Corrupt Me

Shit. I've gone and fucked this whole thing up massively. Micah was looking at me with the widest eyes I've ever seen and his mouth open in an ‘o’ shape. I might have made a joke about how it was the perfect shape to stick my dick in if it wasn't such an intense moment.

“I think I might love you, okay!”

I felt like my words were echoing through the room, but they weren’t. They were just echoing through my head, and each time, they sounded stupider than the last. I had to take them back before Micah freaks out and leaves me alone forever.

“I-I’m s –” I began, but he cut me off.

“Really?” he asked, surprisingly calm. Maybe he wasn’t going to react how I imagined. I still didn’t want to admit it, though I realised then that I really did mean what I said. I love him.

“I – Yes,” I whispered, and hung my head, looking down at my extremely exciting shoes. I felt like I stayed in that position forever, but it was probably only a minute or two, until I heard Micah stand up from his chair and move to the one closest to me. He put his hand under my chin and lifted my head slowly. He had an odd look on his face, kind of like a half – but terrified – smile. He leaned towards me and placed a small, hesitant kiss on my lips. It was soft and sweet and over in a second, but it was incredible. And for once, I didn’t want it to continue into a full-on make-out session. I was happy with that one small peck.

Micah leaned back, and watched me for a few seconds, scanning my face with his eyes until he finally spoke.

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t say that very often?”

His question surprised me, and I took a while to think about my answer. I didn’t really want to talk about Riley, but I think I had to with Micah, if only to explain why I am the way I am.

I took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly.

“I don’t say it at all… Last time I said it – and meant it – I was 14 years old. To Riley...He was my first boyfriend…My only boyfriend. He was 19, and I was in love with him. I met him at a party Braden’s brother Jesse threw and I fell for him instantly. I thought he liked me too…at least that’s how he treated me at first. He took me out on dates and bought me things…perfect boyfriend really…”

I paused, and studied Micah’s face. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. He didn’t say anything, so I continued with my story.

“I lost my virginity to him. It…hurt, a lot. I thought it was normal until I realised that you’re supposed to prep and use lube, not just shove your dick in and ignore your boyfriend’s screams of pain…”

Micah gasped at my last sentence. He looked horrified, but he still didn’t say anything. I don’t think he really knew what to say.

“A-Anyway, that happened, and after that he basically just started using me for sex, and I let him because I loved him. It lasted a few months…don’t know how long exactly but eventually I realised that he didn’t love me and it broke my heart and I tried harder than ever to please him, to make him love me. He…he let some of his friends do me as well. I was just property to him. A sex doll…”

At that point, Micah was crying. I didn’t know that my story would have had that effect on him. If I did, I wouldn’t have told him. I don’t want him to cry. I never want to see him cry. I wiped some of the tears off his cheek before I continued. Now that I had started, I just wanted to finish.

“It all changed when he was arrested. It turned out that he was involved in an armed robbery that happened at a gas station. The worker was killed, and I don’t know if Riley did that, or the other guy but I guess it doesn’t really matter now. Riley was put away for 11 years. I went to see him the first time he was allowed visitors. I still loved him and I guess I wanted him to know that I did. When I told him, he just laughed in my face. He told me he never loved me and that I was just a stupid little kid who was good for a few fucks and that was it. Then he told me to fuck off, and I never saw him again after that. And then I just became a huge slut, fucking whoever I wanted and not letting myself get attached. And it was working, until I met you. You changed how I thought my world worked. You were so innocent and beautiful and perfect and at first I just wanted to see if I could get in your pants…but you changed me and I started feeling things for you that I didn’t think I’d be able to feel again. I fell for you. I love you.”

It was almost silent after I said my last sentence. Micah was still crying softly and I left him to his thoughts. After a few minutes, he began to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand, before he sniffed once or twice. My hand was resting on my knee, and he took it in his own. It was slightly damp but I didn’t care. He squeezed once, and then looked me in the eye.

“Angel… I-I’m so sorry that happened to you. I had no idea how much pain you went through before I met you, and I understand now why you are so crude and sexual all the time with me. I thought it was because you just liked sex and wanted to sleep with me but I understand now…you’re doing it to protect yourself and you did a pretty good job of it, too. I was scared of you at first, I admit that, but then I noticed that you weren’t nearly as tough as you pretended to be and I started to enjoy it when you messed with me. I was…terrified when you kissed me at your house. Not ‘cause I thought I was going to Hell either…”

I snorted at that, and he shot me a smile.

“It was because you made me feel things for you that I knew I shouldn’t be feeling,” he continued. “I grew up thinking that gay equals sin equals being disowned by my parents and cut off from my friends and I didn’t think I could handle it. But…I kind of don’t care anymore. Honestly, I think Dad would be okay with it. I know Elise is. I just…I don’t know what to do about Isabelle or Mom. It’s…difficult. Can you see where I’m coming from?”

“Of course,” I replied, “I get it. Look, I’ve known that you aren’t interested in Isabelle for ages.”

“I didn’t even realise I said ‘yes’ when she asked me out. I was thinking about something else at the time. I never really liked her in that way.”

That made me laugh; trust Micah not to realise he was getting himself a girlfriend. “You’re a dork,” I said, and he blushed. “If you aren’t interested in her, break it off. Tell her you’d rather be friends.”

“Ha,” he laughed humourlessly. “Easier said than done.”

“I’ll tell her right now, if you like?” I offered, with a grin.

“Not a chance!” he shot back, smiling widely now. It didn’t last long before it faded again. “I think I really do need to though. It’s not right to continue being in a relationship with someone when I want to be with someone else.”

My heart stopped. Did he really just say that?

“You…really…what?” I spluttered out.

“I want to be with you, Angel. I want to try this…this thing we have going on. But I have to break up with Isabelle first and we have to keep it a secret from my family and friends, at least for now.”

Oh, my God.
He wants to be with me.
I’d sing if I had a voice that didn’t sound like a wailing cat.

I did the next best thing. I grabbed him and I kissed him hard, and he kissed me back just as hard. There was a battle of sheer pressure and I loved every second of it.

Unfortunately, it couldn’t last as long as I had hoped, because the bell rang not long after we began what was a fantastic make-out session. Micah pulled away first.

“We…we, uh…” he began, completely out of breath. His chest was heaving up and down. “We should go…to uh…the…the class.”
I smirked. “What class?” I asked, teasing him.
He hit me playfully on the chest. “Shut up!”

“Alright, alright. We should go to the class, then. Come on,” I said, standing up and grabbing his hand.

I pulled him through the maze that was a bunch of chairs, perhaps a little bit too fast for him in his dazed state, because I accidentally made him run into one.

“OW!” he yelled, hopping on one leg, “Fffff…”

“Say it.”

“What?”

“Say it. What you were holding back.”

“Fudge?”

“What?! Oh, come on! That hurt like a bitch, right?”

He nodded.

“So swear about it! FUCK! See? It’s easy, and it’s a proven fact that swearing makes physical pain hurt less.”

He began to smile. “Is that really true, or did you make that up?”

“I swear on my life, it’s true.”

“Okay…f-fuck,” he whispered.

“Didn’t hear you.”

“Fuck!” he almost shouted, and then began to laugh as he grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the classroom.

As I ran behind Micah, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was when he was carefree, happy and laughing.

God, I love him so much.