Like a Million Lights

Ever since I came back from This Century’s bus around midnight, John avoided me, or more likely ignoring me. It was driving me insane because I was really comfortable with him. I could hear him in the back lounge all night, strumming his guitar and finishing the song that I liked very much. There was a different in his voice; there was a bit of agony and depression. It wasn’t a lullaby to me, more like a lonely wolf’s howling.

When it was 5 in the morning, John stopped and I could hear his footsteps turned to the aisle and the sound of him getting into his bunk followed after, then, it was complete silent. My eyes couldn’t even close all night and I rolled onto my side so I was facing the midnight blue velvet curtain. John was above me and I wish I could knock my bunk’s ceiling to wake him up and have a little chit-chat like we used to.

I didn’t know where I am, but I was alone, in the side of a road. It was bordered by forest and it was too misty so it made me only have a foot length vision. “Anyone?!”, I shouted and it echoed through the trees. No one answered.

Panicked, I decided to go deeper into the forest and after 15 minutes of walking, I saw a figure on the distance. It was taller than Joel and then I knew who it was. “John!”, I shouted and felt relieved that I found someone. “John!”

As I made my way to him, John walked away further from me. “John! Wait!”, I picked up my pace and ended up with jogging through the dry leaves and branches that were scattered on the forest floor. “John! Please stop!”, I cried with real tears already rolling down my cheeks.

Suddenly, I fell onto the dry leaves because my leg was stuck between a huge branch. I looked up and saw John already disappeared. “John!”, I cried harder than before.

“John!”, I yelped and hit my forehead on the ceiling. It took me a full minute to realize that it was only a dream. Sweats were forming on my forehead and my breath was shallow. My heartbeat was pacing up because of the dream and it was unpleasant. The built in clock in the bunk was telling me that it was already 10.25, so probably John was still asleep.

I carefully slid out from my bunk and almost fell face planted on the wooden floor of the aisle. “Whoa there, Mariza.”, Dirk suddenly caught me by my arm. “Rough sleep?”

“A nightmare.”, I sighed and thanked him before going to the front lounge. Everyone was having breakfast and my stomach wasn’t ready yet to be filled, so I just sat on the couch and rested my feet on Garrett’s lap, who apparently already done his breakfast. “Morning, Gar-Bear.”

“Am I a nice ottoman to you?”, he smiled sarcastically but accepted it anyway. We talked about tonight’s show until John woke up and showed up in the front lounge.

“Brunch?”, Kennedy offered, half teasing John because it was almost noon.

John groaned and took Pat’s glass of orange juice before taking a gulp. “I have a new song, guys.”

All of the guys looked his way and Pat, Jared and Kennedy stopped chewing their food. “I have a new song and I want to play it tonight.”

“But… we don’t even know about that… until now.”, Kennedy chewed the food in his mouth slowly and swallowed it.

“Well, I think we can nail it if we practice right now and play the song tonight.”

“Sure, but what makes you so eager to play it tonight? Just asking, though.”, Pat asked while he put his plate into the sink.

John glanced at me for two seconds before answering Pat’s question. “I think it’s ready.”

After that, all of the guys went to their bunks to change and did whatever because their practice would start in an hour. I changed and John was already dressed before I found him walking out the bus. It was my chance to confront him. After taking my camera, I rushed out the bus and chased John that was halfway to the arena.

“John!”, I called and he stopped, looking to me. I reached his place and took a deep breath to control my breathing first. “We need to talk.”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his skinny jeans. “What is it?”

“Why did you kiss me yesterday…? And about Joel and I last night… I lied because I felt like I didn’t want you guys to know… more like, I didn’t want you to know.”

John looked into my eyes for a minute before sighing loudly. “Mariza, it’s hard to believe, but… I like you. I like you so much, okay? I kissed you because I wanted to and believe me—“, he took both of my hands and held it inside his, “I would never leave you like Joel did.”
I bit the inside of my cheeks and looked down to my shoes. “You… would. You would leave me like Joel did if you knew what my situation was. You weren’t there, John.”

“I won’t.”, he said quietly before pulling my face closer to his by my nape and crashed our lips together. His hand stayed on my nape while the other went to my hips. Our lips moved in sync and swallowed each other. Both of his hands were now on my hips, leading me to a secluded space near the buses.

I placed my camera on the ground next to me and wrapped my arms around John’s neck. His hands slipped into my top and I shivered because of his cold hands running through my warm body. Our tongues fought for dominance but I surrendered when his reached the deep end of mine. I moaned on the kiss and tangled my fingers on the locks of his hair.

He moved from my lips to my cheek, to my jaw and down to my shoulder. “John…”, I moaned as he was going to take my top off but then, I stopped him. “John!”

Both of our faces were hot red and sweats were rolling down our faces. “We can’t do it here.”, I breathed and fixed my bra strap that he stripped down until half of my upper arm.

“I’m sorry.”, John whispered. “I went too far…”

“No, we both went too far.”

We stayed in an awkward for a few minutes until i scratched the back of my neck. “I guess I should go to see what Dirk would tell me to do.”

“Y-Yeah. I have to go to the practice too. We’re gonna play that song… that you liked.”

My cheeks flushed when he said that. “You don’t have to, but… thank you.”

He smiled and gave a quick peck on my cheek before walking away.