It's Always a Fight Against Time

Eleven days after I had left LA on a plane headed to New York City, my best friend was released from the hospital. He couldn't walk because of a broken leg and shattered knee on his right side and ankle and toe on his left, but it was one of those days that you get chills about. You know, you think back over everything that has happened and you thank God you didn't lose everyone important to you in a stupid, careless accident. Rain had passed and that was enough to kill a person inside but Ale hadn't. It was nothing short of a miracle and everyone knew that. Things could have turned out so, so, so much worse. Thank goodness it hadn't though and we weren't planning any more funerals (if you could even call it that) anytime soon. There wouldn't really be one for her; she was just being buried as per Jasey's request. Jasey, she couldn't handle it and honestly I don't think any of us would be able to either. We all understand…even Ale.

Ale.... To me he seemed the same, his actions anyways. The thing is… he just lost the love of his life because of some reckless driver, he almost died as well. Wouldn’t it be taken for granted to believe that he would be different in some way? I knew he was torn to pieces, left out for the dogs; I know that he would and is going to be depressed if I or someone else wouldn't be there for him, I also knew something else...it’s probably the most important of all.

Or lives had at this point... had been changed forever.

None of us will ever be the same because of what happened, the death of a best friend and lover.(<3 RIP Jimmy, it’s been 1 sad year to the day…)

Ale was carried in as was I, as we went towards my old room back at the mansion in Long Island. Everything was still as I left it not too long ago when I came back for my stuff (save for Jinx's shit scattered around.) We made a deal not to go to Ale's room because it would bring back the memories and that just was something out of the question right now. So Jinx’s current room would suffice. I couldn't stand to see Ale hurt anymore with the painful memories.

I was passed on to Jinx (I am really starting to feel like a doll or some baby) and hugged him tightly.

“Oh my God!” Jinx said in a strange yet perfect-sounding southern twang (accent) “Babe, oh I missed you soooo damn much.” I smacked him to get him to stop since the hysterical unexpected laughing hurt my ribs. “You just keep getting hotter every time I see you.” He joked/whispered in my ear as he continued carrying me. I glared at him some.

“Nah uhh. Now shut up.” I snapped but still smiled. Oh what a flirt he is. Still is…

“So babe, what’s new? Are you dating Lucas?” He asked all in 1 huge smashed together sentence, strung together and uttered with only one single breath before he spoke. Of course that's one of the first things out of his mouth.

“Don't you have a girlfriend?” I whispered/ scoffed accusingly in his ear, I felt him get ridged with shivers. Ha, I'm back! I still got my touch.

“She cheated on me with some football player jock, the bitch. Anyways I dumped her and now I'm here...single, alone... you can help me out with that problem if you really want-” He continued whispering until I cut him off.

“I want you to the fuck shut up and put me the hell down.” I rolled my eyes. Same old Jinx. He was the typical “player,” or so he likes to think he is... I'm not sure how true his stories are.

Jinx sat me on the bed.

“Sheets are clean!” He exclaimed like it was the best damn thing in the world, I'm glad they are but it really makes you wonder, you know? Why did he have to bring that out? Yeah, not thinking about it...ew... but hey it technically was and is my bed! I have the right to wonder these things, right? I gave it to him to-

“That's awesome Jinxy.” I mumbled as Matt and Brain sat Ale down too. I watched him give a faint/ fake smile in thanks and then everyone left for their own bedrooms. It was extremely late and they all were tired, can you blame them really?

Before you knew it Ale was leaking tears again and I held him close to my chest as they soaked completely through my thin borrowed band t-shirt. It hurts to see a grown man cry...people say that all the time. And its 100% true! Guys are supposed to be strong, invincible, protectors and caregivers amongst so many other things. When the roles are switched, it breaks your heart. I never realized till now how dependent I have been on him these past years.

After about an hour, silence enveloped the room. Although we both lied there, awake. I listened to his breathing as I ran a hand through his long brown hair; sometimes even twisting it around and in between my fingers without so much of a thought as to what I was doing. I've been thinking about- you know, the baby. Only Matt and Lucas really, really know about it...no one else and the only person I think I could stomach telling is Ale. Plus he is my best friend; I don't want him mad because I don't tell him. But how do you tell someone who just lost their soul-mate, 'oh hey, just so you know, I'm having a baby?' when you know it’s going to hurt them. They’re going to realize that they’ll never get to do the same… Have a family. Every “plan” I keep going over in my mind isn't working outright. I just don't know how to start the conversation, whether or not I should either.

“There's something wrong, why aren't you telling me?” His hoarse voice made it was way towards my ears. A little shocked I answered, just going for it.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry-“

“It’s not “nothing,” you’re keeping something from me, I can tell. So… what is it?” He sighed (most likely) from annoyance with me.

“I'm...I'm pregnant.” I stopped my hand from running in his locks of hair and laid there as he shifted to look up at my face, shocked. Leave it to Ale to completely go all out despite the circumstances. He moved his body so his head was lightly lying over my stomach, or should I say ribcage, and he held himself up on his elbows so he barely, just ever so lightly, touched his ear to the battered skin there covered from all mankind’s current view. He looked back up and smiled a real genuine smile. He lifted up the shirt and before I could stop him he saw the bandages. I didn’t even have a chance to protest against it.

“What else?” He was sitting upwards, just looking down as he ran a hand softly over the bandages. It was a natural thing; he just did it without thinking about what he actually was doing. It was like all those times before, all the times I tried hiding the injuries… That’s especially when he would always found them, just like now. I’m obviously incapable for keeping any secrets from him.

