Corrupt Me

I stayed in my room alone for a few hours after I got home from Angel’s house. My phone had gone off about a million times since I left him, with phone calls and text messages from him apologising for what happened and asking if I was okay. I didn’t really know what to write back to him because I wasn’t okay. I was in shock, I was scared, I was conflicted about my feelings towards him and towards homosexuality, and I had no idea how to express any of that to him, or to anyone else, for that matter.

But after receiving over 20 messages laced with varying degrees of panic, I decided to just write back the least informative message imaginable: I’m fine.

I had a feeling that those two words would probably drive Angel mental, but he didn’t write back after that so after a while I relaxed a little. Maybe he would just give up and let me forget that the kiss even happened? Maybe he would let me get on with my life as I did before he forced his way into it?

I tried to concentrate on those comforting thoughts, but I couldn’t stop that little voice in the back of my head that kept telling me that I like what I have going on with Angel and that I don’t really want to have my life go back to the normal, rather boring Christian one I lived for 16 years, because Angel made me actually feel alive and different and special.

I wanted to just scream and cry and laugh all at once when I thought about Angel and what happened at his place. I knew that the kiss should not have happened. I knew that. But I still wanted more. I wanted so, so badly to go back inside when he called for me while I was at the end of his driveway and that absolutely scared the crap out of me. Why did I want to go back to him? He had just kissed me, for crying out loud. And what’s worse: I let him kiss me. And, I enjoyed it.

My whole life, I was brought up to believe that homosexuality is wrong, and then, I meet Angel and suddenly everything I believed in previously just gets tossed out the window. How can something so wrong feel so damn good? I wanted that kiss, I liked that kiss and I wanted more. I wanted Angel to hold me and touch me and just… just let me feel things, rather than think about things. I wanted him to tell me that what I’m feeling isn’t wrong, that it’s a normal part of discovering yourself and your sexuality. I still didn’t believe that I was gay. I couldn’t. But I felt like I could believe that it was possible that I could like Angel as more than a friend.

Yes, that kiss changed almost everything I ever believed about myself and I hated that.

But I wasn’t going to hide from it anymore. Maybe, just maybe, Angel could change my life for the better. And maybe, just maybe, I could change his as well…

***

I had fallen asleep to the thought that perhaps Angel and I could change each other’s lives. It wasn’t exactly a comforting thought. I was still terribly scared of my newly discovered attitude toward life, but somewhere in between the thoughts of horror and wonder and confusion, I found peace, and slept for a couple of hours.

I woke up to my phone once again telling me I had a text message.
The name on the screen was Angel’s, and I apprehensively opened it, wondering what on earth he could have thought of to write back to “I’m fine”.

Micah, this is Angel’s friend Drew. I’m gonna call you when you reply to this. There’s kind of an emergency.

My heart leapt into my throat and I was suddenly terrified for Angel. I typed back a quick ok and waited for the phone call.

My ringtone went off within a couple of seconds.

“Hello?”

“Micah?”

“Yeah, it’s me. What’s wrong?”

“You know the bridge off of the main street heading towards where the mall is? Dex’s Diner is right before it and then you cross and the mall is right there?”

I gasped quietly. He couldn’t be doing something that stupid, could he? “Y-yeah,” I replied nervously.

“Can you get there? Angel is being a drama queen and thinks he fucked up with you and now he’s threatening to jump even though it’s only like 10 feet from the water and we used to jump off it all the time when we were kids. I don’t think he’ll listen to anyone but you,” Drew said very quickly. “Oh, and he’s also very drunk so if he does jump he probably won’t do too well in the water and then I’ll have to jump in there to save him, which would suck cause the water is usually fucking freezing.”

“I can get there. Um…I’ll ask my sister to take me. Tell Angel he didn’t fu – uh, mess up with me.”

“Good. Get here soon, okay? Bye,” Drew said, and then hung up without letting me say anything else.

“Bye…” I whispered to the dial tone.

Oh my gosh, what the hell am I going to do? My parents can’t find out that I’m leaving the house in the middle of the night to stop some boy who kissed me from jumping off a 10 foot tall bridge.

