Corrupt Me

When I left Micah's room after his mother kicked me out on my birthday, his father followed me. I honestly thought he was going to be pissed to find me in his son’s bed, but he wasn't. He was silent as we walked to the front door, but spoke up just as I was about to open it and leave.

“Angel, I think it would be best for you to not try and contact Micah for a few days. His mother is very… stubborn and set in her ways and I think if you tried to talk to him, it could make matters worse for the two of you.” He said all of this very kindly, like it wasn't what he wanted to be saying at all, but had to. I nodded. There wasn't much else I could do. I didn't want to make things worse.

“I understand,” I said quietly. “Please will you tell her that I love him? This isn't wrong, Mr Gerard. Being with Micah is the most right thing in my life. He is all that I want.”
“I will tell her, but I don't know that it will make much difference. I'm sorry it had to happen this way,” he said sadly.
“Yeah. Me too,” I replied, opening the front door and stepping out. “Look after him. Please.”
“Of course,” Micah's father spoke as he closed the door behind me. I turned to look back at the solid wood door, wishing I could just go back in there and take Micah away with me. I didn't though. I started walking, shivering slightly as I realised I had left my jacket in his house.

I didn't go home. I couldn't stand to be alone. I went to Drew's instead. He looked happy and surprised to see me until he saw the look on my face.
“Dude, what..?”
“His mom found out,” I told him as my voice cracked. “She kicked me out and he…he was so scared. She looked at him like he was some sort of hideous creature; like he was worse than trash on the sidewalk.”
“Shit, man. I… Come in, let’s see what we can do,” Drew said, allowing me to pass him and walk into the house. He got me a drink and then we sat on his couch and talked. I told him what Micah's dad had said to me and Drew said that he thought that waiting for a few days for things to calm down was a good idea. I was opposed to it at first but eventually he talked me round to seeing it his way. He let me send Micah one text before making me promise not to contact him again until after Christmas. I knew deep down that he and Micah's dad were right.

I hoped that Micah would have written back to my text, but after two days of not hearing anything from him, I gave up that hope. Still, I spent a lot of time checking my phone, rereading the last message I sent to him. I love you. Don't forget that, okay? We can get through this. You mean everything to me, Micah. I'm going to fight for you.

I moped around for the next few days. I never really celebrated Christmas anyway, but I downright hated it now. I didn't leave my house, because I didn't want to see all the happy families around. My mom was nowhere to be found. I hadn't seen her since my birthday and I didn't give a fuck. She’d probably gone to my grandparent’s place for the holidays. I hadn’t seen them since I came out.
I barely ate. I barely slept. I just existed, and I hated it. Drew called me at least once a day but I wasn't very responsive. He just kept reminding me that things would be okay, that we'd get it all sorted out. Like I believed that. I just wanted to see my boyfriend. Why was that too much to fucking ask?

After spending five whole days worrying and wondering if Micah was okay, I got fed up and decided to do something about it. Five days should have been enough time for Micah’s mother to calm down right? His dad said not to contact him for a few days, and I respected that. Five days felt like four too many but I’d managed to stay away. I had had enough. I needed to speak to Micah before I went crazy. And so, on Boxing Day, I went around to Drew's and told him that I was going to contact Micah, whether it was over the phone or in person, I didn't care. I just wanted to know that he was okay.

Drew barely argued. He just sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He scrolled through his contact list, stopping on a number and hitting the call button. I was confused when he held the phone up to his own ear instead of giving it to me like I wanted.
“Drew, what’re you..?” I started to say before he shushed me and started talking to the person on the other end.
“Elise, hey, how’re you going? … That’s good, hey listen, are you able to let your brother use your phone? Angel really wants to talk to him.” He was silent for a few seconds while Elise talked. “Okay, thanks. I’ll put him on the line.”

Drew gestured to me with the phone, inviting me to take it. I held it to my ear with bated breath. There was a bit of rustling on the other end.
“Mics?” I heard Elise through the phone. There was silence before she tried again. “Micah, there’s someone on the phone for you.”
“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” he said, his voice dull.
“I think you’ll want to talk to him,” she said. There was a bit more rustling before I heard light breathing on the other end of the line.
“Micah? Baby, are you there?”
“A-Angel?” Oh God, he sounded so broken.
“Yeah, baby, it’s me. Are you okay?”
“N-no. I’m not,” he said, and my heart sank. “She hates me, Angel. I hate me. I ruined everything. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
There was no way this was his fault. His mother was the one to blame here. I wasn’t going to let him hate himself like he was. I couldn’t stand that.
“Hey, hey, hey, Mics, this isn’t your fault, okay? This is not your fault. Do you understand me? Don’t blame yourself. We’ll work this out, I promise.”
“I just m-miss you so much,” he said, clearly crying. It broke my heart. I wanted to just hang up the phone and march over to his place so I could hug him and tell him that everything will be okay, even if I didn’t know that it would be.
I tried to comfort him as well as I could. “I miss you too, you have no idea. But we’ll get through this, we’ll…”
“What do you think you’re doing?!” I was cut off by a woman’s voice shouting on Micah’s end and then a small scuffling noise.

