Like a Million Lights

It didn’t matter me where I was going, I just needed to get as far as I could from that damned place. It felt like someone punched me right in the gut or someone slapped me across the face and I realized, reality did. I supposed that I should’ve thought about it. Back when I was dating Joel, all Danielle did was sticking right by my side, probably to get a shot on him. I left for 6 months and he hated me so it shouldn’t be too surprising.

When I reduced the speed of my legs, I controlled my breath and stopped. It was the right moment for me to look around to see where I was. The buildings were somewhat strange and dull, but familiar. The shops were dark and some people were walking hurriedly down the sidewalk like they didn’t want to be here for a long period of time. I continued my way and realized where I was. It was the “bad” part of downtown, where most crooks lived. It was the place where my nightmare started.

I looked to the houses and counted the grey chipped painted doors until I got to the one. 3672. This was where he lived. I stopped at the end of the steps where it would lead to his door and just froze there, staring up to the door. I wanted to get the hell out of here, but my legs weren’t being cooperative with my brain.

“So, you’re back?”, a voice appeared behind me. I jumped in surprise and turned around on my heels in a dash. His signature smirk never left his face. He got me with his bad-boy charm in the past.

“I suppose you would already know that.”, I muttered and crossed my arm before taking a step back away from him.

He laughed and shoved his free hand into the pocket of his jeans while his other hand supported the paper bag that he held with his muscular arm. “I did know that. I just wanted to wait until you came.”

“I didn’t come on purpose.”, I narrowed my eyes. “I was just in the neighborhood.”

“Yeah, like I would believe that, sweetheart.”, he shook his head slightly and walked past me to get to the door. “Do you want to come in? I just got some packages from the dealer, fresh and new.”

Packages by meaning drugs. He was the one that got me starting on it and the one who used me when I was drunk and high. The one who Joel caught me with in the bathroom. “I’m off drugs, Keane, and you probably know that too.”

His eyes widened and kept chewing his gum before placing the paper bag down and walked towards me again. “That doesn’t mean you couldn’t start again.”, he whispered and tucked a strand of my sweaty hair into the back of my ear, but I slapped his hand away.

“I stopped for good.”, I hissed, but it probably wasn’t that convincing to him.

Keane furrowed his brows and sighed. “You know, it wasn’t my fault that your little boyfriend caught us in the bathroom that night.”

“Oh, so it wasn’t your fault that you raped an 18 year old girl when yourself is 23 years old? Was it your fault that you offered me drugs?”

“I wouldn’t be ticked off if you tell that to your parents, because, you were the one who took them, I was just offering, you could’ve said no.”, he sounded amused.

A lump rose in my throat on what he said. It was actually true and he got me right. I should’ve said no on his offer, I should’ve just left when he offered, but I just wanted to fit in and I was in a fight with Joel that time, even though we made peace in the morning after. Keane grinned and cupped my chin with his thumb and index finger, but I shook it off. “Don’t touch me.”, I gritted my teeth.

“No matter how much time you spent in rehab, you will crave for them again, Mariza, you’ll see.”, he smirked before turning his back on me and walked to his door, picking up his paper bag before getting into his house.

I clenched my jaw and started to run back home. The sun was already mid high up in the sky and Tanner was probably getting worried. When I got through the front door, I could hear that Tanner was talking to someone on the phone in the living room. I stood on the doorway and when he realized my presence, he sighed loudly in relieve before ending the call. “Do you know how much people I called in your search party?”

“Good morning, Tanner.”, I chuckled and made my way to the kitchen. It was empty and my parents obviously left for their work, leaving me alone with my brother. Tanner followed me to the kitchen and sat on one of the stool around the island as he watched me prepared my breakfast. “Do you want something?”, I asked with two eggs in hand.

He cocked one of his brows and rested his head on his palm with his elbow propped on the counter. “No, I’m just watching you. I could see something happened earlier.”

