Self-Destructive

He pressed his lips against mine—hard, passionate. I unbuttoned his shirt, he held my waist. I could feel his smile, but I wasn't smiling. He was fumbling with his keys, and I was already messing with his belt. We stumbled to bed.

> >

When I woke up, it was eight in the morning, and I crawled out of the sheets to get dressed. I pulled on my undergarments and started to button up my shirt, but I felt a pair of arms trace patterns on my stomach. “Come back to bed,” he whispered. “Don't leave just yet.”

“Don't confuse fucking and love, William.” I continued to button up my shirt.

He brushed my dark hair away from my neck and kissed me softly. His lips trailed down to my shoulders.

I pushed him away. “This was a mistake.” I grabbed my stilettos and stormed out of the condo. I could hear him chasing me, the door opening right after I slammed it shut.

“Dru, Dru!” I heard him pleading, but I didn't bother to turn around. This was such bullshit. I didn't need this right now. This was a mistake. He was a mistake.

At work, I filed and filled out paperwork and made copies and greeted clients of Rogers and Altridge, Attorneys at Law. I was so excited for lunch; I almost jumped out of the chair to put up the sign. I needed to tell someone what happened. I needed to tell Kate.

We met at a small cafe and ordered some light sandwiches. We sat near the window, watching Chicagoans strut past. I made a face as I watched the rain pour down. I took off my raincoat and draped it on the chair. “So, tell me what happened,” Kate said, taking a sip of her Diet Coke. “From what I could tell on the phone, this sounded like a really exciting story.” Her green eyes lit up.

I shook my head. “I thought you told me William just wanted a fuck.”

“Well, that's what he told me. He said he wasn't looking for a relationship.”

“That's not what it felt like this morning.”

“What happened?”

I told her about how he touched me, kissed me. I nibbled at my sandwich, only to realize how hungry I wasn't. “What do you make of that?”

“Drew, he hasn't been in a relationship for six months. He broke it off with his girlfriend of two years. Maybe you could've been a little nicer.” Kate frowned. “He called me and said you just left him.”

“Well, that's what you do; this wasn't meant to be anything more.”

“Give the poor kid a break; he's really sweet, you know.”

“I know he's really sweet, but that's not what I need right now.”

“Dru, you're so self-indulgent. Are you able to think of anyone else aside from yourself?” Kate asked, eyebrows knit together. “This guy was just trying to be nice.”

“Nice is not what I need.”

“Anyway, Andy and I are having a party this weekend. You're invited. William will be there; you should probably talk to him about that.”

“I'd rather not.”

“Dru, I really want you to come to this party. It would mean a lot to me.” Kate pouted, and I hesitantly accepted. We exchanged goodbyes; she said she'd call me about the details later. But I really didn't want her to call me. I didn't want to know the details; I wanted to go to this party without expectations, but I guessed that couldn't happen anymore.

Back in my condo, I listened to the messages as I microwaved some dinner. I felt nauseous hearing Kate's voice fill the lonesome room.

“...Hey, Dru. It's me. Just wanted to tell you that the party's at nine, and dress nicely, please. All of Andy's friends are going to be there; I know, that means William, but please be there. For me?”

I stabbed the Lean Cuisine package with a fork and watched the sauce leak out onto the counter.