Corrupt Me

Oh my God, oh my God. What is he doing? Oh God. No, why? Oh God!

My mind was running a million miles a minute while Angel was pinning me to the ground and leaning towards my face. I’m not an idiot. I know that he likes me. I know and I let him like me. Hell, I even like that he likes me. And I kinda like him, too. But, oh my God. I was so not ready for physical things with him. I’m not even gay. I have a girlfriend. I’ve always been brought up to think that homosexuality is a sin, that it’s wrong. That I shouldn’t be feeling romantic feelings towards someone of my own gender. And yet, as I said before, I did nothing to stop Angel liking me, nothing to drive him away. And I didn’t want to push him away then either, as he was leaning down to kiss me, even though I knew that I should. I should stop it, before it was too late.

I’d made up my mind. I was going to stop it. Make him get off of me and evacuate his house as quickly as possible and hope that the next time I saw him; he wouldn’t bring any of this up again.

But as soon as his lips touched mine, I just stopped thinking, and almost stopped breathing. And suddenly, I didn’t care that this was wrong, I didn’t care what my parents would think, I didn’t care about anything but how amazing Angel’s lips felt as they massaged my own.

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy the kiss.

I don’t know how long it went on for, but I do know that after a little while, I was finding it hard to breathe, and I had to pull away so I didn’t suffocate. I was breathing just as heavily as I was before Angel started kissing me. My eyes had slipped shut as well.

I guess I enjoyed it more than I thought.

I kept my eyes shut while I worked to steady my breathing. Angel had moved down to kiss my neck and my chest and wow, it felt good. He is amazing with his mouth.
Oh God, I can’t believe I just thought that!

When I was finally able to get my breathing under control, I trusted myself enough to open my eyes and assess the situation.

There we were, Angel and I, on his TV room floor (comfortable carpet, by the way), him on top of me with a knee on either side of my hips, kissing down my neck. If my parents or anyone else in my family walked in right now, I’d either be grounded for eternity or sent to a gay camp or something because the position we were in was definitely not heterosexual.

When Angel realised that I’d been still and silent for a little while, he stopped kissing my throat even though I didn’t want him to stop, and looked up. He was breathing heavily like I was a few moments before but the dopey smile on his face and look of satisfaction made it obvious how much he enjoyed what we had just done. His hair was much messier than it was before as well…

After a moment or two just looking at me, Angel managed to breathe out, “Fuck, Micah, that was…”
“I know,” I whispered. He didn’t have to finish his sentence. I knew exactly what he was thinking, and I didn’t even know how to describe it either.

We stayed in the position we were in for a few minutes; not speaking or kissing, just looking at each other.

I slowly regained control of my senses in that time and my brain kicked into overdrive as reality came crashing down around me. I had not only just kissed Angel. I had made out with him. I made out with a boy. What would my parents think if they found out? They’d hate me. What would my friends think? James? Isabelle? Portia? Would they stop being my friends? What does Angel expect of me now? Does he expect me to be his boyfriend? Oh my gosh, I still have a girlfriend! I cheated on Isabelle by kissing Angel. I mean, I never really felt romantically about her but I still like her; she’s still my friend. But will she still be my friend if I cheated on her? I’m guessing not. I already know that she’s not fond of Angel and especially of all the attention he gives me at school.

What the hell have I done? If anyone ever finds out about what just happened with Angel I’m going to get kicked out of home and lose all my friends. My family will hate me. I’ll probably get bullied at school for being homosexual. I’ll have to become a drug dealer or something to be able to pay for living expenses.

I can’t deal with this. It has to stop right now.

“Uhhhhh…” I managed to groan out as I began to try and wriggle my way out from between Angel’s legs. Surprisingly, he let me go without any struggle, and I backed as far away from him as I possibly could without going through the TV room wall.
“Micah?” Angel said quietly, looking incredibly confused. Oh gosh, he looked so cute.
“I have to go. Now,” I said, my voice shaking slightly, and hightailed it out of the room. I gathered my books and other things as fast as I could and then ran to the front door. Of course, while Angel and I were…busy, it had started raining.
“Micah, wait!” Angel shouted from behind me as I stepped outside and began to walk quickly down his driveway. I turned to look at him for a second, wanting badly to go back to his house, but instead I pushed the thought aside.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing perfectly well he couldn’t hear me, and then set off for home.

***

I was absolutely drenched by the time I opened my front door and stepped inside. My whole family were in the front room, watching some movie on TV, and they all turned to look at me with wide eyes.

As I was in no mood to talk to any of them, I just put my head down and headed to my room. Once there, I changed into something comfortable and warm and lay down on my bed with my head under my pillow.

I wanted to sleep, but my brain wouldn’t let me. Over and over again, it was asking the same question: “What the hell did I just do?”

What did I just do?

I kissed a boy. And I liked it.

Shit.