“Shimmy did-.” I choked out quickly, holding back the quiver in my voice.

“He did this to you?” He whispered putting the shirt back down, covering and hiding everything again. I nodded.

We talked after that for a really long time. We discussed everything. What happen that night to both of us, from the start to the finish. We discussed the baby and even the future; both of ours, in depth. He swore to me he was going to kick my ass if I didn't stop fighting, but that's asking just a tad too much... I know I would end up fighting again, hell it may not be for over 9 months but I would. I’m just stubborn like that... I also made the decision to stop sooner or later, fighting that is. If I did have a baby, with my hope of everything turning out alright, I don't want them to know or see me like I am after I fight. It just wouldn't be fair to them to have to deal with it too. I made Ale promise to not ever do anything stupid, I was going to need him and vice versa. After the serious aspects were covered, we talked about old times before the conversation eventually shifted to my situation. Matt on one hand; Lucas on the other. I think I made a decision but Ale doesn't know it yet...neither does anyone else.

I love them all. I...the bitch of a teenager I once had been, had grown up and matured incredibly over 2 grueling years packed full with a lifetime’s worth of experiences. I swear more happened than in a normal person’s life and then some in those few years; but it’s the life of a fighter. I'll always be one at heart no matter what happens otherwise.

We both fell asleep when the sun was rising, it was after 6am but who honestly cares?

Lucky fucking me though, it never fails. I woke up at 9am, only 3 hours later, feeling the need to puke. That's nice to know, huh? Oh the joys of pregnancy. I hate being sick at all. Despise it. And I also knew that there will be sooooo much more to come, this being sick in the mornings had only just started.

It was only after hours of dizziness, blacking out with blurry vision and feeling like I would die that I started feeling better. No one was up, thank God because I know I would have gotten shit for actually walking around myself alone. But still despite it all, I still decided to get a quick shower to hopefully make me feel somewhat better before in time, sneaking back into bed.

And so I did just that.

It was peaceful after that for a long time. I felt save and at relaxed with Ale sleeping close to my side just like the old days when I was 14 and 15, living with him in his first crappy one bedroom, rundown apartment. It was an escape even though it was like a dump compared to my self-paid mansion of a house (compared to the apartment he was in, our house was huge anyways.) I think of it as a “house” and not a “home” for the most obvious of reasons; I was forced to pay for and live in it.

When my eyes opened again Lucas and Jinxy were inside the room setting up against the side of the bed. All I saw was the back of their heads. As I shifted slightly both heard and turned around with smiles. At the exact same time, same smiles and all... Weirrrdddd.

“Hey, good, well...its night time but that just doesn't sound right, neither does morning?” Jinx said pondering over it. “What would you say?”

“Just shut up.” I mumbled rolling my eyes and turning over away from both of them onto my side.

“Grouchy are we?” Jinx replied laughing some.

“She isn't much of a morning person.” Lucas said as he hopped up onto the bed to sit to my side on the edge. I then realized no one else was inside and Ale was gone. “Ale's in the bathroom getting a shower somehow...not sure, so don't ask.”

“I don't need specifics you know.” I snapped.

“Okay, okay.” Lucas moved to sit on his knees. He moved his legs. One and then the other, over my body and then he laid on his stomach, his face towards me. “So when exactly were you going to show me this “old” you?” He smirked. I raised an eyebrow in confusion. What is he talking about? And then... he pulled out a total of 4 pictures, holding them all up for me to see.

I smiled at all the pictures remembering each one; what day, how, when and by whom each was taken, even remembering the events that happened at the time, the fun stuff.

One photo was of me and Matt at the club one night (before I got all beat up from a fight), another one as I blocked the view (didn't do it well enough because my face and smile showed still), the third was an extremely tattered and worn out picture of me and Ale (our cheeks touching as he took a picture back in LA at a restaurant) and the final one was with all of us in a group (Matt holding me bridal style, Ale, Jinx and Zeke to the left and Zacky, Brian, Jimmy and Johnny to the right. No one was in the actual middle and we all were here (as in this houses back yard) by the pool. I sighed remembering that the moment the flash went off, Matt threw me into the pool that was conveniently directly behind us. Then everyone jumped in seconds later splashing a huge amount of water out of the pool onto the concrete.) Oh the good ole days, none of this shit going on.

“Dude, I soooo remember that!!” Jinx laughed looking at the last picture. He was leaning over me looking down at it in my hands.

In each I looked like myself… had my old hair, the natural reddish brown color I was born with, the bright always changing different colored highlights, the snakebites and all the earrings. Even my old clothes, the old “emo” stereotypical clothes.

“I wasn't going to show you. I changed a lot since those were taken Lucas.” I watched him roll his eyes. Hey what's done is done, why dwell on it? Why is this any of his business anyways? Why does he care?

“Obviously but still. Those lip rings... did they close up?” I nodded. It's wonderful what 6 months in prison does to piercings, even the holes my ears, the ones that have been there for over 14 years started to close somewhat. “Both versions of you are hot, but now you look I don't know...different but in a great way.” He whispered close to my face, his breath was felt on my lips.

“I second that!” Jinx added with a huge smile. I held back a laugh as Lucas looked over and glared at him. He punched Jinx's' shoulder hard enough to knock him off the bed with a loud ‘thump’ sound. I knew there would be a bruise. Poor Jinxy...

‘Bang!’ The door suddenly burst open and we all jumped.