Dead Wrong

I don’t understand why James wouldn’t like the cat. She seemed so sweet, and defiantly friendly. Then again, like he said, maybe he wasn’t a cat person. Snowball sat perched on my lap, looking out the window. Her tail swished across my face, tickling my nose.

“Snowball, where did you come from?” I asked the feline. She turned her head and nuzzled my neck. This had to be someone’s cat; she’s too sweet to be just a stray. I wonder if her family is looking for her.

The thought brought back memories. If my mother was still alive, she’d be looking for me, that much I know. But is anyone else? Have the simply forgotten that Jack and I ever existed? Are we just another cold case in the back of some police filling cabinet? That’s the sad realization of our so called “law enforcement”, you were only important when relevant or dead.

Once the media had its fun with you, you became nothing more than a passing phase. While some people obsessed over their loved ones where abouts, everyone else just completely casted them aside, to make room for the next one. The only way you’d become relevant again would be if you turned up dead or found.

Leave the lost and dead behind. It’s a price we pay for our growing sizes. There are just simply too many people to keep up with; some are bound to slip between the cracks. Maybe those people don’t want to be found.

Jack and I lived in fear those first few months, of being found. Somehow linked to the horrendous murders. Would we have been ripped apart? Sent to different places? But like I said, we were not longer relevant. No one cared anymore. With the exception of Jack’s parents, it looks as if the world had moved on.

I heard Jack’s footsteps click through the hall, as he came into the living room.
“So we have a cat now?”
“It would appear so” I said looking up at him.

“Well I guess if it makes you happy, just like I said, be careful”
“She’s nice Jack, God, you and James both huh?”
“Well maybe I like her a bit more, then” he said laughing, before patting the cat on the head.

“Jack, James isn’t this horrible person you think he is, he’s lost and scared”
“Of he just wants you to think that”
“Why would he lie to us? He’s a little boy!”

“Lilly all I’m saying is that, no matter how young, people are capable of lying”
“Don’t you think if he was going to do something bad, he’d have done it already?!”
“Maybe, but maybe you’re wrong”

I couldn’t register his words though, as everything started to slow down around me. My head felt like it was splitting in half. I grabbed the sides of it, moaning in pain.
“Lilly! Are you okay?!”
“J-Jack?”
He pressed a cool hand to my forehead, my vision was getting blurry, and my cheeks felt hot. I gasped, as breath began to become harder to get. Snowball leapt off my lap and perched herself upon the mantel.
“Lilly, here baby” Jack said returning with a glass of water. I brought it to my parched lips and sipped. A weird taste filled my mouth, making me spit it back out.
“What’s wrong?!”
“I-It taste funny!” I said handing him the glass.
He gave it a weird look before bringing it to his lips. He made a funny face before setting it down.
“It’s probably just the pipes or something”
“Y-Yeah, sure” I said holding my pounding head tighter.

“Baby, do you need something?”
“J-Jack, make it stop!” I begged as I felt the scares on my stomach burn. Jack looked around the room, throwing his arms around me.
“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” he screamed into the air. His tattered wings casted a shadow on my pale face, but the feeling subsided. I grabbed onto Jack’s shirt with my shaking hands and held on tight.
“It’s okay baby” he said kissing me on the cheek.
“Jack, I feel like this thing is getting closer”
“I know, I feel the same way”
“What are we going to do?”
“There’s nothing we can do really, nothing but wait”

I’m tired of waiting; I’m tired of just sitting around and doing nothing. That’s all I seem to do now a days. Wait, knowing good and well that even when this thing came, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. I’m weak, dead weight.

As I walked up the stairs, the light from the bathroom caught my eye. From under the crack of it, I could see the shadow of two small feet. What the hell is James doing now? Quietly I tip-toed over to the door, pressing my ear against the aged wood.

“Why’d do you have to follow me?” his soft voice spoke. Who is he talking to? And what is he talking about? Who followed him?

“Lilly, I can hear you out there” he said coldly. I jumped at being noticed, as he opened the door.

“I’m sorry, I was just worried about you”
“I’m fine, come in” he said opening the door wider. I slipped through and scanned the room. Sure enough no one was there. It was just James and I.

“Lilly I have another question to ask you” he said fiddling with his nails.
“O-okay”

“Have you ever thought about killing yourself?” he asked blankly.
“N-no, of course not!”
In one quick movement, his small hand was wrapped around my up turned wrist. The pale lines of my old scares shown in the soft yellow light.
“Liar” he said, barely above a whisper.

I pulled my hand back, rubbing where he’d grabbed it. My heart was racing for some odd reason.
“You know, I don’t like being lied to” he said hopping up on the counter.

“I-I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to worry you”
“Worry me? Why would it?”
“Because, I don’t want you to be exposed to that sort of thing”
“Don’t you think I’m already exposed? I’m ridden with sin”
“That’s not true”
“YES IT IS!” he shouted.

“James, you’re not sinful, you’re a good person”
“Lilly, you don’t know what you’re talking about”
“Enlighten me” I said kneeling down, and taking his hands in mine.

“Like you said, I wouldn’t want to expose you to that sort of thing” he said before pulling away his wrist, and jumping back down.

Maybe one little look inside his head wouldn’t hurt? I mean, I’m worried about him, just a little peak to make sure he’s okay. No! I can’t do that, it’s not right. But what if he’s not okay? What if he’s hurt? It’s not like I’m reading his mind or anything, just checking in on how he feels.

I can’t do that though. It’s not fair to him, people need secrets. Without them we’d be hurt all the time. If people couldn’t lie, they couldn’t be happy. Isn’t it ironic that in order to have a happy relationship with anyone, you had to lie? People always think that’s what’s wrong with their relationship. Secrets.

Little do they know, that’s the only reason their shitty excuse for love hasn’t crashed and burned a long time before. This still doesn’t stop me from wanting to know those secrets. It’s a lose, lose situation. Know them, and you’re scared. Keep them hidden, and you’re always wondering what it is.

So which is worse? Not knowing the truth? Or knowing it, but having to deal with the evils of the world? If you knew someone was hiding a secret, not just a middle school who likes whom, but a big one. An evil one. Would you still want to know it? Or would you rather ignore it, and be ignorant. Somehow still having that small sliver of hope, that you just might be wrong.

Is that what I’m doing?