Corrupt Me

While Micah was yelling at me, I was sitting up in the hotel bed, desperately trying to recall what had happened the night before. I was so fucking stupid. I knew I can’t have white rum without having some sort of blackout. I don’t know why but drinking rum does crazy things to me and I’ve lost memories from many a night to the effects of it. But after the initial few screwdrivers that Micah and I ordered, he wanted to try something else and the bartender suggested mojitos and by the time I remembered what type of alcohol they have in them, it was too late; I was well and truly drunk and so was Micah. And then Micah wanted to do shots of the stuff and apparently my drunken mind thought ‘who am I to deny my boyfriend of that?’

I tried to apologise and explain all of this to Micah while he was getting dressed but he kept cutting me off, telling me he didn’t want to hear it and that all I’d tell him would be lies. That hurt. I never lied to him, not about anything. I wanted to get up from the bed and just hug Micah and calm him down but I knew that if I tried he would rip my head off, and so I had no choice but to let him pack up the stuff he brought with him and let him leave.

I hoped that he would just go down to the lobby to calm down but when Drew knocked on my door a few minutes later and told me that he saw Micah leaving the hotel looking like he wanted to punch something, I lost all hope that he would be calm enough to talk to in the near future.

I broke down when Drew asked what happened. He already knew about my problem with rum so that was one thing I didn’t have to explain, but he listened patiently and hugged me while I told him of the morning’s events. Micah had said some pretty horrible things to me that I didn’t deserve but that wasn’t why I was upset. I was upset because I couldn’t remember what happened. There were bits and pieces that had started to come back in the few minutes I was alone, but usually it takes a lot of concentration to get all – or at the very least, most of – my memories back from a blackout. For example, I immediately remembered ordering us mojitos, but I only remembered drinking them after a bit of thought. I remembered going into the pharmacy near the hotel but I couldn’t remember what I bought until I looked over at the nightstand and saw the bottle of lube. The fact that Micah and I were naked when we woke up triggered the memory of us undressing to have sex, but not of the actual act itself. It was only after Micah had finished yelling at me and left that flashes of the act started to shine through the haze. I knew that I topped. I knew that it felt amazing. I saw an image of Micah’s face screwed up in pleasure. Bits and pieces, but they weren’t enough.

Drew stayed with me for probably about an hour before I asked him to leave me to think. I really needed to get to the bottom of what happened because I would never forgive myself if I didn’t. The first thing I did, though, was find my phone and call Micah. I had to know if he was okay. I listened to it ring and ring until there was a slight pause before hearing “Hi, you’ve reached Micah’s phone. Leave me a message”.

I sighed and hung up. I didn’t know what I could say to him in a message. I rang again, just in case he simply missed the call but I just got voicemail again. He was ignoring me. Big surprise. I fucked up and now this is my consequence. He probably didn’t want to hear from me again.

The funny thing about all of this was that if I had woken up with anyone else I probably wouldn’t have bothered trying to figure out what happened last night. Sometimes when I was with Riley I purposely drank rum to make sure I forgot. But this was Micah. I love him, and he gave me an amazing gift and I needed to make sure I remembered it.

And so, for the next few hours, I stayed holed up in my hotel room fighting with my memory to bring back everything that happened last night, periodically pausing to call Micah and getting nothing but his voicemail.

My battle with my limbic system (the only reason I remember that is because it was one of the systems that a pair had to research for biology and Micah promised me a blowjob if I paid attention to the other presentations) was cut short when Drew returned to my room with Rochelle and Braden to tell me that we were heading back home in another half an hour. The guys left after that, but Rochelle stayed to mother me so that I would get ready to go. She only laughed when she told me to get up and I mumbled that I was still naked under the blankets. She chattered about random things while I was getting dressed and packed up my stuff but I hushed her when I picked up the condom wrapper that was sitting on the nightstand. It was another piece of the puzzle. As bad as it is, it’s not all that often that I use protection when I sleep with someone. The fact that I did use a condom triggered more memories. I could remember the sound of Micah giggling in the pharmacy, asking if we were buying condoms and the clerk rolling his eyes at us. I remembered Micah and I dancing close together at the club, wrapped around each other. And holy shit, he gave me a fucking handjob in the middle of the dancefloor!

“Angel…” Rochelle asked, waving a hand in front of my face. I blinked. “Are you okay?”
“Uh, yeah…yeah,” I replied, distracted, and continued packing, tucking the empty condom wrapper in a pocket of my bag.

