Crash and Burn
October 1999 - Lillie
It is a bright morning, and I smile as the sun shines into my window, illuminating everything it touches, myself included. Frankie wants to meet me before school, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, the thought gives me butterflies. He told me over the weekend to meet him Monday morning before school, and the waiting was driving me mad. I haven't seen him since Friday night, and it makes me wonder what exactly he is up to.
In the past two months, Frankie and I have become fast friends. He is really the only friend I have in the school. I mean, I talk to others, but no one I really click with. Not like him. I didn’t realize I thought of him as more than a friend, that is, until the other night.
Frankie and I decided to go to the school’s football game, just cause. Neither one of us really liked football, but it gave us a chance to hang out away from our houses. We walked around the outside of the school as the game raged on in the background. After the game, throngs of people left the stadium. One of them was a kid we knew, named Kevin. It was hard enough getting through the crowd, let alone trying to talk to anyone you knew, but that didn’t stop Kevin.
He ran over to us, waving like a maniac. I smiled. He was a nice guy, but was picked on a lot, and that upset me. We would talk some, usually after I would stand up for him, which happened on more than a couple of occasions.
“Hey, you guys.”
I smiled at him. Frankie didn’t say anything, just stared at Kevin blankly. For some reason, Frankie didn’t like Kevin. I tried to call him out on it before, but he just denied it.
“So…” Kevin stood there awkwardly, looking up at me, then at his shoes, and back again.
“Lillie, can we talk?”
I nodded, “Sure, what’s up?”
He cleared his throat, and then looked over a Frankie. “I mean…alone.”
I turned to Frankie. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but from the look on his face, it was nothing positive.
I waited a second for Frankie to look at me, but he didn’t. I turned back to Kevin and nodded, walking through the grass towards a bench. Now, most of the people had left, and it was much easier to navigate at this point.
I set down and Kevin joined, scooting as far away from me as possible.
“So…what’s up?”
He took a deep breath, then turned to me. “Will you go out with me?”
I tried not to look shocked, but realized I must have, because Kevin slumped over. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
It was my turn to take a deep breath. “Kevin…I really like you. You’re a great friend. But I think that is what we should always be, friends. If something happened between us, it could ruin that. I don’t want to ruin that.”
He looked over at me, and for a second I saw disappointment on his face. It was quickly replaced though with a smile. “You’re right, I just, I don’t know. But you are right. Who would stick up for me if you didn’t?”
I giggled, “Exactly!”
We stood up, and I reached over, hugging him. I felt bad, but I knew that I didn’t have feelings for him, and it wouldn’t be fair to him in the long run.
He was surprised, but returned the hug.
“I have to go, Frankie is waiting for me.”
He smiled. “Okay, see you Monday.”
I nodded, and walked off to find Frankie where I had left him. But, he wasn’t there. I called his name, and stood there quietly, watching everyone else leave. He never appeared.
I held back tears as I walked home, alone. Why did it upset me? Maybe he got bored and left. But I doubted that. We were only gone five minutes. I hoped to myself that nothing happened to him. The mixture of worry and hurt inside me made the walk even longer.
When I reached home, I noticed the light in his room was on. I wanted to go see if it were him in there, but was too angry to check. Instead, I went into my house, and into my own room.
I wasn’t in there five minutes, before Frankie called. I was upset that he left like he did, and didn’t want to answer the phone, but I knew if I hadn’t, he would come over. I’m sure he saw me turn my light on.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” I couldn’t help but smile to myself at the sound of his voice. All the thoughts of anger melted away.
“Sorry I left you at the football game. I…got bored.”
I sighed. I wanted to be mad, but I just wasn't anymore. "Whatever. So what’s up?”
“Monday morning, meet me at the park before school. I won’t be able to see you this weekend, but I really need to talk to you.”
“Okay, see you then.” I hung up and lied on my bed. My brain went into overdrive, worrying about what it was he wanted to tell me. Then, like a tidal wave, it hit me.
I was hoping it was something…romantic. I wanted him. As more than just a friend.
So here I am, Monday morning, getting ready to meet my neighbor/friend, who I want to be my neighbor/lover. Why, why is my life so complicated?
