Like a Million Lights

It felt like I was going through a time warp as I talked to John about all the problems and the truth. It felt like I could trust him to not blabber it out to the others, especially Dirk, because I didn’t want to lose my job for the summer. He listened to me very seriously with his chin on his knuckles, he widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows when he heard something unusual or furrowed his brows when he found out the bad side about myself.

The view outside was blurry with the streetlights from the high way as we moved to the next venue. John didn’t even come out from the bus to meet his fans and I felt bad about it, but he told me to chill because I was his friend and he could arrange a private meet and greet when they come back to Arizona.

“So, that’s the story.”, I breathed as I hugged my pillow and rested my head onto the top of the seat around the back lounge after hours of story telling.

John pursed his lips to the side. “So now, Joel still hates you?”

I shrugged my shoulder. “I don’t really know. He was about to tell me something when Danielle showed up.”

“Danielle? Your ex best friend who flirted with Joel at the diner?”, he recalled. It was nice to know he paid attention through the whole story.

“Yeah.”, I nodded. “I didn’t know she was coming, but she did.”

“I’m sorry, Mars.”, he smiled a little before patting my hand. I even smiled at the nickname he gave me.

“I’m sorry too, John, for making you missed the signing.”, I bit my lip at the end, waiting for his answer.

His eyes widened for a moment before erupting into a low laugh, noticing that most of the people in the bus were already in their bunks, taking a sleep before another long day doing their jobs. “It was no problem, Mariza. You’re my friend, not caring where and how you came.”

“Thank you, John.”, I smiled. We both stood up and he leaned down to give me a good night hug before he left the lounge and sauntered off to his bunk. It was 5 am and I didn’t even feel sleepy. The surprising thing was I felt like I knew this guys for years even though it wasn’t even 24 hours after the first time we met.

When it was already 6 am, my eyes started to drop and I stood up from the seat and went to my bunk. John’s bunk wasn’t closed by the curtain, so I could see his sleeping figure. He was facing the outside and I smiled on his face. He had his mouth slightly open as he snored lightly, matching his shallow breathing. He looked so peaceful.

I slipped into my bunk and turned off the built-in light before closing my eyes and drifting into sleep.
*********
My legs were on fire under the blanket. I stirred a bit and tossed once before my eyes shot open. It was dark with lights came from behind the curtain. Footsteps were heard outside along with loud chattering. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and I quickly wiped them off with my palm and deciding to get out.

The blanket tangled my legs together so I struggled out and ended up rolling out from the bunk instead. Pat was on his merry way before I rolled out and yelped when I did. “Mariza! You scared me!”, he breathed with his hand on his heart.

“I’m sorry, Pat.”, I mumbled and rubbed the sleep away from my eyes. After stuffing the blanket into my bunk, I stood up and blinked a couple times on Pat, who was still standing in his previous position. “What time is it?”

“11.30.”, he answered quietly, probably still couldn’t forget what happened earlier. “What do you want for lunch, Mariza?”, he chirped, already getting himself back.

I smiled and shook my head slightly. “I could get it myself, Patty, thanks for asking, though.”

He nodded and smiled before walking off outside the bus. The bus was already somewhat empty but when I looked up, John was still sleeping. He was probably tired from last night so I just changed out from my pajamas and got out from the bus.

The outside felt like hell leaked out and my back was already starting to sweat. I looked for my brother and found him under This Century’s tent. He was talking to Sean and I rushed to him before clapping his shoulder. “Tanner!”

He turned around with a wide smile on his face. “Well, hello, sis. What brings you here?”

“Nothing. Dirk hasn’t given me any job to do, so I thought I’d drop by to you.”, I looked around the tent that was still had an empty cork board and a rope that was tied to one end to the other for hanging up the shirts. “Do you need any help?”

Tanner’s face went pale when I offered him some help. “Uh… actually, Mariza… there’s something—“

Before he could even finish his sentence, someone was calling his name. “Tanner! Hey, Tanner!”, then, Danielle popped up next to him with her dark hair fell down onto her chest. “I’m ready for my first job.”

“Mariza, Danielle offered herself for being merch girl this summer.”, Tanner explained slowly, like I was retarded and it was hard for me to understand him. It felt like a thousand pound of bricks fell right on my shoulders when I realized I had to endure one day at a time for the whole summer.

“Oh, hi, Mariza.”, she smiled sinisterly and tucked a piece of her hair into the back of her ear. “I guess we’ll meet each other every day for the summer.”

My hand balled up onto fists and twitched my lips to the side to form a smile, but it was a pathetic attempt of a smile. “Y-Yeah.”

“Well, I’m off to do my job. Ciao.”, she waved girlishly and sauntered off to the boxes of shirts to put up. Tanner wrapped his arm around my shoulder and guided me to the back of the venue because he probably knew that I would vent out on him.

When we were alone, I stomped my feet onto the concrete ground and threw his arm off from my shoulder. “WHAT THE FUCK, TANNER!”, I screeched and my face was red from the anger. “HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME?! DANIELLE!?”

“Easy, Mariza.”, Tanner had his hands up like he was trying to restrained me. “Remember your—“

“MY WHAT!? ANGER MANAGEMENT!? FUCK YOURSELF, TANNER!”, I kept screaming. There were some crews that came out from the backstage after setting up the black boxes and gave us some weird look, but I didn’t care one bit. “YOU CAN REALLY GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF, TANNER!”

Tanner just stood there with his eyes on me as I screamed and vent on him. I knew he felt really bad and accepted all of my cursing to him, but I wanted to stop, but again, I couldn’t. “You probably wanted me dead by the summer from this fucking pressure you fucking put on me! You fucking dropped a shit hole nuclear fucking bomb on me!”

It was surprise even for myself that I could squeeze so many foul words in one sentence, but really, it was very necessary. “What do you want to say for this!?”, I spat on him.

He took a deep breath before shaking his head slightly. “I’m sorry, Mariza. I’m really sorry. I knew better I could find a way to say no to her.”

“Fucking A, that’s right!”, I grumbled and crossed my arms. Then, someone tapped my shoulder. ‘This wasn’t the right time, Sherlock.’, I hissed inside my mind before turning around and saw Joel with his lips pursed and uncertainty glistened on his eyes. “Joel.”

“H-Hey. I heard you were screaming…”, his eyes trailed to Tanner, who was a few feet behind me. “Are you guys okay?”

I took a sharp breath and closed my eyes to calm myself down. “Well, your tour manager just dropped a bomb on his own little sister that could kill her by the end of the summer.”

“W-What?”, he asked and cocked his brow. When he looked into my eyes again, he finally got what I was talking about and what was going on. “…Oh.”

“Now you know.”, I smiled bitterly. “Well, see you later, Joel, go take care my backstabber of a brother.”

I was about to walk away when Joel caught me by my elbow. “It was my idea, not Tanner’s.”