Status: Ongoing
Ain't Love Grand?
Insanity
Alex inhaled deeply. It had been almost a week since his last drink, and he was starting to get anxious. He had decided to just stop drinking all together. He was trying to prove a point to me, that he could quit anytime he wanted. He had quit cold turkey, and I knew it was a bad idea, but he wouldn't listen to reason. I'd told him time and time again that he could come down gradually, but all I'd ever get in response was him snapping at me, telling me that he wasn't some drug addict; he wasn't addicted to Heroin or cocaine or any other illegal drug, and just stopping abruptly wasn't a problem. I knew different. I could SEE different, but there was no getting through to him. He was struggling, and sometimes I felt so bad for him that I was tempted to just hand over a vodka bottle to ease his pain. He'd started to get the shakes after just a couple of days, and that's when I knew that his problem was more serious than even I'd originally thought.
He curled up on the couch, his knees to his chest, and he gripped onto the arm of the couch, starting to have another episode of the shakes. "L-Leese.." his voice was so weak and tired. "C-can y-you get me a b-blanket... p-please.."
Looking at him, I felt like bursting into tears but I just nodded my head slowly, chewing on my bottom lip. Silently, I left the room and went upstairs to the bedroom, grabbing a spare blanket and taking it back downstairs to him. I sat beside him, leaning over to cover him with the blanket and swallowing hard. "A-Alex..." I said his name softly. "I think... we need to get you help. Proper help... More than this."
He shook his head, burying himself under the blanket, closing his eyes tightly. "N-no. I'm f-fine. Really." He didn't look fine. He looked pale, and his face was contorted with pain.
I sighed, rubbing his shoulder gently. "I hate seeing you like this, baby," I told him. He was far from being fine and I'm sure he knew it as well as I did. "You can't just... stop like this." It was crippling him. He hadn't left the house in days.
He shifted a bit, cuddling into my side. Taking a deep shaky breath, that seemed to pain him, he said quietly. "I'm f-fine, Leese.. I can get through this on my own. I'm not a weak man." The last part sounded a bit bitter, and he ducked his head, trembling even harder.
"Nobody's saying you're weak, Alex," I said, running my fingers through his hair. "I know you're strong. The fact that you're putting yourself through this shows that you're strong... but it's hurting you, baby."
"I w-wanna do this on my o-own." He winced as if it hurt him to talk, and he gulped hard, hunching his shoulders. "O-once I g-get past the shakes and the other s-shit.. I'll be f-fine, I'll b-be o-okay.."
Sighing, I leaned over to place a soft kiss on his cheek, stroking his hair back as if he was a sick child staying home from school. "I'm so proud of you, babe, but this... this is insane, Alex. I can't stand to see you like this." I felt so guilty. It was my words that had driven him to this point.
He gulped thickly, and shook his head, licking at his dry lips. He had a dry mouth, despite drinking water all day. He tried to stand up, which only resulted in him letting out a low whine of pain, thunking back down next to me, and I cringed. This was killing him, and he was too stubborn to see it. I wanted so badly to stop his pain, just to give him a little drink, but I knew that wasn't the way. He'd come so far already. I didn't want to be the cause of a relapse, but it was killing ME to see him like this. This wasn't my Alex. I didn't know what to do, so I sat, looking at him and whispered quietly, "I love you..."
He looked over at me, eyes half closed, and he managed the smallest of smiles. "I love you, too.. A lot."
I couldn't help myself. He looked so broken and fragile. I wiggled down to lay beside him, wrapping him in my arms. "It'll get better, Alex," I whispered soothingly, kissing his dry lips softly. "I promise."
He kissed back softly, before burying his face into my neck, the shakes slowing down only a bit. He wrapped his arms around my middle, body tensing every now and then, as he slowly drifted off to sleep. I held him tightly and protectively, wanting to take his pain away. I wanted the insanity to send. He didn't deserve this. He'd made a small mistake, and he was paying for it dearly... and so was I.
He curled up on the couch, his knees to his chest, and he gripped onto the arm of the couch, starting to have another episode of the shakes. "L-Leese.." his voice was so weak and tired. "C-can y-you get me a b-blanket... p-please.."
Looking at him, I felt like bursting into tears but I just nodded my head slowly, chewing on my bottom lip. Silently, I left the room and went upstairs to the bedroom, grabbing a spare blanket and taking it back downstairs to him. I sat beside him, leaning over to cover him with the blanket and swallowing hard. "A-Alex..." I said his name softly. "I think... we need to get you help. Proper help... More than this."
He shook his head, burying himself under the blanket, closing his eyes tightly. "N-no. I'm f-fine. Really." He didn't look fine. He looked pale, and his face was contorted with pain.
I sighed, rubbing his shoulder gently. "I hate seeing you like this, baby," I told him. He was far from being fine and I'm sure he knew it as well as I did. "You can't just... stop like this." It was crippling him. He hadn't left the house in days.
He shifted a bit, cuddling into my side. Taking a deep shaky breath, that seemed to pain him, he said quietly. "I'm f-fine, Leese.. I can get through this on my own. I'm not a weak man." The last part sounded a bit bitter, and he ducked his head, trembling even harder.
"Nobody's saying you're weak, Alex," I said, running my fingers through his hair. "I know you're strong. The fact that you're putting yourself through this shows that you're strong... but it's hurting you, baby."
"I w-wanna do this on my o-own." He winced as if it hurt him to talk, and he gulped hard, hunching his shoulders. "O-once I g-get past the shakes and the other s-shit.. I'll be f-fine, I'll b-be o-okay.."
Sighing, I leaned over to place a soft kiss on his cheek, stroking his hair back as if he was a sick child staying home from school. "I'm so proud of you, babe, but this... this is insane, Alex. I can't stand to see you like this." I felt so guilty. It was my words that had driven him to this point.
He gulped thickly, and shook his head, licking at his dry lips. He had a dry mouth, despite drinking water all day. He tried to stand up, which only resulted in him letting out a low whine of pain, thunking back down next to me, and I cringed. This was killing him, and he was too stubborn to see it. I wanted so badly to stop his pain, just to give him a little drink, but I knew that wasn't the way. He'd come so far already. I didn't want to be the cause of a relapse, but it was killing ME to see him like this. This wasn't my Alex. I didn't know what to do, so I sat, looking at him and whispered quietly, "I love you..."
He looked over at me, eyes half closed, and he managed the smallest of smiles. "I love you, too.. A lot."
I couldn't help myself. He looked so broken and fragile. I wiggled down to lay beside him, wrapping him in my arms. "It'll get better, Alex," I whispered soothingly, kissing his dry lips softly. "I promise."
He kissed back softly, before burying his face into my neck, the shakes slowing down only a bit. He wrapped his arms around my middle, body tensing every now and then, as he slowly drifted off to sleep. I held him tightly and protectively, wanting to take his pain away. I wanted the insanity to send. He didn't deserve this. He'd made a small mistake, and he was paying for it dearly... and so was I.