Bitter Sweet Symphony

And I’m a million different people
From day to the next

~~~~ Midnight ~~~~

I woke up from my deep sleep to the sound of someone knocking on the door. I rolled over and pulled my other pillow over my head.

Noooo Sleeeeeeep

The knocking continued.

And it was growing louder.

I groaned and rolled over looking at my clock.

It was exactly midnight.

What the hell?

“Ughhhh”

I reluctantly rolled out of bed and slid on my blue and purple slippers and started to trudge towards the door. The only reason I was even getting up was because I didn’t want Brianna to wake up and they obviously weren’t going away.

“Whoever this is I’m going to kill you” I practically growled has I opened the door.

My eyes widened and I instantly woke up.

For standing there looking like a hot and I mean HOTT mess was Brian.

He smiled sheepishly at me.

“Hey”

“What the hell Brian? Do you know what fucking time it is!?”

“Um…”

He pulled out his phone and looked at the time.

“Oh shit it’s after midnight. Crap I’m sorry I didn’t know that”

He put his phone back in his pocket and looked up at me.

“Are you drunk or something?”

“Actually…no not anymore…I was earlier…but…Jimmy wouldn’t let me come until I sobered up”

“Smart man. Now go away I won’t want Bree waking up”

I went to shut the door but Brian put his hand out and grabbed the edge of the door. With his other hand he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

“Please Alina…I need to talk to you…Please…it can’t wait…Please”

The look in his eyes was the exact same look Brianna had given me when I caved and brought her to meet him. The same look in those same eyes that I just can’t say no too.

I sighed.

“Fine but not inside I’m not waking up Bree. She’s a nightmare if she’s woken up earlier than needed. At least she got something from me.”

I opened the door and making sure it was unlocked I stepped outside the apartment, shutting the door behind me.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

“What?”

Brian bit his lip and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck.

We stood there in silence for a few minutes.

“Great just great.”

I turned to walk back in but he grabbed my arm.

“Wait…I’m sorry I…I just don’t know how to start this.”

“Start what?”

“My apology. I was a jerk okay. No I was worse than a jerk. I made her cry. I made my daughter cry…”

“Our daughter”

“God Alina you know what I mean. Brianna…OUR daughter. I made her cry. I…I didn’t mean to do that I…I just…lost it. You make no effort to contact me and all Zacky will tell me is that you’re fine but won’t say anything else. I begged and begged and begged for any news on you but they all stayed shut. Even when Jimmy ran into you in Baltimore that one day he just said you looked the same and were doing great. He said you had a glow about you but that was it. No one would tell me anything. I even contacted your boss but he said he couldn’t give out any information on you. It went against policy.”

Way to go Roger. Remind me to thank him later

“All I wanted was to come see you…but…I thought that you hated me…so I stayed away…I didn’t want to show up and have you still hating me. I…I didn’t know what to do. And when I finally do see you. It takes you two days to tell me we have a kid. And even then you bring her in, in front of everyone. I freaked out okay. I didn’t know what to do. It scared me…it still scares me.”

“You could have still handled it better”

“Why do you think I’m here so late? After you left and I saw how upset you were and I saw Brianna looking at me…she was scared of me…seeing that…I broke down. My dressing room’s a mess, my hotel room is a mess, and I got wasted off my ass and Jimmy had to tie me down in order to keep me in his room so that I wouldn’t come to you, because I found your address in Gena’s phone while I was walking around drunk off my ass. I don’t want to be that guy I was earlier. I want to be the Brian I’ve been the past 7 years. The Brian you AND Brianna deserve. I want to be there for you AND her. I don’t want you to hate me anymore. Either of you. I don’t want to lose you again, because I’m being an ass and can’t accept my feelings for you. I love you Alina…I always have and I always will”

At that moment I realized how close we were. I was so focused on what he was saying that I didn’t even notice that he had been slowly inching towards me so that our faces were inches apart and I was up against the wall outside my apartment, his hands on either side of me against the wall.

“Please…give me one more chance…”

I looked away then back at him. My head was screaming to not believe him but my heart was saying to give him one last chance to redeem himself. To prove that he was the man he said he was now. I looked back at him, at those dark chocolate brown eyes.

“You have one last chance. I advise you don’t blow it or you will never see Brianna again. Do you understand? It might be better to get back into her good graces but not with me. You have a shit load of making up to do.”

And with that I walked away from him and into my apartment shutting the door behind me. I slid down against the closed door and just sat there until I heard a door open. I looked up to see Julianna standing in the doorway to her room.

“You heard everything?”

“Every last word. I had to high tail it back to my room when I heard you coming back in.”

I gave a small laugh.

I just sat there in silence for a minute.

“Am I doing the right thing?”

Julianna came and sat down next to me. She put an arm around my shoulder and laid her head on my shoulder.

“Yes. But I swear to God I’ll kill him if he screws this up again.”

I laughed at Julianna and gave her a hug.

I hope he doesn’t screw it up either

~~~~~ The Next Day ~~~~~

“Well here we go again”

“Mommy I’m scared”

I crouched down in front of Brianna.

