Status: Ongoing
Ain't Love Grand?
Kiss Me
The fact that we were having a baby together seemed to get through to Alex more than anything else, and he started to try harder again, without making any excuses. I asked him again to go to rehab... it would only be a couple of weeks, and it would help him, but he refused right away. He still saw rehab as a very last resort. I think in his mind getting professional help for something he'd caused himself made him less of a man. And so it began again...
The shakes, the aches, the tears... they all came back, tenfold, and it felt like we hadn't gotten anywhere. We were right back to square one, only this time, he wasn't coping so well. He'd gone from drinking heavily daily again to just one or two drinks... and then he just stopped.
Curled up on the couch was his favorite place to be once again and I felt like a nurse looking after a sick patient. It was starting to become too much. I'd given up my own job, well before maternity leave was due, and just stayed home with him. He was supposed to be going out on tour in a couple of weeks... at least that would bring some money in.
"Just... give up, Alex," I sighed, running a hand over my forehead. I'd never imagining myself saying those words to him, but for the moment, it seemed like the right option. If he was going to get up on stage every night, he couldn't be at his weakest.
He blinked, wrapped up in blankets, and he lifted his head to look at me, speaking quietly. "Gi-give up?" His voice was shaky and weak, and I hated it. He shifted a little, starting to tremble again. "You w-want me t-to g-give up?"
I nodded slowly, perching on the edge of the couch and setting my hand on his leg. "Just for now, baby," I told him softly, as if I was speaking to a child. "It's not the right time to be sick."
"Y-you want me to g-go back t-to d-drinking?" he asked, licking his lips, staring at me with wide eyes. Shaking his head, he curled up tighter against the couch, as if he couldn't believe what I had said. "N-no.. n-no, Leese.. The b-baby... you m-made me p-promise... You ga-gave me hell for it.. N-no.."
"Alex..." I sighed, my heart breaking for him. It was all so horrible. "I'm not saying I want you to live your life as an alcoholic but... You need to get together with the band and rehearse. We need the money from this tour, Al."
He hung his head, chewing his lip, and stared at the blankets he was curled up in. He seemed to be thinking about what I had said, and I reached over, petting his hair gently. Closing his eyes, he opened his mouth to talk, but then shut it again.
Inhaling deeply, he let the breath out slowly and shakily. "K-kay.."
I shuffled closer to him, laying down and half-hanging off the couch. I offered him a small smile, wrapping an arm over him. "I'm so proud of you, babe," I said in a voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you, for trying." I kissed his forehead and closed my eyes. "We'll get there... Just... not yet. For now, we need normalcy. Don't over-do it, but just... be yourself."
"I w-won't over d-do it.." he said quietly, wrapping his arms around my middle tightly. He shuffled a bit closer, and buried his face into my neck. I could feel he was trying to make himself relax. Gulping thickly, he pulled away a little, and kept his gaze down on his lap. "G-get me a d-drink?"
I nodded, running my fingers through his hair before getting up. I swallowed hard as I walked to the kitchen, but I knew it was the best thing to do. There was still time for him to get better before the baby came, and I couldn't let him risk ruining his career.
I pulled a bottle of beer out of the refrigerator and uncapped it, carrying it back into the living room for him and sitting back down, holding it away from him for a second as he tried to take it. I smiled, tilting my head. "Kiss me first."
He smiled softly, leaning forward, and wrapped an arm around my middle, gently tugging me closer to him. "I love y-you.." he whispered, before brushing his lips over mine softly, his free hand resting on my cheek gently. The kiss lasted just a few seconds, but it felt like ages. I always managed to lose myself in him. He pulled back slowly, gazing at me.
"T-thank you.." he said quietly. "F-for never g-giving up on me.."
I smiled, resting my forehead against his and slowly letting the bottle pass between us. "I could never give up on you, Alex," I whispered to him. "Ever. I love you so much... We'll get there. I promise."
The shakes, the aches, the tears... they all came back, tenfold, and it felt like we hadn't gotten anywhere. We were right back to square one, only this time, he wasn't coping so well. He'd gone from drinking heavily daily again to just one or two drinks... and then he just stopped.
Curled up on the couch was his favorite place to be once again and I felt like a nurse looking after a sick patient. It was starting to become too much. I'd given up my own job, well before maternity leave was due, and just stayed home with him. He was supposed to be going out on tour in a couple of weeks... at least that would bring some money in.
"Just... give up, Alex," I sighed, running a hand over my forehead. I'd never imagining myself saying those words to him, but for the moment, it seemed like the right option. If he was going to get up on stage every night, he couldn't be at his weakest.
He blinked, wrapped up in blankets, and he lifted his head to look at me, speaking quietly. "Gi-give up?" His voice was shaky and weak, and I hated it. He shifted a little, starting to tremble again. "You w-want me t-to g-give up?"
I nodded slowly, perching on the edge of the couch and setting my hand on his leg. "Just for now, baby," I told him softly, as if I was speaking to a child. "It's not the right time to be sick."
"Y-you want me to g-go back t-to d-drinking?" he asked, licking his lips, staring at me with wide eyes. Shaking his head, he curled up tighter against the couch, as if he couldn't believe what I had said. "N-no.. n-no, Leese.. The b-baby... you m-made me p-promise... You ga-gave me hell for it.. N-no.."
"Alex..." I sighed, my heart breaking for him. It was all so horrible. "I'm not saying I want you to live your life as an alcoholic but... You need to get together with the band and rehearse. We need the money from this tour, Al."
He hung his head, chewing his lip, and stared at the blankets he was curled up in. He seemed to be thinking about what I had said, and I reached over, petting his hair gently. Closing his eyes, he opened his mouth to talk, but then shut it again.
Inhaling deeply, he let the breath out slowly and shakily. "K-kay.."
I shuffled closer to him, laying down and half-hanging off the couch. I offered him a small smile, wrapping an arm over him. "I'm so proud of you, babe," I said in a voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you, for trying." I kissed his forehead and closed my eyes. "We'll get there... Just... not yet. For now, we need normalcy. Don't over-do it, but just... be yourself."
"I w-won't over d-do it.." he said quietly, wrapping his arms around my middle tightly. He shuffled a bit closer, and buried his face into my neck. I could feel he was trying to make himself relax. Gulping thickly, he pulled away a little, and kept his gaze down on his lap. "G-get me a d-drink?"
I nodded, running my fingers through his hair before getting up. I swallowed hard as I walked to the kitchen, but I knew it was the best thing to do. There was still time for him to get better before the baby came, and I couldn't let him risk ruining his career.
I pulled a bottle of beer out of the refrigerator and uncapped it, carrying it back into the living room for him and sitting back down, holding it away from him for a second as he tried to take it. I smiled, tilting my head. "Kiss me first."
He smiled softly, leaning forward, and wrapped an arm around my middle, gently tugging me closer to him. "I love y-you.." he whispered, before brushing his lips over mine softly, his free hand resting on my cheek gently. The kiss lasted just a few seconds, but it felt like ages. I always managed to lose myself in him. He pulled back slowly, gazing at me.
"T-thank you.." he said quietly. "F-for never g-giving up on me.."
I smiled, resting my forehead against his and slowly letting the bottle pass between us. "I could never give up on you, Alex," I whispered to him. "Ever. I love you so much... We'll get there. I promise."