Where You Belong

“So pretty.” Anna cooed, bouncing Aidan in her arms as they ate lunch on the main drag in Montreal, enjoying pastries and macchiato, they were having a nice time on their vacation. “You’re such a cute baby boy.” She kissed his pudgy cheek as he gurgled up at her. “You look just like your Mommy.” She winked up at Tyler who rolled his eyes.

“We both know he looks just like his Daddy. Brown hair like Daddy, dark eyes like Daddy, and big ears, like Daddy.” He insisted, tilting his head down at her with a gri before taking a drink of his bottled water, already having had demolished three croissants and moving onto his fourth.

“Yeah, baby, we’re going to have to pin back your ears when you get older, huh? Can’t have those dumbo flaps like Papa.” She teased, making Tyler shake his head as he took Aidan from his mother’s arms. “But, he snagged me, so maybe the ears will work in your favor.” She giggled. “I need to learn French.” Anna sighed, “I guess I’ll have plenty of spare time to do that now.” Her thoughts wandered to what she imagined her life would be like now.

She would be staying at home, watching after Aidan, cleaning Tyler’s new home and doing exactly what she said she’d never do – taking care of a man instead of pursuing her own career. As much as she loved her baby and cared for Tyler, she had dreams of her own.

“How are you feeling? Do you need a nap or anything?” Tyler asked, knowing that Anna was far behind on sleep and since she was needed whenever Aidan needed to eat, she never really got to catch up either. Besides, the baby never fell asleep quite as peacefully as he did when Mommy rocked him than when Daddy did.

“Um, no, I think I want to explore a little more.” She said, running her fingers through her hair and pulling it up into a neat ponytail. “Besides, it’s too nice of weather to be spending the day indoors. I want to get some little gifts and take some good photos.” She patted the camera case sitting beside her feet on the ground. It was a gift from Tyler after Aidan was born, so that she could take all the professional photos of him she wanted without having to pay for a service or studio time.

“We can do that.” Tyler nodded, “I wanna check out the, uh – I think we should check out this thing, it’s like… a bunch of flowers and all that? In a room? Er, you know like a giant garden.” Tyler rubbed the back of his neck.

“Babe, the botanical gardens?” Anna laughed at his presentation.

“Yeah, the botanical gardens.” Tyler nodded eagerly. “I have directions to them and everything.” He insisted.

“Who knew you were such a botanist?” She laughed. “But I need something real to eat, babe, I need a steak or some chops or something, but these muffins are just not cuttin’ it for me.” She placed a hand on her stomach.

“Thank God, I think I’ve eaten like six of these.” Tyler agreed as they got up, leaving money for the bill and finding another place to eat some real, substantial food.

Two hours later, they were pulling up to 4101 Rue Sherbrooke, to Montreal’s most celebrated botanical gardens, with Aidan who was fast asleep in his stroller and Anna ready to snap some photos of the beautiful flowers.

“Oh, orchids, orchids are my favorite.” She gushed, taking out her camera and shooting them from all different angles that she couldn’t wait to edit later on her computer. “This is so beautiful, don’t you think?” She asked as Tyler laced his hand with hers while they walked along the paved path, tropical birds flying overhead and the sounds of the various water features echoing through the cavernous, glass building.

“I’m kind of excited to get back home, get settled and just… be at home, you know?” He asked, looking down at her with a grin. “Nesting.” He teased, “I just wanna be at home with my family before I have to start thinking about eating right and exercising every day.”

“You still should be eating right and exercising every day.” She laughed, “I’ll work out with you, I need to work off my baby pounds. My mom said she was still working off her baby weight when I turned eighteen and I do not want to wind up like that.” She finished.

“You just had a baby, Anna, you need to let your body heal and recuperate before you start getting all physical like that. Besides, it’s not like you look out of shape. I mean, your boobs are bigger… amongst other things.” He tilted his head back and winked as he checked out her ass. “I’m kind of digging the post-pregnancy body.”

“I’m two seconds away from slapping you upside your head.” She gave him a pointed look.

