Corrupt Me

“I have to go. Now.”

Fuck.

Micah ran out of the room faster than I’d ever seen him run before. He’d gathered all of his things together so quickly that he was already at the front door and exiting by the time I finally caught up to him.

“Micah, wait!” I shouted after him. He was going to get soaked! It was raining really heavily. When did that happen?

At the end of my driveway, Micah turned to look at me, and I hoped for a second that he’d just come back to me and I’d warm him up and calm him down. But he just continued walking.

If I’d had a car, I would have immediately jumped in it and picked him up and taken him home, but I didn’t, so I fretted for several hours after he left, hoping that he got home safely. I sent him dozens of text messages, but I didn’t get a reply until much later.

I’m fine.

Those two words gave me the opposite of relief. ‘I’m fine’ usually translates to ‘I’m not fine at all’.
What the fuck did I do? I should have known he wasn’t ready to kiss me. He probably doesn’t even fucking like me and I forced myself on him.
I’ve ruined everything with him.

God, Angel. Why are you so stupid? You always ruin every good thing in your life. You pushed Riley too far as well and now you’ve gone and fucked up with Micah. You don’t even deserve to be loved in the first place.

***

I had been sitting on my bedroom floor with my knees up to my chest and my face in my hands, letting my berating thoughts wash over me for I don’t know how long, when I received another text message. I grabbed my phone, hoping against hope that the name on the screen read ‘Micah’, but no such luck. It was Drew, asking if I wanted to go to his place for drinks and sex.
Okay, so sex wouldn’t actually be happening. It’s just a little running joke we have together. Drew and I have never screwed each other and it’s most likely going to stay that way, unless he suddenly becomes attracted to dick.

But anyway, I replied with a ‘yes’ and started to get ready. I knew that with the invitation came a free lift to his place so I knew he’d be picking me up shortly. I changed my shirt and pants, since the original ones were still covered in cookie, and then, after putting on my shoes and a hoodie and grabbing my phone, I went to wait outside.

Drew pulled up a few minutes later with a large grin on his face, which quickly disappeared when he saw my expression.
“What’s wrong, dude?” he asked, obviously concerned.
“Nothing…” I murmured in reply.
“Bullshit. Tell me Angel. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so down.”
“I kissed Micah.”
Drew paused. “You…okay? But…”
“He ran out of my house in the pouring rain and he took ages to text me back only to say he was fine. I fucked up, Drew.”
“You don’t know that. He could just be in shock or something. He’s straight, right?”
“Think so. Pretty sure.” Even though I wished he wasn't.
“So, hooking up with another dude is probably a big deal for him. He probably liked it and is scared that he did. He’s religious, too, remember?”
I nodded.
“Try not to think about it, then.” I nodded again, but I knew it wouldn’t be easy not to think about it.
When I didn’t say anything again for a couple of seconds, Drew nodded to himself and started his truck. It spluttered into life as usual, and he gunned the engine to start it off down my driveway.

Heavy metal music was coming from the speakers and I let the rough male voice wash over me and seep into my brain.

I was so ready to get my drink on by the time Drew pulled up out the front of his house. I just wanted to get drunk enough that Micah left my mind for the night.

As soon as I walked into the house, I grabbed the first bottle that caught my eye and took a large swig. I coughed from the burning in my throat but it didn’t bother me aside from that. I continued taking large gulps of whatever it was in the bottle and soon began to feel the sweet sensation of drunkenness.

But, as much as I tried to concentrate on the ear-splitting music and as much alcohol as I consumed, Micah still starred in all my thoughts.
Over and over again, I pictured his face as he backed up against my TV room wall, and I heard the sound of his voice as he spoke those last words to me – “I need to go. Now.”
I saw the words “I’m fine” etched on the inside of my eyelids when I closed my eyes.

Everything was him, and everything hurt.

I don’t recall making the decision to leave Drew’s house or walking down his street in the pouring rain. I don’t remember climbing over the safety rail of the bridge, either, but I found myself standing precariously on the edge, with tears streaming down my face and mixing with the rain.

“ANGEL!”
Drew’s voice startled me, and I almost slipped, but I caught myself just in time.
“Angel, come on. Come down, man. It’s not worth it, he’s not worth it,” he pleaded.
“He is. I love him and I fucked it all up.”
“Give me your phone.”
“What?”
“Just do it, okay?”
I fished my phone carefully out of my pocket with my left hand, while my right gripped tightly onto the rail behind me, and handed it to Drew. I didn’t know, or care, why he wanted my phone. I didn’t really care about anything much anymore.