Like a Million Lights

As the words sank into my head, it felt like the acid in my stomach overacted, making it had to digest its own. I never could understand how Joel thought it would be fun to kill me slowly over the summer by bringing Danielle on tour and bitching on me every single day.

“You probably know how much I hate her right now.”, I said through my gritted teeth.

Joel shook his head slightly. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, Mariza… I never knew you would be this mad.”

“This mad?”, my eyes bulged a bit to get more dramatic. “I’m not mad, Joel, furious is more like it!”

He kept silent as I stomped my foot on the concrete ground. Tanner was still keeping his head down while he stood behind us a few feet away, probably scared to say something to his need-an-anger-management-sister.

“I’m done with this, Joel.”, I breathed but loud enough for him to hear. “Go do whatever you want this summer with her. I don’t want to have any single thing with you anymore.”

Before he could even say something, I walk off from the tension. I knew it was chicken of me to walk away when I could just take Danielle out and tell her to get the hell out from mine and Joel’s life, but heck, who was I for Joel?

The inside of the venue was still empty, probably only the crews or techs preparing for the show. Pat was sitting own on the edge of the stage, facing the empty arena, alone. I grinned and clapped his shoulders, making him shrieked.

“Did I scare you?!”, I laughed as I sat down next to him.

His breathing was still husky and uncontrollable and he glared at me. “How many times have you scared me this morning!?”

“I’m sorry, Pat.”, I giggled and shook my head slightly. “I just need to laugh a bit.”

“Why’s that?”, he asked after he had his breathing pace back to normal.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Problems. That’ll kill me by the end of the summer.”

“Aw come on.”, he patted my shoulder. “Even though we only know each other since two days ago, I already know that you’re a strong person and you always keep your chin up. Whatever is the problem, I’m sure you could handle it.”

Pat’s words hit me right. I used to be so strong and reckless, brave to whatever comes for me, but now… I was so emotionally vulnerable and scared to people. “Y-Yeah. Thanks, Pat.”

“S’okay.”, Pat smiled and stood up. “Let’s get some lunch in the bus!”

When we got out from the venue, we passed This Century’s tent and I could see Joel was talking to Danielle. From Danielle’s expression, he was giving her a rain check and I could see her eyes already glistened from afar. She noticed me walking by and her eyes sent daggers right to me. Joel noticed me too and made Danielle to look back to him.

The others were in the bus and I only sat down in the front lounge as Pat sauntered off to the pantry to get his lunch. My eyes burned a hole on the window on the other side until someone waved his hand in front of my face.

“Mariza? Are you there?”

I looked up and saw Dirk with worry and anxiety drawn perfectly on his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah, I am.”, I muttered and blinked twice to get my head back. “What’s up?”

“I need you to do me a favor. Probably a huge one.”

“Okay.”, my brows furrowed. What was it so important that made Dirk acted like a hen that wanted to laid her eggs?

He bit his lower lip a bit and fidgeted with his hands. “Can you… take pictures for tonight? My sister is back in Arizona and I have to go back for a night.”

I made a perfect O shape with my mouth before answering. “Sure, Dirk, I mean, it is my job as your assistant.”

The anxiety on his face washed off with relieve and a sigh. “Thank you so much, Mariza!”, he exclaimed before rushing off to the back lounge.
**********
The small venue was already packed with kids and I was in front of the house because some people made a path for me to get to the front. They told me they found out that I was Dirk’s assistant and gladly helped me to get front. Suddenly, the lights went off and the kids around me screamed their lungs out.

First up was Austin, and he easily spotted me in the crowd. I gave him a thumb up and a grin. He started up with I Like The Ones and everyone around me started dancing or even jumping around.

I took a couple pictures of him through out the set and when I thought I had enough, I sang along. Austin and even Pat showed me some of his songs and I had to admit, they were pretty good.

“Thank you!”, Austin exclaimed through the mic before walking off the stage. He winked at me before disappearing to the backstage. I rolled my eyes playfully and shook my head slightly.

As the techs traded and preparing the instruments for This Century, I looked at the pictures that I took earlier on my camera. When I was on a picture of Austin when he sang In My Soul, a familiar figure was in the picture, standing on the secluded side of the stage. With just a glance, I could easily recognize him as Joel.

Then, the people around me started to scream again, snapping me out from my thoughts. I looked up and saw Joel was already standing behind his mic stand with his guitar. They started with Battling A Heavy Heart, making the crowd jumped to the song.

After I took enough pictures of their set, I decided to just go out from the arena because I realized something. I made my way through the crowd until I went out from the venue. It was hot outside even though it was already night, but I didn’t care. I realized something when I was inside, something that would bug me.

As much as I tried to ignore the feelings that had been rushing through me, I couldn’t. I still want Joel, I wanted him back into my life, but not as an arch enemy, I wanted him to be mine again, like we used to be.