Once everything else was packed up, I sat down on the bed next to Chelle. We still had about fifteen minutes until we were leaving. She cleared her throat and I looked over at her.
“Okay, so I don’t know exactly what happened with you and Micah but I can tell you’re miserable and you need to sort your shit out. I’m guessing you slept together last night?” I nodded in reply before she continued. “And he freaked?” I nodded again. “Well, from what I could see before you left last night, you both seemed pretty keen to get back to the hotel. Did he decide he didn’t want to after you got here?”
“God, Chelle, I didn’t fucking rape him,” I snapped.
“I’m sorry, that came out really wrong. I know you wouldn’t do that. I meant, like, do you think he felt pressured into doing it?”
“No, he was the one who suggested it in the first place,” I blurted out without any knowledge that this information was in my head. “Oh, my God…”
“What?”
“He suggested it. I – fuck, I couldn’t remember before cause I had rum last night. But I remember… he said it first.”
“Well that’s a good thing, right? You didn’t do anything wrong,” Rochelle said.
“No, you don’t understand. I don’t think he knows it was him. He probably hates me cause he thinks I got him drunk so I could fuck him. I need to talk to him. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. We need to leave now. I need to talk to him,” I said, standing up and taking one last look around the room to make sure I didn’t forget anything, and then left, Rochelle following after me.

We found Braden and Drew waiting for us down in the hotel lobby. I quickly handed in the two room keys that I’d been given when we checked in and then we were heading home. I sat in the front passenger seat while Drew drove and Braden and Chelle sat in the back. Braden looked like a mess. He always goes hard at parties and takes a full day or more to recover. He dozed off on Rochelle’s shoulder pretty soon after we left.

The car trip consisted of a combination of filling Drew in on what I remembered from last night and calling Micah on mine and my friends’ phones in case he was just ignoring calls from my phone. I never got an answer, which stressed me out. More than anything, I wanted to know that he was okay, that, if he was home, he got there safe. I assumed he was home but since I had no way to know for sure, I was worried.

I asked Drew to take me to Micah’s house after he dropped off Braden and Chelle at her house. He looked a little reluctant but he took me anyway. When we pulled up out the front of Micah’s house, I sat in the car silently for a few minutes, trying to get my thoughts and feelings together. It was only when Drew poked my side and told me to “get the fuck in there” that I finally exited the car and walked up the driveway to the front door. I took a deep breath and knocked, part of me hoping that nobody was home. I turned back to the car and noticed that Drew had already pulled away from the curb to leave. Asshole. I turned my attention back to the door.

A moment later, the door opened and a middle-aged man stood in front of me. He had a kind face and wore glasses. Micah’s dad.
“Can I help you?” he asked, looking down at me. He was quite a bit taller than me.
“Um… I… Um, is Micah here?” I stammered.
“Are you Angel?”
My eyes widened. Micah told his family about me? I nodded, nervous.
Micah’s dad sighed and just looked at me for a couple of seconds.
“He’s very upset,” he said after a while. I panicked. Does he know? I guess my facial expression gave away my thoughts because the older man spoke again, “He told me what happened between the two of you last night.”

“Please… I really need to talk to him,” I begged. “This was all a huge mistake. I –”
“A mistake?”
“No! No. A misunderstanding. It wasn’t a mistake. I love him.”
Mr Gerard’s face softened and he stood aside so I could enter the house.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, unsure of what to do now.

“Angel, please. Take a seat for a moment,” Micah’s father said, gesturing to a dining room chair. I obeyed without a word. “Angel, I… look, I’m not happy about what went on last night, and my son is very hurt. If I allow you to see him, I want your word that you will try not to make this any worse. He told me some things about what happened and I have to say that you need to re-evaluate your life choices if this type of behaviour is a regular thing. My son does not need to be with someone who lies to him and…”

“No, no, sir, I never lied. Please, you have to believe me. I love him. I love him more than anything and I never lied to him. He thinks I don’t remember because I don’t care, right?” I allowed Mr Gerard to nod before continuing. “I do care. I promise I do. I get blackouts sometimes and I can’t remember what happens until later on. I couldn’t remember when I first woke up because I had a blackout last night and I was disorientated. I fu – uh, messed up. I drank too much of the wrong thing and I promise I will do whatever it takes to make up for it. But I remember now. I need to tell him I remember…” I finished off my speech with a quiet sob. Micah’s dad was silent. I had nothing else I could say so I stayed quiet as well.