I go through my morning routine, and decide to wear something Frankie has never seen. Over the weekend, I had bought an orange tank top and tight jeans. They show off my curves nicely, so I put them on, then my makeup, then my flip flops.
Walking to the park seems to take forever, and I want to get there as fast as possible. At the same time though, I want to turn and head home.
My nerves intensify when I spot Frankie, dressed in his usual jeans and t-shirt.
I call out to him and walk over, trying to keep my composure.
“Hey.” I smile.
He looks at me, returning my smile. “Hey. So, I have some news.”
Confused, I look at him. “Yes?”
“I am going to be starting a band with some friends. Just some punk music, for fun.”
I grin, trying not to let my disappointment show. “Congratulations, I am happy for you.” And it is true, I am. I just thought I might hear something different out of his mouth.
“There is something else too, the band thing wasn’t the reason I asked you to meet me.”
I look down. “So, why did you?”
He reaches over and lifts my chin with his index finger lightly. “Lil, will you…go out with me?”
I smile widely, my emotions are all over the place. “Yeah. I will.”
“I have liked you since I helped you move in. I thought the flirting would work, but you never seemed to get the hint, so I knew it was up to me to make the first move. Friday, when Kevin came up and asked to talk to you, I knew he was going to ask you out. I could just tell. I wasn't sure what you were going to answer, and I didn't want to stand there and find out, so I went home. I'm sorry about that, by the way. But yeah, I knew then I had to do something. You're amazing, and I should have known someone else would notice that too.”
I feel tears in my eyes, and clear my throat. “I told him we should just be friends. I didn't have feelings for him. But wait...you think I’m amazing?”
He smiles, moving closer to me. “Yeah, I do.”
I lean forward and kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I can tell he is surprised, but soon he returns my kiss, and wraps his arms around my waist.
His lips are soft, and I don’t want to stop kissing him. In this moment, I want someone to hit the pause button on the world. Just for a few minutes.
Sadly though, it is over much sooner than I would like. Frankie pulls back, and smiles. His hands are still on me, this time playing with my belt loops. I can’t help but smile as I watch his face redden.
“We should get to school.”
I nod and pull away from Frankie. Hand-in-hand, we walk to school.
In the past two months, Frankie and I have become fast friends. He is really the only friend I have in the school. I mean, I talk to others, but no one I really click with. Not like him. I didn’t realize I thought of him as more than a friend, that is, until the other night.
Frankie and I decided to go to the school’s football game, just cause. Neither one of us really liked football, but it gave us a chance to hang out away from our houses. We walked around the outside of the school as the game raged on in the background. After the game, throngs of people left the stadium. One of them was a kid we knew, named Kevin. It was hard enough getting through the crowd, let alone trying to talk to anyone you knew, but that didn’t stop Kevin.
He ran over to us, waving like a maniac. I smiled. He was a nice guy, but was picked on a lot, and that upset me. We would talk some, usually after I would stand up for him, which happened on more than a couple of occasions.
“Hey, you guys.”
I smiled at him. Frankie didn’t say anything, just stared at Kevin blankly. For some reason, Frankie didn’t like Kevin. I tried to call him out on it before, but he just denied it.
“So…” Kevin stood there awkwardly, looking up at me, then at his shoes, and back again.
“Lillie, can we talk?”
I nodded, “Sure, what’s up?”
He cleared his throat, and then looked over a Frankie. “I mean…alone.”
I turned to Frankie. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but from the look on his face, it was nothing positive.
I waited a second for Frankie to look at me, but he didn’t. I turned back to Kevin and nodded, walking through the grass towards a bench. Now, most of the people had left, and it was much easier to navigate at this point.
I set down and Kevin joined, scooting as far away from me as possible.
“So…what’s up?”
He took a deep breath, then turned to me. “Will you go out with me?”
I tried not to look shocked, but realized I must have, because Kevin slumped over. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
It was my turn to take a deep breath. “Kevin…I really like you. You’re a great friend. But I think that is what we should always be, friends. If something happened between us, it could ruin that. I don’t want to ruin that.”
