I Know.

Georgie and Kelly find some bar that they want to check out on our way to the tour van, so we all stop. Not too much later, William is going in after them because he needs to find the bathroom.

"I should probably return the rental car. You can come with me if you'd like, and then you can ride with us in our tour van." Pat says. He's smiling, trying to make me forget everything that just went down. I nod and tell him that I'll go along, then he runs off to tell the rest of the band.

When he comes back, he informs me that the band will meet us at the car rental place. I don't really have time to reply before he's leaving to find the car. I quickly follow behind and climb into the passenger seat. His door shuts, and before he starts the car he turns and looks at me. "Don't think I don't want to talk about it."

I groan, "Can we please just skip the conversation and just say we had it?"

"No. What's the whole deal? William is my best friend, Cy. I'm not just going to ignore this."

"This was just one huge mistake." I grunt. "Casey told me that I am lonely and I needed to find someone to date. He said that if it didn't work out, than he wouldn't hassle me about it any more. When I met Devin, I only wanted to be a friend at first. We became close friends pretty quickly, and we had so much in common. It felt natural, so I decided to let my barriers down and go on a date with him. Then, we went on a few more. It wasn't like I was sleeping with him and I came here to cheat on my boyfriend. I came here to spend time with my friends. Devin is just some obsessive guy who assumed we were together because of three or four dates and thought I am sleeping with the band."

"You're just going to give up on dating now because of some guy? Look, I know that you really don't want to hear this, but I think the whole band has our hearts set on William and you eventually going out."

I lean back and look out the window. "Why?"

"William was never really someone who held onto any one for long. He would date around and drop them because he lost interest. He likes attention, and it is hard for him to share it with someone else. Since you came along, you're the only one he really hopes to have one day. You're the one person who he can't have because for some reason you just don't want to try." Pat sighs, "He really cares about you. I don't know how I can make that any clearer. And I know you two will be good together. Cy, there is something about you that he craves."

I let everything sink in.

"Anyone can tell photography is your passion because there are so many emotions that are in each individual photo. Did you know that when the magazine came out, the one where you took the pictures of our band, William bought several copies himself and sent them out to various friends and family? He was so excited. He saw the photos, and he was so amazed. He didn't know what to do or say. He just had to show everyone. He caught a glimpse of that passion you put into your work, Cy, and it drove him crazy."

"It's my job," I mumble.

Pat agrees, "Yes it is your job, but the fact that he was the subject matter only adds to how he reacts. You combined your passion for photography and William, and it was brilliant. He just wants a chance to make you happy. Honestly, I think you two will be perfect for each other. He needs someone who doesn't want the spotlight. He needs someone who will help raise him up; someone that will do things to help remind him of how he is special or important. You need someone who will joke with you; someone that will make you laugh and smile. You need someone that will support you. And if any one is supportive, it is William. He already knows how passionate you are about photography. He will definitely be able to support your career."

"But he isn't always going to be there." I finally say.

"What do you mean?"

I sigh. "I want someone that I will be able to see all the time. I want someone that I will be able to spend time with when go home. He and I... we are people that aren't constant. We are always going away because of our career choice. He won't always be there for me. I'll be home alone more than anything. I won't be able to handle tours like this one. The band will be going from state to state, and I'll always have to be somewhere else. When would I see him? Would I have to wait for pictures in magazines? If so, I don't even want to chance it. I don't want to have to love and worry about someone I never see. How would I be happy if even after finding someone I care for so much that I'm constantly reminded that I'm still alone?"

"Think about it this way: You could go and work. You take photos of whomever, and then you come on tour with us. We have wi-fi. You can edit the photos and email them to your boss, on the tour bus. You would still see and spend time with all of us. You know you're always welcome to join the band on tour. You just need to give him a chance, Cy."

I can't say anything else. My throat swells up, and my stomach is filling up with those unnecessary butterflies that are filling me with hope; hope that there will be a way that William and I can be together. Instead, I just let the words repeat in my head.

Pat sits in the silence for a moment or two before finally starting the car and driving away from the venue. I stare out the window the whole car ride to the car rental.

"We should probably get out, so I can return the keys and pay." I nod in agreement with what Pat says and push open the door. I get out, shut the passenger door, and I follow Pat into the place. I allow Pat to move to the counter, as I sit down on the annoyingly hard, plastic chairs.

Not too long after Pat pays, the others show up. I try to smile and pretend I'm not totally lost in thought, but it becomes obvious that I am. On the tour bus, Georgie smiles at me. "We would have gotten to the rental sooner, but I thought the best way to end the day would be to get plastered."

A stiff laugh leaves my mouth, as I nod. "That makes sense."

Georgie passes the bottles around. "Everyone drink up, and let's have fun."

I pop the lid off my bottle before anyone else because the bottle opener on my set of keys is pretty handy. I bring the bottle to my lips and tip it over, allowing the liquid to fill my mouth.

Kelly laughs, "Who knew the innocent photographer could be so thrilled to have a taste of Absolut vodka?"

Of course, this gathers attention fast, and I pull the bottle away from my lips without spilling a drop. "I'm twenty-one. I can enjoy a drink or two without being penalized. How old are the four of you?"

They ignore my question, obviously not wanting to reply.

I don't really remember much after I finish the bottle and start another... Except I'm sure that somewhere along the line, I finish my second and start slurping up some of Pat's and William's vodka. I can't really explain what forces drive me to pull out my camera and take unfocused pictures of the others. In fact, I leave it somewhere in the bag on the ground, as the others decide it would be hilarious to loosen up and try body shots or something ridiculous. I peel off my shirt and pants, much like the others. We all stand around in our underwear, laughing at what we're going to do with each other. I don't know whether someone told me to get down or if I chose to on my own, but I stumble down onto my knees and hold the hips of whomever is standing in front of me. I quickly lick the shot from his body and wish there was some lime and salt to go with it. Several more shots, and soon I'm the one standing and someone pours the cold liquor down my chest for someone to consume. I moan at the way their tongue moves against my skin.

I collapse on the small futon, trashed.

Someone pulls me up, and I think they're mumbling about going to bed. Unsteadily, I get into the bunk with them. My eyes shut, and I'm out like a light.