“But if you’re interested in working out, I will help.” He added with a big smile, squeezing his eyes shut as he pushed Aidan’s stroller forward, reaching down and snagging his water bottle from the little basket beneath the handles and taking a long drink. “Here, it’s warm in this place.” He insisted, handing Anna the cool water bottle, “drink up.” Anna took a drink and screwed it back shut, tossing it in the basket as she took more photos of the flowers and trees before they came upon a small stone bench surrounded by white lilies and pink and purple snap dragons. “Let’s take a break.” He insisted, taking a seat down on the bench.

“Let me take your picture.” She grinned, holding up the camera, giggling as he covered his face. “No, Ty, come on.” She gave him a full pout, making him unshield his face and give her a big, cheesy smile, hamming it up for the camera.

“Sit with me.” He insisted, patting the seat beside him. She took a seat and rest her head on his shoulder, crossing her leg into him as she smiled down at Aidan who was snug in his stroller, eyes closed and tiny lips parted in a silent snore.

“This is nice, right? The three of us together?” He asked, rubbing his hand up and down her arm as he looked down at her, her thick, dark eyelashes were resting against the top of her cheek as her hands folded in her lap atop her white skirt. He awkwardly rubbed his free hand against his denim-clad thigh, feeling the lump in his pocket, he felt that now was as good a time as any.

“Yeah, this is nice.” She agreed.

“Want to know what would make it even better?” He asked, a shaky hand, taking the box out of his pocket, something Marchie helped him pick out.

“What’s that?” Anna asked, looking up at him with those eyes that seemed to peer right through him.

“If you’d be my wife.” He all but whispered as he slowly opened the small velvet box in his hands. Anna gasped as she looked down at the box’s contents, a modest diamond flanked by two sapphires, her birthstone, on a platinum band. A moment of silence passed between them.

“Tyler… that is a beautiful ring.” She insisted, “and… and I know how hard this must have been, but… I can’t marry you.”

•••

“Come on, baby boy, where is your other sock?” Tyler asked himself, moving about Aidan’s room quickly, searching for the other blue sock as Aidan laid contently on his changing table, making noises and gurgling as his Daddy turned his nursery inside out.

“Got it.” Anna announced, waving the blue sock in the air as she entered the room, having found in the laundry room. She slid it up pasty Aidan’s pudgy little toes and onto his foot, giving Tyler a triumphant smile. “Sucker was still in the dryer.” She laughed. Tyler nodded wordlessly and took Aidan from the changing table.

“I’m going to Marchie’s, I’ll be back later.” He insisted, heading for the stairs.

“Um, hold on, what do you mean you’ll be back later?” Anna asked with a frown. “I can’t even get a timetable from you? Are you home for dinner? Did you pack the diaper bag to be gone that long?” She asked, folding her arms across her chest.

“Yes, I packed the bag, I know how to take care of my own kid.” He frowned. “I’ll be back in time for dinner, if you’re making it.” He added.

“You know I am, why are you being such a pill?” She asked, frustrated and not amused with the way he was treating her. “If you’re going to have a bad attitude, then leave Aidan with me.” Anna sighed, gesturing to the baby with her hands.

“We’ll be back in time for dinner.” He stated finally, Aidan in his carrier as Tyler exited through the door to the garage. Anna let out a frustrated grunt as she walked back to their bedroom, ripping the sheets off and stuffing them down in the laundry chute before taking a clean set out of the linen closet and making up the bed again. She couldn’t believe they way he had been acting towards her for the past few weeks.

Ever since she had turned down his marriage proposal, he had been acting different around her – which was expected, but she never thought he’d act like this. She had the crazy idea that just maybe they could go back to the way they were, being happy and raising Aidan together. Now, it felt like they were two strangers raising Aidan in the same house.

Anna moved about the house, doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom and matching tiny socks smaller than the palms of her hands. She dusted the entertainment center and picked up in the game room in the basement where Tyler mostly hung out with Marchie and Kampfer. She felt like a mom taking care of two kids.

Sitting in the family room, sipping a glass of wine as she thumbed through a Better Homes & Gardens, thinking of what to do for dinner, she decided that maybe just for a night, they’d order pizza. Maybe she didn’t want to cook dinner for once.

