Corrupt Me

Saying goodbye to Micah after our little afternoon date without being able to kiss him was extremely difficult. We hadn't even kissed to ‘seal the deal’, so to speak, when I asked him to be my boyfriend. Seeing his face after I blurted out that I wanted him to be my boyfriend, I honestly thought that he was going to turn me down. And I would have understood. I really would have. He's so scared about people, especially his family, finding out, that I thought for sure he would say no. But he surprised me, as tends to do. I can never quite figure out what's going on inside his head, but I know that it's a very confused place and I know that he tries so hard to pretend like everything is all fine and dandy, when sometimes I think he's falling apart on the inside. I don't know how he's going to handle it when I have to tell him that Drew knows we’re together.

I didn't intentionally tell Drew. I promised Micah that I wouldn't tell anyone and I intended to keep that promise. But as soon as I got in Drew’s car after I left Micah at his door, the first thing my best friend said to me was “You're dating, aren't you? You're boyfriends.”
I tried to deny it but I think the shocked look on my face that he was that perceptive showed the truth. While I tried to stutter out my denial, Drew spoke over the top of me, “I'm not an idiot, Angel. I can see the way you look at each other.” He started the truck and began to move out into the street. It was silent for a few moments until he continued. “It's no big deal, you know. I've always been cool with you sucking dick. Hell, you fucked a guy in front of me once and I didn't care that much.”
“I didn't know you were awake when that happened,” I mumbled in response. He chuckled, probably remembering how much shit he gave me the next day.
“Either way, man, it's cool. Alright?”
I didn't respond for a long time. We were almost at my house when I spoke again.
“He didn't want anyone to know,” I said quietly.
“Why not? Is he ashamed of you or something?”
His theory shocked me. “No! No, nothing like that. At least I don't think so… He's terrified.”
“Of you? Who wouldn't be?” Drew joked again, but he sobered up when he saw my face was serious. He pulled into my driveway, switched off the car and turned slightly to face me. “Why is he terrified?”
I took a second to gather my thoughts, then took a big breath. “He thinks that his family and friends will disown him if they found out that he's g- well, actually I don't know if he's gay or not, which is another thing he's scared about cause he doesn't know what he is either. He says he only likes me. I have no idea if he actually liked Isabelle or whatever when they were going out, so I don't know if he's bi. I want to help him, too. I want to be able to say, ‘yeah you're bi’ or ‘yeah, you're definitely homo like me’ but I can't because I just don't fucking know! It fucking sucks that he has no idea who he is cause I think if he did it would make it a bit easier on him if people found out we're together but they're all just gonna jump to conclusions if he can't say for sure.”

Drew had listened to my rant in silence, and stayed silent for a moment after I finished, obviously thinking about what I just said. This is what I love about Drew. He may have this ‘tough guy’ exterior and a ‘don't give a shit’ attitude but when one of his friends is having a crisis, he's absolutely amazing. He really puts in thought about what someone is going through and does the best he can to come up with a solution for them, or at least a way of helping them to think through their problem.

"Does it matter to you what his sexuality is?” he asked, and I considered that for a second.
“No,” I began slowly. “I don't think it does. I just want him to be happy with who he is, and comfortable to be with me as a normal couple.”
Drew nodded. “Okay. Well in that case, you need to remind him that he doesn't need to identify as one sexuality or another just to be with you. Maybe he thinks that he has to be gay because you are. Or straight because that's what God says is right, and it's driving him nuts trying to figure it out. As long as you tell him you don't care what his sexuality is when he's with you, maybe it'll make things a bit easier knowing that he doesn't have to have it all figured out to be with you.”

What Drew said made a lot of sense, and I started to feel a little better. I want to be able to help my boyfriend (God, it's amazing being able to say that) any way that I can and make all this easier for him. I didn't really have a coming out experience, so I don't really know what it's like. My mother didn't give two shits when I tried to tell her I was dating Riley, and I didn't really bother telling my friends with words. I was over at Braden’s with Drew and Rochelle one day and Riley was there hanging out with Brady’s brother Jesse and I went up to him and began making out with him. My friends were shocked, but totally okay with it. I don't know if I could say the same for Micah’s friends and family, when they find out, although I did remember that his big sister Elise was cool with it when she did. I wonder if he remembers that, or if I should remind him. He needs to know that he does have people on his side in this…

“Um, dude?” My thoughts were interrupted by Drew’s voice, and it was then that I remembered I was still sitting in his truck in my driveway. I looked at him. “You okay?”
“Yeah, actually. Thanks, man. What you said really helped. I think I can find a way to help Mics now.”
“I'm glad. But, um… There's something I wanna say but I don't want you getting the wrong idea…”
“Go on,” I replied, curious.
“You love him,” he stated, and waited for my response.
“Yeah…” I agreed.
“If he breaks your heart, I won't hesitate to break his neck. I'm not watching you go through what you did with Riley again. I should have fucked him up for what he did to you, but at least he's getting some of what he deserves in jail.”
“I get where you're coming from, but Micah isn't like that. He's not a fucking asshole like Riley. I always knew he was a dick, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. Micah’s the complete opposite. If we don't work out, it'll be my fault, not his.”
Drew didn't look convinced, but he let it go. “What are you up to tonight?”
“Not too sure. Probably watch tv and text Micah or some shit,” I replied. Drew snorted.
“You're whipped already. That reminds me, your phone went off while you were daydreaming.”
“I wasn't daydreaming, I was thinking. There's a difference,” I snapped, taking my phone out of my pocket. I looked at the message on the screen from Micah, and my heart dropped a little as I read it. “Looks like my plans are off. Micah got grounded and his phone taken off him by his mom for talking back.”
“Ooh, you're dating a rebel,” Drew joked, and I punched him on the arm lightly in response.
“Wanna hang out tonight? Pizza and a movie and a couple of drinks?”
“Sounds good, man. Should we invite Braden and Chelle?”
“Yeah, that's cool.”
“Can I invite Savannah?” he asked, grinning this time, knowing full well what my answer would be. I hate that girl. I don't even give a shit if he's trying to bed her.
“Fuck no, I'm not having that slut in my house!”
He laughed, “Okay, okay, just the two lovebirds then. Fuck, I need to find a girlfriend now. I'm feeling all left out.”
I snorted, “Whatever. You can't keep a girlfriend for more than a week.” I ended our little conversation by unbuckling my seatbelt and almost falling out of Drew’s truck. I heard him laughing at me while he got out, but I chose to ignore it. It was a huge surprise (not) when we got inside my house and my mother wasn't anywhere to be seen. That was fine by me.

Drew texted Brady and invited him and Chelle over, while I dug out the menu for the local pizza place and then found my hidden stash of alcohol. Drew and I played a video game for about half an hour until the others turned up. We ordered pizza soon after and by then it was time to start drinking. We put on some music and opened up my new bottle of tequila and proceeded to get pretty wasted. I don't remember too much of the rest of the night, but I do remember wishing that Micah was there with me; dancing, drinking, making out…
I can't believe he's finally mine. He's so perfect, but yet he chose me of all people to be with. It just blows my mind how much I've fallen for him. I never thought I could fall in love again after Riley, but here I am, pretty much head over heels. I hope that he could like me as much as I like him one day. I think he could. And if he's able to prove it to me like he did in my drunken dream, my God, I'm an extremely lucky guy...