I know that I’ve always felt that I could trust Georgia with everything, but I didn’t know how she would react if I asked her to take me out to stop Angel. She would ask too many difficult questions that I can’t answer without giving away all that I was thinking about earlier. And I know that she would be concerned that I’m hiding so much. My sister and I have always spoken so easily together. But this…this was different. I didn’t think I could trust Georgia with this.

I needed Elise. She wouldn’t ask so many questions. She would understand the need for secrecy, and I know for a fact that she knows the best way to sneak out of the house without getting caught.

Without another thought, I bolted out of my room, and over to Elise and Sara’s bedroom door. I knocked as loudly as I dared, and heard one of my sisters fall off their bed.
A second later, Elise flung open the door.

“I didn’t do it o…oh, Micah, it’s you. I thought you were Mom. What’s up?”

“Um…Can you do something for me?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Can you take me somewhere, like, right now?”

“Yeah…” Elise dragged out, “Where do you need to go at this time of night?”

“The bridge near Dex’s Diner. My friend is in trouble…”

“Your friend, huh? Yeah, I’ll take you. You’re lucky I park my car on the street, Mics. Just let me get dressed, okay? Meet me at the car.”

“Thanks, Elise,” I said, relieved that I didn’t have to explain any more than I did. “But how do I get out without Mom and Dad catching me?”

“Laundry room, duh. That door is always easy to get in and out of. Whenever I sneak out, I always get Sara to unlock it for me so I can get back in. Never been caught,” she replied, with a rebellious smile. I smiled back, nervous, but somewhat excited. I’d never snuck out of the house before. Elise then shut the door on me so she could change.

I very quietly made my way into the laundry room as Elise instructed, and in no time at all, I was outside, waiting in the rain by Elise’s car. A minute or two later, I saw a figure running towards me from my house, and for a second I thought that it was my Mom or my Dad and that this would all be over, but then my sister came into focus and opened the car.

“Aw shit, Mics, why didn’t you tell me it would be this wet outside?” she questioned as she slipped into the driver’s seat.

“You have a window, you know El?”

She laughed, “Touché. Okay, so the bridge near Dex’s, yeah?”

“Yep, that’s the one. Thanks.”

It was about an 8 minute trip to the bridge; one that had me on edge the entire time just thinking about what could possibly be going through Angel’s head. I couldn’t stop fidgeting the entire ride, and when Elise finally pulled up outside of the diner, I was already unbuckled and opening the door before she turned off the engine.

“Micah, wait!” Elise called just as I was about to start running towards the figures I could see on the dimly lit bridge. I turned back to the car to look at her. “Do you want me to just wait here or come with you?”

“Just wait, please. I don’t know how everything is going to turn out” I replied, hoping that she wouldn’t mind.

“Yeah, okay, try not to be long, alright?”

“I’ll try,” I called back to her as I bolted down to where Drew and Angel were.

Angel was standing with his back towards Drew, on the other side of the barrier where you’re not meant to be. I could hear strangled sobs coming from his mouth as I came closer and it broke my heart. I hated to see him like that.

Drew noticed me approaching and moved away from Angel a little to talk to me. Angel didn’t notice.

“Micah, hey.”

“Hi…What can I do?”

“Just talk to him. He thinks he fucked everything up with you by kissing you. He thinks he scared you off.”

It made me blush red to think that Angel had told Drew that we kissed, but it didn’t seem to bother Drew at all, so I decided to let it go. After all, he would probably be used to hearing about his best friend kissing boys.

I nodded to Drew. “Okay, I’ll try…” I said, and moved closer to Angel and took a deep breath. I had no idea what I was going to say, but I just started talking anyway.

“Angel? It’s me, Micah. Um…Drew called me. Why are you doing this? I don’t…I mean, oh God, I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling right now, but I do know that you shouldn’t worry about scaring me off or messing everything up. I…I like you, Angel. You…you make me feel things I haven’t felt before. You make me feel carefree and happy but at the same time, terrified and confused. That kiss…it was…just…great,” I finished lamely, but I didn’t know how to put it any other way. Words just evaded me.

Angel had slowly turned to face me as I was making my speech, and was looking at me as if he couldn’t actually believe I was there and saying those things to him.

“Micah…”

“Yes?”

“Do you really mean all of that?”

I paused for a moment, and looked into his wet, but sparkling eyes. “Yes. Now, get down from there. Please. I want you to kiss me again.”