Their Violence, Your Silence.

I stared dully at the view in front of me. A park, with a small pond in which ducks were flapping their wings and pruning their feathers. There was a mother with a small child feeding them. A pleasant serene picture.

I didn't feel very serene inside.

Nor on the outside come to think of it...

I had sneaked back into the house late last night after wandering about and roaming the streets for a few hours. I had fiercely declined a ride from Damien, still not trusting despite his kindness.

I hadn't slept, instead I'd lain awake staring at the ceiling, crying softly.

I still couldn't make sense of what I'd seen and heard last night. I had trouble coming to terms with the fact that Caleb had been cheating on me but I couldn't erase the memory of him kissing another girl.

This morning I'd finally taken of my dress and heals and slipped into a wide pair of sweats and a shirt. The mask I had lost somewhere on the street last night.

Now I sat on a bench in the park, staring at ducks. My hair still curled and styled as if ready for the dance but the make probably mostly gone from crying.

I wasn't crying now. I was too tired and numb to feel anything. Glad of that I took the opportunity to analyze what I'd seen last night.

As soon as I'd entered the gym and headed for the refreshment table Damien had come for me. I was sure of that. He was with me so quickly that he must have been waiting for me to get there. I suppose that wasn't strange in itself, if he wanted to apologize.

I hadn't seen Marley either even though I'd expected her to be the center of attention. She liked it that way and most people seemed happy to oblige to her every wishes.

But Shane would have said something if he'd seen Caleb leave with someone right? That was the part that I didn't understand... plus the fact that I couldn't place Marley anywhere and she was bound to have something to do with it right? Damien said so himself...

Damien had known exactly what was going on and he'd been trying to warn me about it several times... Did he warn me out of concern or was there an ulterior motive?

Then my mind reached the part where I found Caleb and for a moment I felt a stabbing pain in my chest.

I laughed at that, who knew you could actually physically feel heartbreak?

Despite everything strange I'd noticed and seen all that evening, it couldn't take away the fact that Caleb had been willingly kissing that girl. Even though she'd looked a bit like me with the mask, glasses and red hair.

Still... I didn't look that geeky now did I?

He'd been pressed up against the wall, his hands around her waist and he'd looked utterly surprised at seeing me. He'd even looked in confusion between me and the other girl... Already grasping at straws I thought: maybe he'd really thought it was me. He did say so when I left.

It immediately made me think of the last words he'd shouted at me. The words that I'd barely been able to make out over the cacophony of voices and music from the dance.

'I thought she was you! Wins! Winter! I love you!'

I love you...

But was it really those words I'd heard him say? Did he mean them? I knew for sure that I loved him... That much was sure.

I breathed out deeply and leaned my head back against the bench I was sitting on and closed my eyes. Maybe I should go back home and try to get some sleep at last. I knew I still felt numb and tired enough for that.

Or maybe I'd just take a little nap out here, even though my winter coat wasn't all that warm. Either way was fine with me, as long as people would just leave me alone.

Just as I'd closed my eyes I heard a voice: 'Mind if I sit here?'

Of course, just when you wish for solitude. With a slightly wry smile I nodded, 'Sure, I don't mind.'

It was the woman with the small child I'd seen feeding the ducks a few moments before. She looked a little haggard as she sat down, a baby in her arms. But she gently tucked the child in closer to her chest to shield it from the wind.

The child I'd seen before, a little boy, was a few feet away playing with a ball.

'Keeps me up all night, this one,' the woman admonished with a nod to the baby. 'As soon as I put her down all she does is cry...'

I nodded politely, 'I guess most babies are like that...'

The woman send me a warm smile, 'I suppose... So what's been keeping you awake dear?'

I stared at the woman's face for a moment. Her hair was black and pinned back, it looked a little stern. But her eyes were a warm chocolate brown, she looked friendly and compassionate, as if she was genuinely interested.

I smiled softly at her, 'I couldn't sleep...Had a rough night I suppose.'

'High school is never easy, boy trouble I'm guessing?' the woman replied as she carefully adjuster her hold on the baby.

For some reason I felt compelled to tell the truth, 'You have no idea...' And at her inquiry I told her in short what had happened. Refraining from going into detail about what Damien had done to me earlier.

When the story was done I felt relieved, it was nice to get it off my chest. Without having to deal with a hyper or angry Cassie or Katie as I was sure would happen had I told either of them. I bet they'd have marched off together to beat up Caleb themselves had I let them.

The woman seemed lost in thought for a bit when I was done, as if she was thinking about the situation and what advice she should give.

Then she said: 'It sounds to me like that Damien would do anything to get you away from Caleb...I think maybe you should give Caleb the chance to explain things. Don't judge to hastily or you might regret it for the rest of your life.'

The rueful tone of her voice made me think she carried just such a regret with her. I carefully reached out a hand and touched her shoulder, 'Thank you for the advice and the patience...'
She nodded, 'I'm glad to help, why don't you go home dear? A shower and a bit of sleep will help you clear your head too.'

I said goodbye to her and the children and hurried home. Thinking about her words but mostly looking forward to a hot shower now. Maybe everything would be clear to me after that.