“I know hunny I know but I talked to Brian and…he wants one more chance okay? He said he overreacted and it wasn’t right what he said. He was just really shocked and he wants to make it up to us okay? Just try for mommy okay?”

“Okay”

“If you not okay after a while we can leave okay? If you’re not comfortable just tell me and we’ll go home. Deal?”

“Deal”

I gave Brianna a big hug and stood up. She was clutching her doll with all of her might and she wouldn’t let go of my hand. The elevator binged and opened. I walked out with Brianna following behind me slowly not daring to let go of my hand. She had her backpack on her back and she was nervous I could just tell.

We stopped at the end of the hall and I turned to look at Brianna.

“You okay baby?”

She just shook her head and I reached out and knocked on the door. I heard someone running and it was flung open and there stood Jimmy with a huge smile on his face.

“Alina Sweetheart! And Brianna Sweetie!”

Jimmy reached out and grabbed Brianna up into a hug and swung her around, showering her with kisses. I could hear her giggling.

“Okay Jimmy Bear if she pukes its on YOU to clean her up”

With that Jimmy plopped Brianna down and jumped away.

I couldn’t help but smile. I walked forward and grabbed Brianna’s hand.

“Well…where is he?”

Jimmy looked to his side.

“He’s in his room, come in and I’ll go get him. He has a monster headache right now”

I grumbled under my breath, “Can’t imagine why”

Jimmy smirked at me and stepped aside to let us in. Once the door was shut he walked over to a room off of the main room and knocked before entering. I walked over to the couch and put my purse down and pulled Brianna’s backpack off. She still clung onto her doll though. I pulled her up onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her. I could hear Jimmy talking to someone before he came out.

"He’s coming one minute."

“Okay”

Jimmy walked over and sat down in the armchair next to the couch.

“I would give you two I mean three some privacy but I don’t Brianna to get scared for life when you two start to make out”

“Jimmy Sullivan!”

I heard Brianna giggle and turn to look at me.

“I like what Uncie Jimmy said.”

“Of course you would”

I simply just glowered at Jimmy who only shrugged and nodded his head in the direction of Brian’s room. I turned my head and saw Brian standing there just staring at us. Brianna slid back into me and clutched her doll even tighter.

Brian walked over to us but stopped a few feet away. He crouched down so that he was more on eye level with Brianna and me. He smiled that killer smile of his.

“Hi”

Brianna didn’t say anything. Brian looked up at me with a pained expression.

I slid Brianna off of my lap so that she was standing on the floor in front of me.

“Say hi sweetie”

“Hi,” her voice came out all squeaky I could see Brian flinch.

I’m glad he knew how much he had scared her yesterday.

“I’m sorry for what I said yesterday Brianna. I was upset and shocked. I didn’t know you existed. I had not right to behave that way. Can we start over and forget yesterday?”

Brianna looked over at Jimmy who nodded and then back at me. I kissed the top of her head and nudged her forward a little bit.

“…Okay…D…”

Brianna looked back at me confused. I instantly knew that she didn’t know what to call him. After all he had yelled at her to not call him daddy. I just shot Brian a quick glare.

He cleared his throat.

“I didn’t mean what I said yesterday Brianna. You can call me daddy. In fact…I would actually like that. But if not…Brian is okay”

I saw hope in his eyes.

Brianna looked at him and then back and me, then at Jimmy, me, then Brian again. She slowly walked forward and stopped a foot away from him still clutching her doll.

“Hi daddy”

I almost thought I saw tears in Brian’s eyes has he opened up his arms and Brianna walked into them and he hugged her for the first time. It didn’t take long before Brianna had her arms tight around his neck in a hug back.

Brian looked at me over Brianna’s shoulder and mouthed, “Thank-you”.

I just smiled slightly.

“Don’t screw it up again man”

Jimmy I couldn’t have said it better myself