Dead Silence

It's funny how when you think the pain is finally gone it comes back harder and stronger then it was before it always comes back. You can try and fight it off but at last you can only do this so long before all the fight has been drained from you and all that remains is a lifeless carcass of a person. That's the part I fear most becoming dead but for some reason still alive drained of all hope and happiness. You see them all the time just walking around dead though no emotion just blank. Do they feel the fiery oceans of hell or do they see the golden gates or is it that they don't see anything at all. The matter of the fact is this is I would rather die then live as if I were dead.

The beating of a heart doesn't always mean life. You can put someone who's brain dead on life support in the end all they are is a warm corpse. All because someone wouldn't let them truly die. People who have expired and their bodies still walk around infecting others with their presents that's what upsets me the most.

The next morning I woke up and felt the same numb feeling. I walked into the bath room and looked at my reflection. The boy in the mirror stared back at me. My face was pale and dull. I opened up the drore and took out my foundation. I covered my face with the powdery substance. I outlined my eyes with the black eyeliner and coated my lips with a thin pink layer of lip gloss.

After school today, Jezebel's house. I picked up my phone and texted Jack.

"Can we please talk?" I put it back in the back pocket of my skin tight jeans.
"N o" the phone read. I felt my eyes prick. No, no more crying. I tried to will myself. I looked at the clock. How the hell am I suppose to get to school today. My mum said that the car people called and said that the car was totaled.

A car horn honked outside the house.
"Raphael someone is here for you" my mum called. I grabbed my bag and ran down the stairs.
"Good morning Lilly" Jezebel's smooth voice said.
"hi" I said blushing slightly.
"He's a cutie" my mum whispered in my ear.
"Mum stop" I whispered back.
"So are you ready to go?"
"Yeah" I said taking his hand and stepping out the door. We got into his car and drove off.
"So did you get any sleep last night?"
"Yeah, some I'm still upset cause of Jack"
"I thought we were done talking about him, he's nothing
"I know" I said looking out the window. Jezebel pulled up into the school parking lot. Since the killer had moved off campus the cops had disappeared from the school. The town was in a panic all of them worrying about who would be next on their list.
"Here we are" Jezebel said turning off the car.
"Ok" I said getting out. I leaned against the car, feeling the tears starting. I covered my face. Jezebel sighed and walked over to me wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I love you baby"
"I l-love you t-too" I chocked out.
"Don't cry" he said wiping a tear from my cheek.
"I just want things to be back to normal" I cried into his shoulder.

"Yeah, but things will get better and remember that I'll always here for you"

"I know" I said drying my eyes. We walked inside together. I saw Jack at the top of the stairs. His green eyes set on mine narrowed in a fierce glare. I bit my lip and turned away. I felt all the emotions in the room, and feeling his just made it worse. How was I suppose to get over him, if I couldn't get him out of my head? It's not like I can just shut him out. He was always there in the back of my mind. I didn't want to go to gym and be in the same room as Jack. But there was no way I could get out of it.
We went into the gym; Jack was standing in the corner talking to a few guys. I saw him and stopped, he glanced over his shoulder eyes set on me. Why was he doing this to me? He'd act like he wanted nothing to do with me but then never take his eyes off of me. Did he want to torture me?
"Something wrong?" Jezebel asked.
"Um, no" I said trying my best to fake a smile. It was really hitting me hard now. All Jack's emotions hate, anger, fear, sadness. Was his hate towards Jezebel any more, or was it just as much geared towards me now? The other students seemed to be on edge more to. The sports jocks all had big games tonight and their anxiety was all flooding into me. Jezebel put his arm around me.
"I can't wait till tonight"
"I-I know" I said again forcing myself to smile. I hated being fake I hated it so much, I'm not a fake person.

"You don't have to pretend around me you know that right?" he said almost as if reading my mind.
"I know but I really am, I just want to get my mind off of everything that's going on"
"Yes, that would be nice" he said looking off and chuckling. Our gym teacher came out with his clip board and gave his wishes to the sports teams then released us to go get dressed. I followed Jezebel into the locker room. All the other guys were already getting dressed. Most of them talking about the game. Jezebel led me to the very back of the locker rooms. It was a secluded part of the place that no one ever used. Rusted lockers that no longer locked, and some even have doors lined the side walls. The yellow musty colored walls covered in graffiti from years past. And the carpet stained with sweat and sports drinks. Jezebel sat down on one of the aged wooden benches.
"Sit" he said motioning me over. I sat down on his lap facing him. He put his hand on my thigh and smiled.
"What?"
"Nothing you're just so beautiful that's all" he said. I blushed.
"I really wish you wouldn't worry so much Lilly"
"I know" I said back. His cool lips touched mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands held my face gently. I could feel the lust behind his kiss. His hands moved from the sides of my face to my shirt. His fingers slipped up under the tight fabric and traced the lines of my ribs.
"Stop" I said pulling back.
"Sorry"
"It's ok, just not here" The bell rang and the locker rooms on the other side filled again. Class was already over.
"Do you want to get out of here?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean let's start out slumber party early"
"Umm, ok"
"Good, come on" he said taking my hand. We walked through the emptying locker room. Jack was still there and our eyes caught as I walked by. This time they weren't as harsh and almost as if pleading.
Jezebel unlocked the car and I got in. The engine purred to life and he put it in drive and drove off. Slumber party? I really don't want to do anything, I'm to heart broken to do anything, can't he see that? Does he care?
"Here we are" he said pulling into the machine's drive way. I'd almost forgotten how big it was.
"Yeah, here we are" I said getting out. He walked over to me.
"Lilly don't lie to my there is something wrong I can tell"
"I'm just tired" I said trying to hide the tears falling down my cheeks with my hair.
"Really?" I covered my mouth with on hand.
"No"
"What's wrong baby?"
"It's just Jack"
"Oh god, why are you still worrying about him, he's nothing now"
"I know but we've been best friends for as long as I can remember"
"I know but it's time to move on now, with me" He said looking in my eyes.
"I know and I want to, b-but I can't" I said clearly crying now.
"Shh, it's ok Lilly" He said holding me in his strong arms.
"Let's go inside ok?"
"Ok" I said following him in. He pulled me over to the living room and sat down on the couch. I laid down on his lap sobbing into his shirt.
"I don't want to be so weak"
"You're a lot stronger then you know" he said in a soothing voice. He lifted my chin up kissing me. He bit at my bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled me closer.
"I love you" he said.
"I love you too"