He looked over at me, and for a second I saw disappointment on his face. It was quickly replaced though with a smile. “You’re right, I just, I don’t know. But you are right. Who would stick up for me if you didn’t?”
I giggled, “Exactly!”
We stood up, and I reached over, hugging him. I felt bad, but I knew that I didn’t have feelings for him, and it wouldn’t be fair to him in the long run.
He was surprised, but returned the hug.
“I have to go, Frankie is waiting for me.”
He smiled. “Okay, see you Monday.”
I nodded, and walked off to find Frankie where I had left him. But, he wasn’t there. I called his name, and stood there quietly, watching everyone else leave. He never appeared.
I held back tears as I walked home, alone. Why did it upset me? Maybe he got bored and left. But I doubted that. We were only gone five minutes. I hoped to myself that nothing happened to him. The mixture of worry and hurt inside me made the walk even longer.
When I reached home, I noticed the light in his room was on. I wanted to go see if it were him in there, but was too angry to check. Instead, I went into my house, and into my own room.
I wasn’t in there five minutes, before Frankie called. I was upset that he left like he did, and didn’t want to answer the phone, but I knew if I hadn’t, he would come over. I’m sure he saw me turn my light on.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” I couldn’t help but smile to myself at the sound of his voice. All the thoughts of anger melted away.
“Sorry I left you at the football game. I…got bored.”
I sighed. I wanted to be mad, but I just wasn't anymore. "Whatever. So what’s up?”
“Monday morning, meet me at the park before school. I won’t be able to see you this weekend, but I really need to talk to you.”
“Okay, see you then.” I hung up and lied on my bed. My brain went into overdrive, worrying about what it was he wanted to tell me. Then, like a tidal wave, it hit me.
I was hoping it was something…romantic. I wanted him. As more than just a friend.
So here I am, Monday morning, getting ready to meet my neighbor/friend, who I want to be my neighbor/lover. Why, why is my life so complicated?
I go through my morning routine, and decide to wear something Frankie has never seen. Over the weekend, I had bought an orange tank top and tight jeans. They show off my curves nicely, so I put them on, then my makeup, then my flip flops.
Walking to the park seems to take forever, and I want to get there as fast as possible. At the same time though, I want to turn and head home.
My nerves intensify when I spot Frankie, dressed in his usual jeans and t-shirt.
I call out to him and walk over, trying to keep my composure.
“Hey.” I smile.
He looks at me, returning my smile. “Hey. So, I have some news.”
Confused, I look at him. “Yes?”
“I am going to be starting a band with some friends. Just some punk music, for fun.”
I grin, trying not to let my disappointment show. “Congratulations, I am happy for you.” And it is true, I am. I just thought I might hear something different out of his mouth.
“There is something else too, the band thing wasn’t the reason I asked you to meet me.”
I look down. “So, why did you?”
He reaches over and lifts my chin with his index finger lightly. “Lil, will you…go out with me?”
I smile widely, my emotions are all over the place. “Yeah. I will.”
“I have liked you since I helped you move in. I thought the flirting would work, but you never seemed to get the hint, so I knew it was up to me to make the first move. Friday, when Kevin came up and asked to talk to you, I knew he was going to ask you out. I could just tell. I wasn't sure what you were going to answer, and I didn't want to stand there and find out, so I went home. I'm sorry about that, by the way. But yeah, I knew then I had to do something. You're amazing, and I should have known someone else would notice that too.”
I feel tears in my eyes, and clear my throat. “I told him we should just be friends. I didn't have feelings for him. But wait...you think I’m amazing?”
He smiles, moving closer to me. “Yeah, I do.”
I lean forward and kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I can tell he is surprised, but soon he returns my kiss, and wraps his arms around my waist.
His lips are soft, and I don’t want to stop kissing him. In this moment, I want someone to hit the pause button on the world. Just for a few minutes.
Sadly though, it is over much sooner than I would like. Frankie pulls back, and smiles. His hands are still on me, this time playing with my belt loops. I can’t help but smile as I watch his face redden.
“We should get to school.”
I nod and pull away from Frankie. Hand-in-hand, we walk to school.