I was about to ask what was going on when the call ended. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it for a second before looking up at Drew. He looked confused.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I… I think his mom caught him,” I said quietly. “Fuck, I need to go over there. I need to explain to her. She needs to know…” I trailed off as I headed over to Drew’s front door with every intention of leaving.
“Angel, wait,” Drew said, grabbing my arm. “You need to give it some more time. If she’s pissed he was on the phone with you, it’s going to be worse if you go over there. Give it a couple of days.”
I sighed. “Fine. Two days. Then I’m going over there.”
“Okay.” I knew that Drew was getting tired of arguing with me, but he knew how important this was to me.

---

Waiting for those two days to pass was torture, but eventually they did and I found myself walking to Micah’s house a nervous wreck. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I knew that I wasn’t going to hold back. My relationship was at stake and I wasn’t going to let Micah’s mother ruin it.

I hesitated at the end of the driveway, wondering for a second if I was actually doing the right thing. It was only a second. Remembering the look on Micah’s face as I left and the sound of his voice on the phone, I knew that doing this was definitely the right thing to do. I marched up the drive and knocked hard on the front door.

It felt like the longest few moments of my life as I stood there waiting for the door to open. I heard the clunk, clunk of high heeled shoes on the floorboards and knew that it was either Micah’s mother or one of his sisters coming to answer the door. To be perfectly honest, I hoped it was the latter, but luck never seems to go my way.

When the door finally opened, Micah’s mother appeared in the gap. As I opened my mouth to speak, she recognised me and went to shut the door in my face. I flung my hand out and pushed it back. Being stronger than her, she wasn’t able to fully close the door, so instead she opened it fully and looked daggers at me, waiting for me to talk.

“Mrs Gerard, I… I really need to see Micah. Please. He means the absolute world to me. And I know you think our relationship is wrong but the love I have for him… It’s so pure and strong that it can’t be wrong. He gave me the greatest gift by letting me be in his life and I can’t give that up without a fight. Please, please let me talk to him,” I said, practically begging her by that point.
“You can’t. He’s gone,” she said, a small smile creeping on her face.
“G-gone?” I panicked. No. He can’t be gone.
Micah’s mother nodded, her smile getting larger. “He realised that what he was doing with you was wrong. He’s disgusted in himself for letting you go near him like he did. My son has had an epiphany and he’s gone away to regain his faith. He no longer wants anything to do with you or your kind.”
“No. You’re lying. You’re lying! He’s not gone. Micah!” I shouted suddenly into the house. “Micah! Baby, please. Tell me she’s lying. Micah! Please…”

He didn’t come to the door. He didn’t answer me.

“He’s been in the car with his father since this morning. I’m packing up his belongings and sending them along once he’s there. You’re not going to see my son again, I can promise you that. Not until he’s fully cured. And then he won’t even want to see you. Goodbye.”

I didn’t even fight this time when Micah’s mother slammed the door in my face. I just stared at it, trying to process everything that she told me.

Gone. He was really gone.
He didn’t even tell me he was going. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

I let out a dry sob as I quickly walked down the driveway and headed to Drew’s. Arriving in record time, I knocked on his door and waited impatiently for him to answer. When he answered, his face dropped.

“Angel…” was all he got out before I flung myself on him in a bone-crushing hug. He hugged me back as I let the tears I'd been holding in since I left Micah's house flow. I felt like I had lost everything. What started out as the perfect day, the best birthday I'd had in a long time, turned into a nightmare in only a few minutes and the nightmare just kept going on and on. I felt like I would never recover. I felt like I would miss Micah forever.

I stayed at Drew’s for a couple of hours before I decided that I needed to be alone. He reluctantly let me go, but told me that he would check up on me later and to make sure I left a door unlocked at home so he could get in if he needed to. I left, barely able to think coherently to agree to his conditions or realise why he was laying them down in the first place.

I didn’t go home straight away. I went to a liquor store. I needed to stop feeling for a while.

After browsing for a few minutes, I finally decided ‘fuck it’ and bought a bottle of Bacardi using my fake id. If there was ever a time I needed to forget everything, this was it. I cracked it open outside of the store and took a long swig. The burning feeling in my throat made me smile a little.

I kept drinking as I walked home, and by the time I arrived, I had already consumed half the bottle. I was drunk, but it wasn’t enough.

All of the events that had happened over the last few days were still swirling around in my head and I needed them to stop. I decided that the Bacardi wasn’t enough, and grabbed a bottle of vodka out of the alcohol cupboard. It was opened, but there wasn’t too much gone from it. I only made it as far as the lounge room before I let my legs fold and I collapsed on the carpeted floor. I dragged myself over to a couch so that I could lean on it while I drowned my sorrows.

I cried for Micah. I needed him to tell me he loved me; that he didn’t want to leave me. I longed for him to call me, to tell me that what his mother said wasn’t true.

But why wouldn’t it be true? I always knew he was better than me. He was always too good for me. Maybe I did ruin him. Maybe he really was better off without me.

I nearly drank myself to death that night.