Like a Million Lights

It was five minutes before show time and I was already standing in the crowd, in front of the stage. Dirk didn't send me to get pictures because it was his job, but I wanted to take pictures of my own and because I wanted to, plus I really wanted to show Dirk what I could do. Some people that were in the front gave me a spot because of my pass. They weren't pissed or anything, they even asked me a few questions about The Maine.

When the lights went out, the crowd erupted into screams and it stabbed my ear drums in a good way. The euphoria boiled inside of me and I could feel it streamed into my fingertips. Joel came out to the stage with a wide smile spread on his face. "How you guys doin' tonight?!", he exclaimed through the mic. The others started the music to Hopeful Romantic and I could feel that the crowd was starting to jump along to the music. When Joel started to sing, they sang a long.

It had been a long time since the last time I saw him smiling like that. Being on stage was Joel's thing and he was happy to be on stage. The smile he had was the smile that I used to see before we got into the fight. I was in the crowd so he probably didn't notice me there, so I aimed my camera on him freely and took a couple pictures. When they got to So Cruel, our eyes accidentally met. His eyes turned sharp and hard, and he sang like he had a lump in his throat. My smile instantly dropped when he sang the line "You can be so cruel, I was such a fool", it got me right in the heart.

The set ended with To Love And Back and then, Joel said his goodbye before rushing out from the stage. I still stood there, felt like my legs were stuck on the ground. The crews prepared the stage for the next set, which was Austin's. When he went out onto the stage, I was still deep in my thoughts so I didn't even notice him. His first song was I Like The Ones and I swore he had his eyes on me all the time.

I looked up to him and stuttered, forgot to take pictures of him. As I looked through the peek hole of my camera, Austin winked at me and I got that on picture. I giggled because of that but I decided to go backstage. After making my way through the crowd, I went out from the venue to go back from the outside, but I saw Joel was out by the merch booth. He was sitting down on the beach chair while Vito, who was looking for something for a customer while they were laughing along. I looked down so Joel wouldn't noticed me, but my luck said otherwise.

"Mariza!", Joel called me and I stopped on my track. My eyes froze to the asphalt parking lot, but they peeked from the corners and saw Joel already walking towards me. I bit my tongue lightly as a reminder to not curse. When he was already in front of me, I kept my head down, so I could only see his shoes. "H-Hey."

"H-Hi... Joel.", I stuttered. It was awkward and I shifted my weight to the other leg before Joel cleared his throat. "Uh... Nice set."

His eyes widened for a moment and then, he nodded. "Thanks.", he answered simply. "Look, Mariza, I'm sorry for that song."

"What song?", I played dumb.

"So Cruel.", he whispered as his cheeks turned into a shade of red. Joel closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. "I'm really sorry, Mariza. I wrote that in that night after..."

He obviously didn't want to continue that sentence, so I nodded in understanding. "I understand Joel. No need to apologize."

"No, I want to.", he replied firmly. There was a hint of sincerity in his eyes, so I had to believe him. It was the first time I looked into his eyes without any hesitation or even fright. He looked the same before we broke up. "Mariza, I mi--"

Before he could finish his sentence, there was a squeal. We both looked to the direction and Danielle was there with her huge grin on her face. "Joel!", she exclaimed and waved her hand wildly in the air. Joel pursed his lips and faked a smile before waving back.

"Uh, Mariza...", he wanted to say more, but I held my palm up to his face.

"Just safe it, Joel. Don't waste your breath.", I tightened a tiny smile before sauntering off to the bus instead, before Joel could say anything more. My steps were rushed and when I got into the bus, Dirk wasn't in, neither did the guys. "They were having their set, Mariza. You're such an idiot.". I sat down on the couch in front lounge and pulled my legs up onto my chest before burying my face on my thighs. Tears started to sting my eyes and I just pressed my face onto my thighs a bit more so the sobs would be muffled.

My body trembled from the tears until someone came into the bus. I didn't noticed his presence but he rushed to me and put his hands on my shoulders before pulling me up to see my face. "Mariza, are you okay?!", John asked with worry drawn on his face perfectly. He had his shirt on again, but still unbuttoned. His hair was sweaty, as well as his face and torso as he glistened under the lights.

I didn't really have any choice but to tell him every single thing, but the first thing I did was throwing my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer onto him. John stumbled back a bit and I knew that he was taken aback. "Ma--Mariza, are you okay?", he asked again before wrapping his arms around me.

"Why's this happening to me?", I sobbed.