“Angel?” a soft voice came from behind me. I turned in my seat and my eyes widened. In the doorway to the kitchen stood Micah. I leapt up from my chair but I didn’t go over to him because I wasn’t sure if he wanted that or not. “Do you… do you really remember? Everything?”
“Yes,” I said simply.
“You really love me?”
“More than anything.”

With my answer, Micah came towards me and wrapped his skinny arms around my waist while he buried his head into my shoulder. I hugged him back tightly and whispered in his ear, “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“I’m sorry too. I know it was me that suggested it. I shouldn’t have blamed you.”
“I love you.”
“I –”

A throat clearing brought Micah and I out of our sweet moment and we pulled away from our hug.
“I suggest you two take a walk and sort all this out. Micah, your mom is coming back from night church soon and you know what she’s like about your new friends,” Mr Gerard said, raising his eyebrows in my direction. Micah nodded and took my hand, pulling me towards the door. “Oh, and Micah?” Micah turned back to look at his dad. “Not too late out, okay? It’s a school night.”
“Okay, Dad, see you later,” my boyfriend replied.
“Bye, Mr Gerard,” I said, showing him a small smile. He returned it as he closed the door behind us.

It was getting dark outside but that didn’t stop Micah from pulling me down the driveway and heading towards what I assumed was the park close-by to his house. We didn’t talk as we walked; I think we were both just enjoying the silence. It was only about five minutes until we got to the park. It was a nice one with soft grass and lots of trees and a small playground that wouldn’t be enough to hold an older kid’s interest but it was fine for the younger ones.

Micah led us to a spot under a large tree, I think an oak, and sat down on the grass, pulling me down with him. Almost as soon as I hit the ground, one of his hands reached to cup my face and he kissed me deeply.

“I love you too,” he said as he pulled away. “I’m so sorry Angel. I overreacted majorly. But I know it was me that suggested it. Do you really remember everything now?”
“Yeah, I do. It sometimes takes a while,” I replied, and proceeded to tell him about my blackouts.
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” he said after I finished. “I didn’t even let you explain.”
“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” I said, stealing a small kiss. “It’s fine; just don’t let me drink rum anymore.”

He showed me a smile. It was quiet for a couple of seconds before he let out a short bark of a laugh.
“What is it?”
“It’s just… who would have thought I’d be such a slut when I drink?” he said giggling again.
“You’re not a slut baby. You just like sex… well; I mean… actually, did you like it? I know I did, but…”
“I did. I’m a bit sore but it’s a good sore,” he said, leaning in to kiss me. Of course, I kissed back. We stayed doing that for a few minutes. It never went further than just lips meeting but that was okay. I was just glad that we had been able to overcome our misunderstanding because I don’t think I could have forgiven myself if we weren’t able to.

“Is your dad really okay with us?” I asked after we had stopped kissing and were just holding each other.
“I think so. I mean, he’s not happy about the sex thing but he seems okay that I’m with you.”
“And your mom?”
“She doesn’t know. Georgia does, but…I can’t tell Mom. She won’t take it well. Dad said I should wait till I’m independent before I tell her anything.”
I nodded.
“We should go. It’s getting pretty late,” Micah said, getting to his feet and holding his hand out to help me up. I accepted his help and he pulled me up. I immediately wrapped him in a hug. I never wanted to let him go, but I knew I would have to.
I kissed him quickly when we pulled out of the hug before we headed back to his house. I called Drew on the way so he was waiting out front when we got there.

“Mom’s home,” Micah announced as his house came into view. He hugged me again, even though we were still two houses away.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” I asked.
“Yep,” he replied. I kissed him gently one more time before we pulled apart completely. We walked past the last couple of houses, and then I went to Drew’s car while he went up the driveway to his house. He waved to me once he got to the door, which I returned, and then he opened the door and disappeared inside.

I opened the door to Drew’s truck and pulled myself in, slamming the faulty door behind me.
“Well, how’d it go?” Drew asked me immediately.
“We’re good,” I said simply with a smile. Drew dropped the subject and left me to my thoughts as he drove me home.

I was absolutely exhausted by the time I got up to my bed but I felt on top of the world nonetheless. He loves me.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Micah loves me.