It wasn’t for another two hours until Anna heard Tyler’s car pull into the driveway. She finished up her last slice of pizza and placed the two boxes in the oven to keep the pizza warm.

Tyler moved wordlessly through the house, bringing a sleeping Aidan upstairs to his crib. Anna ascended the stairs and passed Tyler.

“What’s for dinner?” He asked, quietly as she passed him.

“There’s pizza in the oven.” She said dismissively, able to hear his small sigh of disappointment. Anna entered the nursery, smiling down at Aidan who was sound asleep, snug under his blue blankie. She gathered him in her arms, resting in the rocking chair, she wanted to cry. Taking her cell phone out of the pocket of her white shorts, she called an all too familiar number.

“Mama?” She asked quietly when she heard her mother’s warm voice on the other end of the line. “Do you… Do you think I could come home for a little while?” She felt like a kid again but she knew what had to be done. The conversation was short, she would book her flight tonight and fly out in the next few days, Aidan with her of course.

It wasn’t long before Tyler was trudging back up the stairs, pausing in the nursery to check in on Aidan. A few moments later, Anna placed the baby back in his crib before entering the bedroom she shared with Tyler. He was laid back on the bed, arms folded behind his head as he watched television. She went to the closet and took out her Vera Bradley duffel, starting to pack a few clothes.

“You going on a trip?” Tyler asked with little amusement.

“My parents want to see Aidan.” She said shortly, “I thought we could go out maybe tomorrow or the next day.”

“What time is our flight?” Tyler sighed, crossing his ankles and looking over at her. Anna paused, reaching for another large duffel.

“I think that this one should just be the baby and I.” She supplied, before grabbing a third duffel from the shelf, making Tyler just a little anxious.

“Exactly how long are you staying for?” He asked, sitting up and resting against the headboard, one foot planting itself on the ground.

“I don’t know.” She answered honestly, “I think I just need to kind of land on my feet a little bit. I think we need some time apart.” She sighed, knowing that sentence alone would be the catalyst for another fight.

“Time apart? So you’re going to take Aidan and run?” Tyler asked, getting defensive right away.

“I’m not running anywhere, Tyler. I’m not happy here, I don’t feel at home and I want to see my family.” She explained, keeping a calm demeanor knowing that he could easily blow up.

“And whose fault is that?” He hissed, frowning as a deep scowl overtook his features.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, placing her hands on her hips. “You’re the one who hasn’t touched me, or hardly made any eye contact with me since Montreal, Tyler! I’m pretty sure this is exactly how you wanted me to feel.” She laughed, shaking her head as she resumed packing.

“You fucking cut me down when I asked you to marry me!” He roared.

“Wake up Aidan, and you’re the one taking care of him all night.” She threatened. “And I did us a favor by not marrying you. You’re too young, Tyler! We’re too young!” She insisted. “If I knew that this is how you were going to act, I would have said yes just to humor you.”

“That’s real nice, Anna, string me along.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“Was it so terrible to assume that maybe after I said no, that we could just be the way we were? I mean we were committed, and shit, we were happy. You haven’t even kissed me in more than two weeks! How am I supposed to feel?” She asked.

“Well maybe I wanted to be kissing my fiancé.” He shrugged, still hurting in his chest when he thought about the day she rejected his proposal.

“Yeah, well you had no problem sleeping with me when I wasn’t.” She waved him off as she walked into the closet, closing the doors behind her as she finished packing there. It was only about half an hour before she walked out, bags packed and puffy eyes. He hated it when she cried, and he hated it even more when he was the source of it. He knew she would cry when she was home alone or up in Aidan’s nursery, but he rarely had to witness it. She took a deep breath, composing herself before speaking as calmly as she could to keep her voice from cracking. “I can’t stay here and be this housewife you need me to be. I have plans and goals and dreams and I can’t do that if all I’m doing is staying home to cook and clean and take care of you and Aidan. I love him more than anything else in this world, but this isn’t the life I asked for.” Tyler nodded, knowing that if he said what he was really feeling that he would just start another fight, and he didn’t want to drive her further away.

“When will you be home?” He asked quietly, resting his head in his hands.

“I don’t know.”