“No, nothing happened.”, I lied smoothly. Ever since I got into drugs, I was pro in lying convincingly, except to Keane.

“Do you know who I just got off the phone with?”, he asked while I was beating the yellow mixture in the bowl. I raised my brows, waiting for his answer. “Joel.”

I stopped and tilted my head slightly. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I was asking him if he saw you or not and he said no.”, Tanner said with a huff at the end. “You guys really need to make peace.”

“Well, Tanny, I’m not interested if he kept calling me an alcoholic or a junkie or I should go to hell.”, I spat and turned around to prepare the frying pan.

“You know that he needs time, Rissy.”

“And that doesn’t mean he could flirt with my whore of a best friend right in front of my eyes!”, I burst out. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Tanner looked at me with wide eyes and I was already facing him with glassy eyes. “I was at the diner when I saw he came in and then Danielle served him and it was obvious that they were flirting with each other.”

“Shit.”, Tanner breathed before standing up from his stool and circled the counter to get to me and pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry, Mariza.”

I buried my face in his chest and just let it all out. “I just wished he would wait for me.”

Joel

After my sleepless night, I decided to just kick it out early. The confrontation with Mariza last night came out all wrong. I could see that I hurt her badly and I just wanted to beat myself out for that. The only thing I couldn’t go through was to see the girl that I loved hurting like that, and to make it worst, I was the cause of that.

The morning was somewhat sunny and I groaned when the heat stung my body for wearing a sweatshirt, but I ignored it and started to walk down the sidewalks. Some neighbors smiled at me as a greeting when I walked by and I smiled back in politeness. It was nice to see the neighborhood started to come to live and it reminded me of how Mariza liked it. I smiled at the memory of how we would take our morning walk to downtown to get breakfast when we were still dressed in our pajamas or simply t-shirt and shorts.

When I got to downtown, I passed the shops that Mariza and I usually passed down together, even the florist that I would always buy flowers for her from. The old lady that owned the shop was arranging the bouquets outside the shop and smiled at me when she saw me. “Oh, it’s you!”, she chirped.

I smiled and nodded. “How are you?”

“I’m great, thank you. You know, your girlfriend just came a few minutes ago.”, she told me with a smile.

A lump rose in my throat. Mariza was here a few minutes ago? That meant she wasn’t that far from here. “Really?”

The lady nodded. “Yes, she said you hadn’t waken up, but I could see that you already did.”, she chuckled.

Mariza lied to this lady and probably didn’t have the gut to tell her straight that we weren’t together anymore. The lady was probably the one who witnessed our relationship. From the very first date, I bought her flowers from here and since then, I always asked the lady what to get for Mariza. “Yeah, I’m just going to meet her up.”

“Okay. You have a nice day.”, she nodded slightly with a warm smile before entering back into her shop. When she was out of sight, I sighed and continued my way. I put on the hood of my sweatshirt and the diner that Mariza and I liked to go to came into view. It was a proper place to just clear my head and probably remembering the memories of the place. I pushed the double glass doors open and the bell on top of the doors clung.

I picked the booth that was near the window and looked down to the tiled floor when I made my way. After I was seated, the waitress came over and I cursed lowly when I realized it was Danielle. It was hard to avoid her because she was everywhere I go and everywhere I was at. “Hi, Joel.”, she smiled warmly and I could hear that she was holding back a scream behind her.

“Hi, Danielle.”, I forced a smile. She was supposed to be Mariza’s best friend but somehow, after Mariza was gone, she pushed herself near me and it was useless because my mind and heart were still wrapped around her best friend.

“So what can I get you?”, she bit her lower lip and lowered herself. Before I could answer, someone that sat in the booth behind me dashed out from the diner. It was a she and had long brunette hair. Could it be Mariza?

“Uh, Danielle, was that…”

“Yes, that was her, if you were asking that.”, she rolled her eyes and scoffed at the end of her sentence in annoyance. “I’ll come back later if you already made your mind.”

And I was sure that she wasn’t talking about my order.