Bitter Sweet Symphony

I can’t change, I can’t change

~~~~

I stared at Johnny and Zacky in shock. I honestly wasn’t expecting that reaction from them. Obviously neither did Julianna or Gena because both of them were looking at them in shock too.

“I can’t fucking believe him!”

“I know right!”

“How could he do that!? Say those things to you!”

I just rubbed my stomach. For some reason that helped me to calm down

Weird right?

Gena glanced at me and smiled a little bit. I just looked at her funny.

“What?”

“Nothing just you looked happy there for a second”

“Oh well…I don’t know why…makes me calm…maybe it’s because I have a baby in me and I need to stay calm in order to keep it healthy.”

“Oh NOW you’re thinking about keeping it healthy!”

“Shut up Julianna!”

“No speak Julianna”

“Up until two or so weeks ago missy here didn’t want to go to the doctors or anything.”

“What!?”

I looked up has all three of them looked at me shocked.

“What?”

“How could you not want to take care of yourself?”

I took a deep breath.

“I was in denial. I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want to believe that I was carrying his baby.”

At that Zacky and Johnny’s expressions softened and they both grabbed me up into a group hug.

“Woah baby on board”

They pulled back smiling.

“Sorry”

“We’re still gonna kill him though”

“Please don’t”

“What?”

“Don’t say why. Please. Don’t say it because I’m pregnant and scared of him. Just…oh God I don’t know anymore”

I walked over and sat down on Julianna’s bed and fought back tears. Damn hormones won’t cut me a break.

“I swear she spends a part of everyday crying. That’s how badly he hurt her. And how much he’s royally screwed her over. He doesn’t have to deal with any of this. But she does. And I suffer right along with her. But she really doesn’t want him to know. And has much has I don’t wanna say this…I agree with her. Telling Brian right now probably isn’t going to make things better.

“I’m not telling him ever”

“Alina…”

“No Gena…no”

“Okay”

I could tell that this wasn’t over with them but they didn’t want to upset me further.

“Can we still kill him for what he called you?”

“Go right ahead I won’t stop you”

“Yes!”

Zacky and Johnny high-fived.

The three of us girls just shook our heads. Men.

~~~~ Two Days Later ~~~~

I was standing in front of my closet frowning. I was spending the day with Zacky and Gena. They wouldn’t tell me what we were doing but they promised it had nothing to do with any of the other guys. Even though when they were over last night Brian called both Zacky AND Johnny but neither of them answered. They were still pissed at him and that was just fine by me.

“UGHHHHH JULSSSSS!!!!!!!!”

Julianna came running into my room with her brush in her hand and half her hair pulled up in a clip. She was going out with Johnny today. See told you something was going on there between them!

Anyway she was in the middle of getting herself ready.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t have anything to wear. All of my crap is too small or dirty”

Julianna started rummaging around in my closet.

I actually thought I lost her for a minute when she came tumbling out of my closet holding a few things up in the air.

“Here!”

She handed me a pink print baby doll top. It was old but it would probably suffice for today. It was flowing so I should be able to get away with it. She also had a long striped cardigan that my mom had sent me. It was for pregnant woman so it would cover me up nicely.

“I need pants babe”

“Wear the pants you wore the other day”

“Dirty?”

“So one more day isn’t going to kill them”

I just shrugged my shoulders and dug them out. I changed while Julianna went back to getting ready. I had just tied my pink dance converse on my feet when the doorbell rang. I walked over to the door and opened it to be attacked by Gena.

“Woah hey there Gena”

“Hey Alina I’m soooo glad that you’re coming with us today!”

“Well you didn’t give me much of a choice there”

“We sure didn’t. You need some cheering up and Zacky and I are just the two to do it.”

At that moment Zacky and Johnny came walking down the hallway. Johnny in a nice shirt and jacket paired with a nice pair of jeans.

“Well don’t we look fancy Johnny”

Johnny just blushed and walked past me into the apartment.

He sat down on the couch. I let Zacky and Gena in and went to Julianna’s room.

“Juls Johnny’s here”

“I’ll be right out”

I walked over to the couch and sat down placing a hand absentmindedly on my stomach.

“Brian called me again today”

I looked up has Zacky spoke.

“What?”

“He called.”

“Did you answer?”

“…Yes…”

“Oh God”

“Don’t worry. I didn’t tell him. But he did ask how you were doing.”

“What did you say?”

“That you were good despite the fact that he treated you like shit and I said he had some explaining to do when I got back to California.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

“What’d he say to that?”

“I don’t know I hung up before he could say anything else.”

I started laughing when I heard the door to Julianna’s room open. She came out and I heard Zacky whistle. Gena smacked him.

Julianna was wearing a light black pencil skirt, a really pretty purple top, a nice fitted black blazer, and gorgeous black heels with a lace pattern. She had her purple bag/purse with her and was wearing purple eye shadow. She also had on black bangles and the black necklace I had gotten her for Christmas. Suffice to say she was smoking.

“You look great”

“Thanks Johnny. You don’t look so bad yourself”

A few minutes later we all left. Johnny and Julianna went off on their date and I was dragged all around Manhattan by Zacky and Gena. Apparently Julianna had told them how I don’t have a lot of maternity clothes due to my lack of money at the moment, because I’m having to start saving for when the baby comes.

It felt like hours later before I was able to relax and take a break. I swear they bought me a whole new damn wardrobe. No matter how much I protested that I didn’t need that much. They bought me clothes for now and clothes for when I was further along. It was insane. But I couldn’t exactly say no, because they would’ve bought it anyway and left it at the apartment and I would’ve caved and worn it all when I couldn’t fit into anything else.

Of course I got home before Julianna so Zacky and Gena stayed with me. Gena helped me organize all of my clothes and pack the clothes I couldn’t wear right now away in a box or two. She also looked at the little bit of toys and onesies I had gotten for Christmas for the baby. She was ooing and ahhing the crap out of everything and Zacky kept yelling at her that they weren’t going to have a baby anytime soon. To which she would just yell back at him.

By 9 p.m. I was exhausted but offered for Zacky and Gena to stay here until Julianna got back. They didn’t like to leave me alone. Don’t ask why I gave up on that argument.

I was asleep by 10 p.m. and didn’t wake up until Julianna shook me awake the next morning at 11am.

~~~~ Two Weeks Later ~~~~

I was sitting in the waiting room for my ob-gyn appointment. Julianna was with me and I had strict instructions to call Gena if I found out if it was a boy or a girl. I was nervous and bouncing my legs up and down. That and I had to pee. Again.

It wasn’t much longer before I was called into the room. When the doctor walked in I had to yell at Julianna to stop texting Johnny. Seriously you would think they had other things to do but I swear they were texting 24/7.

“Well everything looks good here. Heartbeats normal and it all looks good. You’re doing everything right finally.”

“Hey!”

“I’m just teasing you Alina. Now would you like to know the sex?”

My ears perked up and Julianna looked up from her phone. Great NOW she pays attention.

“You can tell?”

“Mhmm the babies in the perfect position”

I looked at Julianna who just nodded her head yes repeatedly.

“Okay. Tell me”

I took a deep breath and prayed no boy, no boy, no boy.

It worked.

“It’s a girl. You can see there, no penis. It’s a girl. Congratulations”

“Thank-you God”

Alina you need to stop doing that

“Sorry I just really wanted a girl”

To this the doctor only laughed while Julianna shook her head.

I was so happy. I wouldn’t have a boy. I wasn’t going to have a boy to remind me of his father. I just hope the rest of my prayer worked. I was hoping it would work so badly.

I hope she doesn’t look like her father.