Like a Million Lights

At the time I walked back to the house, my top was already damped by sweat and my fringe was sticky and wet. I didn’t really want to come back to the house because I knew that Joel and the guys would stick around for dinner. Why they had to joining for dinner at the first night I came back? I had no idea. The sun was almost disappeared into the horizon when I turned into the path up to the steps and the front door. I was about to turn the knob around when the door swung open from the inside, revealing him again.

His eyes looked down to me before looking away rudely. He walked past me, not forgetting to shoved my shoulder on his way. I scoffed on his action before stomping my way into the foyer. Tanner was standing at the end of the foyer with his hands in his pockets. “You’re home.”

I nodded and pulled my beanie off of my head, ruffling my sweaty hair a bit. “Yes, and what’s up with him?”

“He just going to get his phone in his car. You know how easy he forget things.”, he chuckled, trying to lighten up my mood.

My jaw clenched and stabbed daggers onto Tanner until he shut up. I walked past him to the dining room, where the rest of the guys were already seated and my parents at the ends of the table. Ryan, Sean and Alex’s eyes were on me again when I took the seat next to Sean and my dad. A moment later, Tanner and Joel came into the room, and thank you my bad luck, he sat across me.

We prayed first and then started the dinner. When I was about to reach for the bowl of potatoes, he had to had his hands on it first. I glared at him but he glared back with more hatred than me. My eyes looked away and I pulled my hand back. It was kind of awkward and Tanner was the one who always started up a conversation. I knew he meant good, but he should know that I wasn’t up for a conversation with him yet.

“So, how’s that band of yours going, Joel?”, dad asked him. He looked up from his dinner and smiled to dad. I had to peeked his expression and lucky me, he didn’t even see me peeking.

“Oh, it’s going amazing, Mr. Radcliffe. We got signed to a record label and Tanner is trying to get us into a tour.”

Dad’s eyes widened with amazement as he took a sip of his water. “That’s great. I wish you boys luck in your career.”

Joel nodded and went back to his dinner. I shoved my potatoes and carrots around with my fork on the plate, knowing that about his band was his dream. “Mariza, what about you? I thought you always wanted to be a manager for a band, like your brother.”

I looked up to dad and sighed. “I don’t know, it is my dream, but Tanner already did it. I think I want to do something different.”

“Oh yeah, like getting into rehab?”, Joel muttered, loud enough to be heard by me, but not by everyone else because none of them gave him a dirty look.

“I think I want to do photography.”, I answered dad with a smile, but I kicked Joel’s legs under the table. He groaned in pain and almost coughed up some chicken from his mouth.

Dad furrowed his eyebrows at him. “Are you okay, Joel?”

“Never better, Mr. Radcliffe.”, he replied with a pursed lips before glaring deadly at me. I just smirked and plopped a piece of carrot into my mouth.

When everyone was done with their dinner, I helped mom to get the plates into the washing bin before getting out to the backyard. I laid down on one of the beach chairs near around the pool and looked up to the bright night sky. Some stars sprawled over the sky and shined brightly. One of the things that I loved about Arizona was its clear sky.

I never hated Joel, neither I’ve wished him to die and go to hell. The only thing that always kept me going in rehab was the memory of him and I when we were together. I knew I needed to deal with him when I got out, but I always wished it’d go well. The night he found me wasted and high at my friend’s party was the last night I saw him. I didn’t know what was in my mind; getting used by some random guy in the bathroom and got caught by Joel. Before he left the bathroom, I called his names a few times until I realized, he left me on that cold floor.

It didn’t take me much time to realize that he hated me and he was hurt by me. I loved him too much and never wanted to hurt him in anyway, but I did in the lowest and worst way ever. He never even looked at another girl when I was with him nor touched them. He was too good for me.

When I was deep in my thoughts, the sound of the glass sliding doors opened was heard and someone walked out to the backyard. I kept silent until he noticed me with narrowed eyes. “Oh. It’s you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, I hissed and sat up straight with my arms crossed.
“I’m not really in the mood to talk to someone who just got out from rehab earlier this day.”

I stood up and glared at him. “You’re such an asshole.”

“At least I wasn’t an alcoholic nor a junkie.”, he did a pretty good come back. I took a few steps closer to him until we were only a feet away.

“Look, Joel, I came back because I’m clean and you changed into an asshole you are now.”, I said through my teeth and poked his chest with my index finger hardly, like stabbing.

He caught my finger and threw it to the side before leaning down closer to my face. I was frozen on my spot but I kept my poker face on. “I don’t care.”, he hissed back before walking away into the house.