Like a Million Lights

“You don’t mean that, Joel.”, I muttered as I took a step back. He was still near the drawer with his hand clutching the edge as he hiccupped. His face was still red, as red as his smiling lips. “You’re drunk.”

“But Mariza…”, Joel half whined. “People are more honest when they’re drunk, and I’m telling you the truth. I love you. I still love you. I never hated you for even a second.”

I bit the inside of my cheeks to prevented from smiling because of his words. Then, he stood up straight before taking baby steps towards me, slowly but surely. I froze on my spot until he was right in front of me. Joel cupped my face in his hands ever so gently and caressed my cheek with his thumb. His breath smelled like alcohol and it reeked, but I couldn’t even care less.

“I love you, Mariza.”, he whispered before closing the space between us. Our lips moved in sync and it reminded me how our lips felt like it made for each other; it fits one another. His hands moved down from my face to my waist as my arms locked around his neck to deepen the kiss.

He guided me to the bed by my waist until my leg bumped on the bed frame, making me had to sit down on the edge of the bed. Joel bent down so our lips wouldn’t separate. My fingers slid into his hair and locked them on some strands. When his tongue skimmed my bottom lip, I pulled away. “What are we doing?!”

Joel stood in front of me, looking more intoxicated than before. “Making out?”

“Look, Joel, before this happened… you hate my guts, then, five minutes ago, you came in, telling me you still love me, then we… made out.”

“Mariza.”, he hiccupped and looked down to his shoes. “Please… I missed you.”

I bit my bottom lip and cursed myself with my eyes closed. If I knew he would come here, I wouldn’t even come. Then, his index finger cupped my chin and made me looked at him. When I opened my eyes, his face was only inches apart. Our nose bumped with each other and his breath tickled my face.

“Just let yourself… be mine.”, he whispered before attaching our lips back together.
***********
There was a low humming near my ear and it made me drifted back to consciousness. A finger ran down slowly on my neck to my shoulder and to my hips. My eyes fluttered open and I was still in the same room as last night. I could feel a weight on my shoulder as someone planted a kiss on my jaw line.

“You’re awake.”, he whispered.

I nodded and my heart raced when I heard his whisper near me. “Yeah.”

“I missed this.”, he slipped his arm around my waist and his hand found mine, tangling our fingers together. “I missed you.”

“I-I… missed you too.”, I couldn’t help myself to not say that. It was the truth, though, even if I denied it hundreds of time when Tanner or whoever asked it. My eyes were starting to sting when he kissed my cheek.

It felt like we were the only two persons in this world. We were alone and we were together. Our tangled fingers felt perfect. His warmth was perfect for me, so was mine to him. We were perfect.

“I don’t want to go back to the bus.”, he murmured and rested his head on the crook of my neck. “I’m scared that all of this…”, he rubbed his cheek on my neck. “Isn’t real.”

I rolled over, making our hands collided and I could see his face. His blue eyes as piercing as ever and I placed my hand on his cheek. “This is real. Do I need to pinch you?”

Joel laughed and pulled me into his arms. “I love you.”

After some more cuddling and catching up, we decided to get out from the bed, dressed up and went back to the buses. We walk hand in hand and again, everything looked so perfect. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. For once in 6 months, everything looked fine, perfect, happy, normal.

“You cool your bedwarm hands down
On the broken radiator

When you lay them freezing on me
I mumble can you wake me later

But I don't really want you to stop
And you know it so it doesn't stop you”, Joel sang and then looked at me with his cheesy grin.

“You remembered!”, I gasped.

“Of course! That’s your favorite song ever.”

“And you sang that to me on our first date.”

He just smiled and continued to sing the song.

“You run your hands from my neck
To my chest

Crack the shutters open wide
I want to bathe you in the light of day

And just watch you as the rays
Tangle around your face and body

I could sit here for hours
Finding new ways to be awed each minute

'Cause the daylight seems to want you
Just as much as I want you

Its been minutes Its been days,
I remember all I will remember

Happy lost in your hair
And the cold side of the pillow

Your hills and valleys
Are mapped by my intrepid fingers

And in a naked slumber
I dream all this again”

We reached the arena with some crews who tried to get all the equipments back in the buses for a day off. Joel excused himself to go into his own bus and before he walked away, he had to kiss my hand.

As he was out of sight, I squealed and bumped onto someone who was standing behind me. I looked back from my shoulders and John was looking down to me.

“I see someone is having a good start of the day.”, he grinned and I took a few steps away from him. “Ugh, I know I know, I reeked. I haven’t showered and my breath still smelled like hangover.”

“Well, I see you had a great night too.”, I eyed his sex hair like.

He noticed my stare and ruffled his hair with his fingers and huffed. “Not really, those girls you and the others left me with were crazy. They tried to stripped me off my clothes.”

“Isn’t that an image of a perfect night for you?”, I teased before walking towards the bus. John followed my trail. When I got in, everyone was asking me where I was last night, but I just said that I crashed at the party house. Except for John, no one knew about what happened.

After taking a shower and changed, I went out from the bus to look for Tanner or Dirk. Just when I stepped my foot on the ground, the door of This Century’s bus slammed open as Danielle stumbled out with a suitcase in her hand and a backpack slung on her shoulder.

She noticed my presence and shot me a dirty look. “What the hell are you looking at?!”, she snapped.

“Well… I thought you might need some help.”

“I don’t need help! Especially from you!”, she literally spit on the ground near me after saying that. “I wish you’re still in rehab and stay insane.”

That really got me. If she said that to me 6 months ago, I would probably bitch slap her, but no. This was now, and I was already fragile, so the only thing I did was biting the inside of my cheek and closed my eyes, letting her words sunk to me when suddenly someone yelled at her.

I opened my eyes and saw my brother from afar, so did Danielle. She snapped back at Tanner as they argued about what she just said to me. I closed my ears with both of my palms and closed my eyes shut. Their muffled argument was over and Danielle pushed me hard as she was on her way.

“Mariza, Mars, are you okay?”, Tanner asked as he pulled me into his hug. “Don’t listen to her. She’s upset.”

I let myself broke down in my brother’s arms. Today wasn’t starting good like I was expecting.