The Pulchritudinously Hideous Exception

It's a rainy Saturday. I should be doing art and trying to decorate my apartment, but I'm a procrastinator. So here I am sitting in some coffee shop. Thinking about how I ended up back here, and aimlessly doodling in my sketchbook. Somehow I've avoided having any possible friendships occur, which is good. Thanks to all the walls that I built around myself. My body is like a castle, my heart and brain are the King and the Queen. I've built these walls to protect them.

Trust me, I've thought about how stupid it is to build these theoretical walls. To be that cold hearted bitch that wants nothing to do with anyone. To be a mystery that no one can crack. It's stupid to build these walls and pretend that I don't need anyone when in reality I do need something. I fully admit it, I need someone. Who? I don't know. So for right now I'm going to keep my walls and be happy with them.

Why build walls to protect myself? People are assholes, people are selfish, and emotions and feelings are stupid. At least that's been my mindset for the past couple of years. My growing hatred towards humanity has just made my walls become thicker and thicker. When did these walls start? I think about that all the time. What caused me to become this hateful careless person who doesn't want anybody around? For starters, when my best friend/sort-of first boyfriend completely humiliated me and practically used me. Walls. When my parents marriage finally fell apart and the divorce was finalized? Walls. When I picked up and moved to Arizona with my dad and had to start over? Walls. Being the new girl in high school isn't exactly fun. I mean I had good things going for me once I moved to Arizona. The school was nice, the people were nice. I felt like I could never trust anyone though, so more walls were built.

It was really a never-ending cycle. Once I started building them, I couldn't stop. When my dad got remarried to Sharon, she's really nice and I am quite happy for them, I built more walls. Watching him fall head over heels for someone seemed to make me uncomfortable. Probably because that was like watching myself with Derek when we were fifteen. Young love is dumb love, and I'm totally over the whole love thing. I'm pretty sure it's just hormones.

I'm abruptly cut from my thoughts when a cup off coffee is abruptly placed down on the table in front of me. I blink a few times staring at it before looking up to see the person.

"So you come back and don't even tell me?" Piper says plopping down in the seat across from mine.

I can't help but smile at her. She's gotten extremely beautiful over the years, with long brown naturally wavy hair, a small pointed nose, clear blue eyes. Her and Kenny did look a lot alike. "Missed you too, Piper."

"I bet you have!" She exclaims, "Listen, I totally forgive you for just getting up and ditching us without a word or anything. Really understandable after what happened, but come on! When you come back you could at least tell me."

I shrug, "Sorry." I wouldn't mind having Piper around. I did miss her when I left.

"We don't have to talk about anything serious now, but eventually," She gave me a meaningful look, "We will have to touch on the Derek subject."

I roll my eyes, "Why does everyone bring him up when they talk to me?"

"Things changed, Grace. Not trying to be pushy, but as your friend I do advise that you talk to him at some point." She says nicely.

I ponder about it, "I'm happy with avoiding him."

"Well you can't avoid him for long because him and Kenny are supposed to meet me here and I see them walking down the street now." She points out looking out the window behind me.

I stiffen and internally sigh, "Can I please get a raincheck on this?" I ask leaning back in my chair and stuffing my hands in the pocket of my utility jacket nervously.

"No, but if you really do get uncomfortable give me some sort of signal and I can get us out of here easily." She says.

"Why don't you just go sit at another table and pretend that I'm not here?" I ask.

"Because you won't go unnoticed by Kenny and Derek wants to see you." She replies. The bell sounds as the two guys walk in together.

I lean forward in my seat and start making tiny scratch marks in my sketchbook, ignoring what was about to happen.

The other two chairs at the table make a short screech across the floor and the guys sit down. "Piper you didn't tell me Grace would be here!" Kenny says from across the table.

I hide my grimace, realizing that Derek is sitting next to me. The Derek that embarrassed me and broke fifteen-year-old-me into a million pieces is now sitting next to me and not saying a word. The tension is high in my mind. "Surprise." I say sarcastically looking up to meet his gaze.

"It's like the old group is back together!" He cheers smiling.

"I'm hungry, Kenny lets go order some food. Derek we'll get you a drink." Piper says quickly ushering Kenny up out of his seat and they walk over to the cash register. Traitor.

If I could curl up into a ball and disappear I would, but I just look down at my sketchbook and clench my pen. Waiting for him to say something. Or just leave.

"Hi." He says simply.

"Hey." I reply faking cheerfulness, but still refusing to look at him.

He chuckles a little, "I know you hate me, and I don't blame you." His voice is a bit scratchy and deeper than it used to be.

"I hate everyone." I tell him simply.

"Well don't let your disliking of me stop you from still being friends with Kenny and Piper." He replies, "We all really missed you after you left, but I know I lost the opportunity to be your friend so."

"You're very open about this." I say and finally look at him. I freeze for a moment, letting the scar on his face sink into my brain. He's looking me dead in the eye waiting for my reaction. It's a jagged mark running down the left side of his face. Not exactly pretty, but not completely terrible to look at. "What happened to you?" I ask trying to sound casual.

He smiles a bit, his green eyes brightening, "That's not the reaction I was expecting." I shrug and look back down at my sketchbook trying to push back my curiosity. "I was in an accident." he adds.

"That sucks." I reply. My answers seem harsher than I mean for them to be, but I really don't know what to say to him.

"Yeah, but the story really brings in the ladies." He replies easily. I look up at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm kidding." he laughs.

I shake my head at him. It feels weird to have this conversation with him. Under normal circumstances I'd pull out my bitch face and bitch attitude, but he's not starting anything and I'm not in the mood to be uptight right now. Maybe being back here won't be so terrible.