Like a Million Lights

The room was dark and dull, the kind of room where you have to be gloomy and desperate. Those were the kinds of people that they kept in this building, this treatment. The only sound that echoed against the grey wall was the tapping noise from my foot. It was dimmed in the room because the only lighting source that came into the room was from a small window. When I leaned back on my seat, the steel door swung open and revealing my counselor, Mrs. West.

Her warm smile adorned her lips like always, but I knew that she wasn’t the warm woman she was on the inside. She did things to me that no one probably wouldn’t even think off with a clear sense. The first time I arrived here, she greeted me warmly but when she got me alone, she tied me up and treated me like I needed to get exorcised.

She sat down on the chair across me and folded her arms on the table before smiling to me. “So, Marisa, how are you feeling?”

“It’s Mariza, not Marisa. With a Z.”, I spat with venom dripping from my every word. “And how am I feeling? Well, I’m feeling rather bright like you wanted me to.”, I faked a smile.

“Well, today is the day you would go home and live a normal life again.”

“How can I be normal?”, I scoffed and narrowed my eyes on her. “Do you think I could go la di da to Arizona and every one would accept me after what I’ve done to them?”

Mrs. West shrugged her straight shoulders and tapped her long fingernails on the table. “I don’t know. As I told you, forgiveness take time, even if it’s long or short, they’d forgive you.”
I gnawed on the inside of my bottom lip. There was one particular person that probably wouldn’t even forgive me even if I would beg and down on my knees. The last time I saw him, he was staring at me with cold eyes and left me like everyone else did. The little things he said about wouldn’t leave me before the world ends or whatever rang in my ears again. I pushed my eyes shut closed and pulled my legs up onto the chair, hugging them with my arms.

“Mariza, if you’re not ready yet, you could stay here…”, Mrs. West gently offered, with a real sincerity on her voice. I quickly shook my head and covered my ears with my hands. “Mariza.”

“No! Please no! I want to go home!”, I cried and noticed that hot, fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. “Please, I want to sleep in my own bed.”

Mrs. West stood up from her seat and went over to me before stroking my head gently. It had been a long time since the last time someone did that to me, so I leaned my head on her stomach. “It’s okay, Mariza, I understand.”

I nodded and wiped my tears away with the back of my hands. “I just want to go home. I can’t take it anymore here.”

“I’ll prepare the papers for you and I called your brother to pick you up. He sounded excited for you to come home.”, she told me softly and kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you. All of them were for your own good.”

“Okay.”, that was the only thing that could came into my mind.

She left me alone so I could pull myself together and to get the papers I’ve to deal with. It was nice to hear someone was excited for me to come home and a lot better that it was Tanner. He took care of me when I got into trouble and the one who defended me when our parents were going to send me to rehab. I looked up to the small window and frowned a little; I was going home. Going home to face the past in the present.