Like a Million Lights

I zipped my duffel bag and smiled to myself. Even though there were loads of problems that waited for me back home, but it was nice to finally get out. After filling out the papers and forms, the nurses and doctors that had fore shared of taking care of me said their goodbyes and I believed them for the first time. I picked up my bag and walked out from the room that I lived in for about 6 months, walking away as a new person.

With an escort by one of the nurses, I walked to the front gate that was barbed wired around and chain linked. She opened the padlock with a smile and patted my shoulder encouragingly. “I hope I won’t see you again, at least not in here.”

I nodded and smiled back to her. “Thank you. For everything.”

She nodded back and steeped aside to let me walk out. When my foot stepped on the sidewalk, there was a new jolt of electricity ran through my legs; the excitement to be out. I looked up to the sky and saw the sun shined out, kissing my pale face. Since there was no one around the parking lot, I danced around with my duffel bag in hand, constantly bumping onto my face as I twirled around.

“You’re looking happy as always.”, a familiar voice that I missed chuckled behind me. I turned around and greeted by my brother’s face.

“Tanner?”, I blinked to get a better look at him. It was a while since the last time my eyes were under the sun, so they needed an adjustment.

He opened his arms widely, waiting for me to fall into them. “Hey, Rissy.”

“Tanny!”, I squealed his nickname and tackled him into a hug. He laughed and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I loved the way he hugged me in a brotherly affection, not because he was pity on me. We hugged for a good five minutes until he kissed the top of my head and pulled away.

“How are you?”, he finally asked as he picked up my duffel bag from the ground that I accidentally dropped when I hugged him. “You’re looking… better.”

Tanner wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he led me to his car. I hugged his side like I always did. “I’m a new person, Tanny, I feel brand spanking new.”

“Brand spanking new.”, he repeated my words with a chuckle at the end. “It’s all locked inside a chest, I believe?”

I nodded and pulled my closer to his side. “Padlocked and I lost the key.”

“Welcome back, Rissy.”, he grinned and opened the passenger seat door for me. I got in and closed the door as he went around to the driver seat door. He threw my duffel bag into the back seat before getting in. “Now, ready to go home?”

I actually didn’t know the answer to that because a lot of things that I needed to straight out back home, but I answered him with a smile. “Yeah.”

Tanner buckled on his seat belt and drove off. We talked about a lot of things and understood my situation so he didn’t ask me what was it like being in a rehab. He didn’t even talk about… him.

When we turned into our neighborhood, I practically fidgeting in my seat. I was nervous to come back home, nervous to face my parents. We passed by every house until he turned into our driveway. The house was still like it was six months ago. My tree with my swing was still stood up on the front yard and the egg shell paint of the house looked as fresh as always.

“Missed home?”, Tanner asked as he turned of the ignition and looked at me while my eyes were still locked on the house.

“Is mom or dad home?”

He bit his lower lips and finger drummed on the steering wheel. “Yes, they are.”, he sighed. “But, they’re stoked to meet you! The new you!”, he quickly added.

“I hoped so.”, I muttered before unbuckling my seatbelt and got out from the car. The crisp, hot, humid air of Arizona filled my lungs as soon as I stepped out. Tanner got out from the car with my bag a moment later and he smiled encouragingly. I nodded slightly and took a deep breath before following his trails into the house.

When he opened the door, the air scented air of the house came into my nose. After I got in, Tanner closed the door behind me and let me get in first. I walked the familiar foyer to the living room. When I turned into the living room, my parents were standing there with a wide smile spread on their faces.

“Mariza.”, my mom gushed with tears brimming her eyes. “Welcome home.”

Tanner stood next to me and smiled down at me with a I-Told-You-So face painted perfectly. Mom walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. The hug which she liked to gave me before I was so dragged into the dark hole.

“I did everything for your future, Mariza, but now—“, she pulled away to take a better look on my face. Her thumb made imaginary circles on my cheeks. “You’re home.”

Seeing my mom like this made me realized that I couldn’t bear myself to see her cry again. I hurt her too much. “I’m home, mom.”, I finally spoke up and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m home.”

“We’re so proud of you, Mariza.”, dad joined in before walking over to us and wrapped his arm around mom’s shoulder. “We just don’t want you future to go crashing down.”

“I understand.”, I answered simply. Mom and dad took a step back at me and smiled again. “Can I go to my room to freshen up?”

“Of course!”, mom answered quickly. “Your room is still the way it was.”

I nodded and turned on my heels to the hallway and up the carpeted stairs. My fingers brushed against the cream colored wallpaper as I made my way up, it felt good to be home. When I opened my room’s door, the last door in the hallway, revealing my room. Mom was right; they left it untouched. My bed was still untidy like the last time I left it, the window was still opened, and the only thing that changed was the closed closet and tidy dresser.

Slipping out from my boots and quickly flopped onto my bed, spreading my arms opened and looking up to the ceiling. One thing caught my mind and I narrowed my eyes to get a better look. It was two stick figures; a boy and a girl. A lump quickly rose up in my throat when I remembered that time. After we went swimming in the backyard, he chased me to my room and tackled me down onto the bed. I grabbed a sharpie off the nightstand and drew a mustache on his face, then he took it off of my hand and drew those stick figures.

When I was deep in my thoughts, someone knocked on my door, pulling me out of my thoughts. I sat up and saw Tanner smiling at the doorway, but when he saw my eyes, his smile fell. “Mariza, you okay?”

I nodded slightly and brushed a tear with my thumb. “Yeah, just being… nostalgic.”

He walked towards the bed and sat on the edge. “I know you’re not ready yet to meet everyone, but you have to know that mom, dad and myself already forgive you.”

“I know.”, I sighed and looked out to the window. “But what about the others?”, I whispered, even though there was no one except us in the room.

Tanner pulled me by my arm into his arms and wrapped them around me protectively. He rocked us back and forth and I closed my eyes, enjoying our bonding time. “It’d take time, especially, with—“

Before he could say his name, I punched his stomach with all of my force. “What was that for!?”, he exclaimed without taking his arms off of me.

“Please, Tanner, don’t say his name. You don’t know what it feels like.”

He sighed and nodded before resting his head on the top of my head.