Can You Take Me Back to the Person I Used to Be?

John eventually got better again, he swore it was because of me, but I was pretty sure it was from the medicine he got when I finally forced him to go to the doctor. And now, it's our last night together before tour.

We're sitting on the couch watching the newest episode of Paranormal State. I leaned into Johns body and held onto his arm for comfort. He laughed after every time I jumped or gasped at the tv show.

"It's not real, baby." He chuckled.

"Yes it is! That's why it's scary!" I squeaked.

"Don't worry, no ghosts will ever come near my girl." He announced before kissing my cheek.

I blushed and a smile grew on my face.

After the episode was over we just stayed on the couch watching the commercials in silence.

"You okay?" John asked quietly from next to me.

"Yeah. Just thinking." I replied shortly.

"About...?"

"I don't know. Everything." I shrugged.

He wrapped his arms and me tightly and kissed my forehead.

"Please don't worry about me touring." He spoke. "You're the only girl for me."

"I know, I just," I sighed "It's hard not to worry about it. I mean there's so many fun, beautiful girls out there and- ugh! I don't know."

"Just quit worrying and trust me." He said. By his tone I could tell that he was slightly annoyed.

I just stayed silent and frowned.

"You don't trust me, do you?" He asked softly.

"John, I-"

"It's a yes or no question, Caty." He barked as he unwrapped his arms from my small frame.

I stayed silent again. It was true. I didn't trust him. But it wasn't that he did anything wrong, I simply didn't trust anyone.

"I can't believe you! You say you want to marry me, yet you can't tell me that you trust me?" He exclaimed as he stood up from the couch.

"It's not just you, I don't trust anybody." I told him softly.

"I've been in love with you for so long. How could you not trust me by now?" He asked desperately.

"I don't know." I answered.

"Well maybe if you don't trust me we shouldn't get married."

"John, no." I begged trying to fight my tears.

"Tell me you trust me." He demanded.

"I love you." I croaked.

"It's not the same." He said in an even voice.

"I'm sorry, John. I can't lie to you just to make you happy." I told him on the verge of breaking down.

"Well then I guess I'm done here now that I know how you feel." He said as he grabbed his coat and walked to the door.

"Please, John! Don't go, I'm begging you." I pleaded as I stood up to follow him.

"I can't do this if you don't trust me. It's not fair, Caty." He said as his long fingers made contact with the door knob. He was turned from me and was about to leave before I finally snapped.

"Maybe this is why I don't trust you! Because I never know when you're just going to get angry and leave. If you walk out that door I don't want you coming back!" I threatened.

He stood still for a second and then, in an instant, yanked the door open. He walked out and slammed it shut.

Shaggy barked and howled because of the noise. I sat down where I was and bawled like I did the day he told me to leave tour.

Why does this always happen to us?

I cried and then it hit me. We weren't getting back together this time. I looked at my left ring finger and let out another sob before harshly and almost painfully slipping the silver circle off my finger and throwing it at the door.

I hate John O'Callaghan. I hate him.