glaring at me.

“Julianna you okay?”

“Oh I’m great. You should invite the rest of the guys to come out. I know Jimmy would be thrilled to see Alina”

“Oh I’m sure he would be. He’s had the most contact with her.”

“And Brian shouldn’t be so scared to come out. Maybe he wants to apologize for what happened in Berlin.”

Now it was my turn to glare at her.

“No I don’t think Brian coming out here would be a good idea Julianna.”

With that she walked forward and practically dragged me into her room shutting the door behind her. She rounded on me so fast it made my head spin.

“Tell…Them”

“No”

“Why not?”

“Because they’ll tell Brian”

“You don’t know that”

I gave Julianna my “yeah right” look and she fought back a smile.

“Look you just need to face the facts. He’s gonna find out eventually. Just get it over with”

“No you don’t understand Juls. He called me a slut…I can’t go through that again. I can’t do that right now. Not with how I am right now”

“So now you’re afraid to say the word”

“At the moment with them her I sure as hell am”

“Tell them or I will”

“Do you want to die in your sleep?”

“Come on Alina it won’t be that bad”

“And how the hell do you know?”

“I don’t know”

“Exactly”

“Just tell them”

“No”

“Alina I swear to God if you don’t tell them that you’re pre…”

“DON’T SAY IT!”

“Oh I’ll say it!”

“Don’t you dare!”

“PREGNANT JUST TELL THEM YOU’RE PREGNANT AND IT’S BRIAN’S BABY!!!!”

With that I tackled Julianna to the ground and covered her mouth.

“SHUT UP SHUT UP! I’M NOT GOING TO TELL THEM THAT I’M HAVING BRIAN’S KID!!!!”

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. We both looked up and Julianna licked my hand.

“Oh God ew”

I pulled my hand away and wiped it on my pants. Julianna sprang up and answered her door. Zacky was standing there with Gena and Johnny right behind him.

“You guys okay. We heard yelling”

I sat up and messed with my shirt so that it would cover my bump. Harder to do when you’re sitting.

Zacky walked over and held out his hand to help me up. I accepted and he helped me to my feet. I had to resist the urge to put my hand on my stomach. I fixed my shirt and just looked at them.

“Thanks”

“No problem”

Zacky, Gena, and Johnny were all looking at me weird.

“What!?”

Just then I felt something move in my stomach. I quickly grabbed my stomach and just as quickly pulled it away. Julianna just smiled at me evilly and everyone else just looked at me in wonder.

“What?”

Gena took a step towards me.

“We know. We heard you two. We were right outside the door listening. Plus the magazines and pile of toys in your room.”

“Heard what?”

Zacky let out a loud groan.

“That you’re having Syn’s baby!”

I couldn’t help the look of pain at the mention of his name.

“Don’t say his name. Don’t you dare say his name”

“Why not it’s his isn’t it”

“Of course it fucking is. I was a virgin until that night!”

“I can’t believe this. We knew you two had sex but this”

I looked up at Zacky in shock.

“You…knew? How?”

“Brian told us. He was really messed up and he told us why. Of course we wouldn’t stop badgering him either. But he told us. Plus Johnny heard Brian and someone yelling the morning after the party and he figured it was you two after a one night stand or something.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah. Brian’s sorry for how he treated you. He told us he treated you like crap the next morning, because he was mad at himself for using you like he did. Or at least he felt like he did.”

“He didn’t use me…I wanted it too…but I don’t believe him”

“Why not?”

“All he did was lie to me and make me feel like shit. Why would he be any different now?”

“Come on Alina he feels like crap but is too scared to tell you.”

“Good. Because I don’t want to talk to him right now anyway”

“Come on Alina. He deserves to know about his own kid. I assume you’re keeping it”

I looked down at the ground.

“Yes…”

“So tell him then”

I looked up at Zacky with tears in my eyes.

“I…I can’t…it hurts too much. Besides you don’t know what he said to me. What he called me after the night. You don’t know how he made me feel. How much I’ve cried since then. It’s killing me that I’m carrying his child but I can’t give it up because I love this baby. Just like I love Brian. But I swear to God if you tell him I will be forever pissed at you. He doesn’t deserve to know. Not after he called me what he did.”

Gena rubbed my arm with her hand.

“What did he call you?”

I closed my eyes has the tears started to fall.

I took a deep breath.

“He called me a slut, whore, and bitch”

I heard everyone gasp and Johnny and Zacky speak at the same time,

“I’m gonna kill him”