Can You Take Me Back to the Person I Used to Be?

I woke up to the sound of loud shouting coming from the bus. I sighed and opened my eyes, but didn't move to get up.

This was a routine I developed on our last two weeks of touring. I would stay in bed until the last possible second and then when we came back I would go straight to my bunk.

Even though I spent all this time in bed, I slept less than I ever have in my life.

Caty, on the other hand, she's fine. I ask Amanda about her on a regular basis. She said Caty is better than ever. She hasn't met a guy, even though she's probably trying.

I keep trying to tell myself that it's all an act and she misses me as much as I miss her. But I know better. Caty is an awful actress.

I have to face it. She's fine, and I'm not. I need her a million times more than she needs me.

"Johno!" Somebody shouted as they pulled my curtain back.

"Amanda?" I croaked.

She smiled and nodded before pulling me into a hug.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I pulled away.

"We came to visit." She stated.

"We?" I asked.

She just nodded.

"Caty's here?" I whispered due to shock.

Before she could answer, I heard her cute little giggle come from the living room of the bus.

I just laid back down on my bed.

"Maybe it's time for some closure." Amanda suggested quietly.

"Is that why she came? To give me fucking closer? Fuck you guys!" I spat. I could feel tears on the brims of my eyes, but I wouldn't cry. I just wouldn't. She didn't come here to see me, she came here to get over me.

Amanda sighed and walked away.

I stayed in my bunk listening to the chatter going on. Everybody was laughing and being loud, but suddenly they all got really quiet.

Hm, I wonder who they're talking about?

I heard Caty sigh and say something that I couldn't quite make out.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I forced myself out of bed and walked out into the main room.

Big mistake.

As soon as we made eye contact I choked up. Oh god, she's so beautiful. She's practically glowing.

Everybody was silent while Caty and I stared at each other.

"Hey." She said softly.

I replied with a nod, as my mouth couldn't find the ability to form any words.

I just stood there like an idiot staring at her.

"So, uh you guys are staying for the show, right?" Garrett asked.

"Yep! We wouldn't miss it for the world." Amanda replied.

Caty and I still hadn't broken our stare.

"Caty you should help with merch just like old times." Pat suggested.

Finally she broke her gaze and looked at him.

"Not tonight, I'd rather watch you guys." She laughed.

Oh shit, she was gonna watch.

I suddenly got extremely nervous and wondered how I could possibly do a show with her beautiful eyes on me the whole time. I could barely speak when she looked at me, let alone put on a show.

I still stood there looking like an idiot when Caty spoke again.

"I'm starving. Does anybody want McDonalds?" She asked. "I'll go get some."

Everybody agreed and gave her their orders.

"Do you want anything?" She asked me.

I just shook my head in response.

"Okay. Big Mac with no onions it is." She nodded before leaving.

She was still as sweet as ever, even though she had every right to hate me with a passion.

"Nice one, bro." Garrett told me.

"Fuck you." I replied.

"Please don't." He said.

I rolled my eyes as everybody chuckled at him.

"She looks like she's doing great without me." I stated to no one in particular.

"I don't know, I think she's playing us." Kennedy spoke up.

"She's not." Amanda and I said in unison.

"She's awful at faking." I told him.

"Yeah." Amanda agreed.

"Faking in bed and real life are different, John." Pat snickered.

I rolled my eyes and went back to my bunk.

I thought of a plan for tonight that just might work. Even if it didn't win her back it's worth a shot, right?

Hours passed, Caty told funny stories about her job in the pediatrics ward at the hospital. She loved it more and more each day. We ate the food she bought us and it became clear to me just how much all of my friends adored this girl.

Finally it was almost time to go on. I looked to my left and saw Amanda give Kennedy a kiss. My eyes wandered over to Caty who was also watching them.

"You're on, guys!" One of the techs said.

Immediately Pat got behind the drums and started playing the beat to 'Inside Of You' and the rest of the guys followed with their instruments.

"Hold up! Hold up, guys!" I shouted into the microphone as I stepped onto the stage.

They stopped playing and the crowd went quiet.

"Hey everybody." I said into the mic. I received cheers and screams and once they died down I spoke again. "My name is John Cornelius O'Callaghan the fifth and I am a fuck up. I let the most beautiful girl in the world go. I know that this can't make up for what I did, but I'm gonna do it anyway."

The crowd still cheered and I spoke into the microphone once again.

"Here comes my girl." I told the guys.

They started playing the song and I sang along just like I did at our engagement party.

I looked over to side stage to see Caty, but she wasn't there.

Amanda shot me a sympathetic look.

This isn't it. I'll get her back somehow.