Like a Million Lights

I didn’t know how and who was the genius that suggested for This Century to go first. The old line up was the one that made me sane and ready to look up on Joel for a good 45 minutes while he did his set. Now, I needed to prepare myself before the show, by not talking to everyone.

Garrett was telling everybody in the dressing room about something’s funny, but my head was somewhere else. It was 15 minutes before the show, and I didn’t need to push myself front because this venue had a press space between the crowd and the stage. I was sitting on the chair in front of the mirror that the guys used to check their hair with their toiletries placed neatly on the table.

My reflection was unnoticeable. The guys’ reflection was a bit blurry like I saw myself from an auto-focus lens. I didn’t notice the rings around my eyes that I missed to cover with the eye shadow that I put on. None of them knew that I spent the whole afternoon after having lunch with Pat by crying in the bunk, letting out my emotion after knowing that the line up had change. Stupid, I know, but crying was actually a thing they taught me back in rehab to let out my anger.

“Mars, are you listening?!”, Garrett asked while he was still laughing a bit. I snapped out by jumping a little in my seat. “You weren’t, huh?”, his lips fell into a frown.

I turned my head around and pursed my lips. “I-I’m sorry, Garrett… I was…”, I trailed off and glanced over to John for a bit help. He was after all, the only one who knew why I spaced out so much.

“Dude, Mariza has so much in her mind, let it slide. You can tell her the joke later.”, John rolled his eyes to Garrett before standing up and stretched his arms.
Garrett pouted and groaned a bit. “Fine, but you better listen to me later, Mariza!”

“I will, Gary, I promise.”, I smiled and he smiled back. Everyone went back to their conversation except for John who moved to the seat next to mine.

Once a girl told me after the show, she met John once and she was nervous the whole time because of his charm and warm attitude, now I knew what she meant by that. John was looking to his reflection and after five minutes, he turned his head to me. “Should you be working?”

After a quick glance on my watch, I jumped out from my seat and grabbed my camera from the table. “Dirk will kill me!”, on my way out, I gave John a pat on his shoulder as a thank.

This Century was already on the stage, playing Go Get Her. I showed the security my laminate to get into the press space and quickly aimed my camera when I was already in front of Joel. As much as I was intimidated by him, I needed to do my job.

From the peek hole, I could see he was stealing glances to me and it made me uncomfortable. He knew I was there. After a couple of pictures, I decided to just watch the show and thank God, Joel wasn’t watching me anymore.
***********
“Some fans told me there was a party just a couple blocks away from here.”, John told all of us as we packed our stuffs in the dressing room. I was putting my camera back into its bag and pursed my lips to the side. “Whaddya’ think?”

Garrett grinned. “Count me in, I need some relaxation for a while.”

“You guys are just going to get wasted and be all idiotic like throwing up on the sidewalks.”, Pat rolled his eyes and continued stuffing his toiletries into his backpack.

“I wanna go.”, I spoke up. Suddenly, everyone stopped what they were doing. “I-I-I mean, I just want to go to that party.”

Garrett and John glanced at each other before glancing on me. “Are you sure, Rissy? It could get a bit rowdy.”, John asked with doubt on his face. He knew my problems and I was sure he had doubt because of that.

“Yeah, I can control myself.”

“You sure you don’t want to just hang with me in the bus?”, Pat asked and grinned. I knew he wasn’t much of a party boy, but I turned him down politely by shaking my head slightly with a smile.

“Sorry, Patty cakes. I want to dance for a bit.”

“Well, then, let’s go!”, Kennedy suddenly popped into the conversation and threw his arms into the air. “Pat could have fun in the bus by himself, right, Pat?”

Pat just rolled his eyes and slung his backpack on his shoulder before storming out from the room. After we were done packing, we rushed to the bus to place our bags and change. The guys gave me ten minutes to change and I couldn’t even complaint. I wasn’t much of a dressed up girl, so simple casual clothes worked for me.

When I was done changing, I stepped out from the bathroom and walked to the front lounge where everyone except Pat was waiting. “Hey guys, I’m ready.”

Garrett turned his attention to me and his eyes bulged when he saw me. John, Kennedy and even Jared stare at me in an unusual way. I could feel my cheeks burned from their stare. “G-Guys, stop staring!”

“Wow, Mariza… you look… amazing.”, Jared was the first one who spoke up.

“Thanks. Can we go now?”, I walked past the guys with my head down. It was too embarrassing to be stared at.

All of us took a cab to the house because we couldn’t bring the bus to the party; it drawn too much attention. We all fit into the cab even though it was pretty much unbelievable. When we got to the house, there were about 15 cars parked on the curb and there were people on the front yard, drinking and dancing.

We got out from the cab and walked into the house. Some fans who told John about the party appeared when we were just stepped in. “John!”, they giggled. “So glad you came.”

John grinned before he joined them and sauntered off, as well as the others. I sighed and pushed my way through the crowd to get to the kitchen for a drink. The kitchen was already a bit trashed with some dude passed out on the island counter. I took a bottle of soda from the cooler near the fridge and decided to just go upstairs to find an empty room so I can have a private time.

To get to the stairs, I had to cross the living room and hell, the living room was crowded like a club. Girls were grinding against guys and vice versa. Pushing my way through them was hard, and I met some guys from the tour at the party, so there was a chance I would meet Joel.

When I reached the stairs, I rushed up and found an empty room. It looked like the host’s bedroom and it was comfortable. I sat down on the edge of the bed and opened my soda before taking a sip. For some reason, I wanted Joel to come into this room and we could just… make peace. Literally.

Suddenly, the door creaked open and someone came into the room in a rush. It was so fast that I couldn’t even process that this guy came in. “W-Who are—“, before I could finish, he turned around and I almost choked out from my soda. “What do you want, Joel?”

His face was red and he stumbled front, losing balance because of the alcohol he consumed. “Mariza… I have something to tell you.”

“You’re drunk, Joel.”, I stayed put on my spot while he was trying to walk to me, but he ended up stumbling. “You need to sit down.”

“No!”, he waved his hand and clutched the edge of a drawer near him. “I-I have something… to tell you.”, he hiccupped at the end.

I pursed my lips and nodded. “What is it?”

Joel looked up and smiled before standing straight at his intoxicated situation. “I-I… I still love you, Mariza.”