I Was Just Looking For A Way Out...
Chapter 18
“I know right!? It was so weird.” Emily says brushing sandy blonde hair our of her face.
“Yea, but at least you didn’t get hurt or anything, this one time I was at the lake with a few friends.” I say, “and I get out of the water and my legs are like, covered, in leeches. When I look down and see them I freak the fuck out and fall down. I ended up busting my leg open and I had to have a friend take me to the ER.” I’m talking with my hands like a freaking idiot and even though the story isn’t the least bit funny were both laughing and both faking by my guess, like two sex partners both faking an orgasm to try and spare the other’s feelings.
Then her girlfriend signals her from the door way and I’m alone in the library again. I can’t tell if I’m happy or sad about it, whether it’s worth faking a state of semi-happiness to stave off the feeling complete isolation or not.
I had just finished that last book when I started talking to Emily… and I really don’t want to brose the limited selection here for another book. I’d try and find Jeremiah if it wouldn’t look quite so pathetic.
There she is… sitting across the room from me… and reading one of my favorite books too. This is either a sign from a nonexistent god, a coincidence to great to give up, or a trap set by the same god to laugh at me fall on my face. No matter which of the ways it is, it is to great to give up.
I walk over and make my best attempts at awkward conversation, a feat that would be close to impossible without the book.
“Hey, is that Lullaby?” I ask, pointing to the somewhat new yet surprisingly work book complete with dead canary on the cover.
“Oh, uh, yeah it is.” She says looking up from what must have been a deep concentration. Of course my asking seems completely retarded with the large bold title lettering written across the front, but I don’t know any other way to start a conversation.
“Yea, he’s my favorite author.” I say, awkwardly sitting down in the chair next to her. “I’m Will by the way.”
“I’m Ashley.” She bites her lip after she says it in an almost whisper. I’ not sure what to say, so after a brief moment of silence I decide to stick to what I actually know: the book.
“So do you like the book?” I ask, feeing more then a little unwanted as I try to drag on the conversation.
I’m staring at her without realizing it. There’s just something about her that’s unordinarily pretty, or just pretty unordinary; I don’t know which but either way I find it oh so incredibly attractive. Like the way that the tops of her ears just barely poke through her hair, the way her hair lays, or the way that her nose is skinny all the way down to the small ball on the end. I don’t know, maybe it’s the way she’s sitting with her knees pushed towards her chest and the book resting on them. Something about her just makes me kind of want to run away like a nervous school boy, like she’s so incredibly unapproachable despite the fact that she looks nervous sitting there… maybe because she looks so nervous sitting there.
“Yea, this is my 5th time through actually.” She’s running her index finger over the wearing corner of the book.
“Really?” I ask, “I’ve read it twice, it’s one of my favorites. I love all the different characters he has juxtaposed together, like the necrophiliac, or that hippy chick.” I say, delving into more detail hoping for a little feedback, with a use of the word juxtaposed that would make my English teacher proud.
“Yea, it’s a really great book.” She says and bites her lip again. It’s cute, but at the same time a pretty big sign she wants me to leave.
“Okay, well it was nice talking to you, but I’m gonna go take a shower or something.” I say staring at those starry eyes that have to be just begging for me to leave.
When I walk into my room Jeremiah is face down into his pillow, not sleeping but just laying there. Every pathetic, antisocial muscle in my body pushes me to ignore him, so I walk straight into the bathroom for the shower I said I would take.
“Yea, but at least you didn’t get hurt or anything, this one time I was at the lake with a few friends.” I say, “and I get out of the water and my legs are like, covered, in leeches. When I look down and see them I freak the fuck out and fall down. I ended up busting my leg open and I had to have a friend take me to the ER.” I’m talking with my hands like a freaking idiot and even though the story isn’t the least bit funny were both laughing and both faking by my guess, like two sex partners both faking an orgasm to try and spare the other’s feelings.
Then her girlfriend signals her from the door way and I’m alone in the library again. I can’t tell if I’m happy or sad about it, whether it’s worth faking a state of semi-happiness to stave off the feeling complete isolation or not.
I had just finished that last book when I started talking to Emily… and I really don’t want to brose the limited selection here for another book. I’d try and find Jeremiah if it wouldn’t look quite so pathetic.
There she is… sitting across the room from me… and reading one of my favorite books too. This is either a sign from a nonexistent god, a coincidence to great to give up, or a trap set by the same god to laugh at me fall on my face. No matter which of the ways it is, it is to great to give up.
I walk over and make my best attempts at awkward conversation, a feat that would be close to impossible without the book.
“Hey, is that Lullaby?” I ask, pointing to the somewhat new yet surprisingly work book complete with dead canary on the cover.
“Oh, uh, yeah it is.” She says looking up from what must have been a deep concentration. Of course my asking seems completely retarded with the large bold title lettering written across the front, but I don’t know any other way to start a conversation.
“Yea, he’s my favorite author.” I say, awkwardly sitting down in the chair next to her. “I’m Will by the way.”
“I’m Ashley.” She bites her lip after she says it in an almost whisper. I’ not sure what to say, so after a brief moment of silence I decide to stick to what I actually know: the book.
“So do you like the book?” I ask, feeing more then a little unwanted as I try to drag on the conversation.
I’m staring at her without realizing it. There’s just something about her that’s unordinarily pretty, or just pretty unordinary; I don’t know which but either way I find it oh so incredibly attractive. Like the way that the tops of her ears just barely poke through her hair, the way her hair lays, or the way that her nose is skinny all the way down to the small ball on the end. I don’t know, maybe it’s the way she’s sitting with her knees pushed towards her chest and the book resting on them. Something about her just makes me kind of want to run away like a nervous school boy, like she’s so incredibly unapproachable despite the fact that she looks nervous sitting there… maybe because she looks so nervous sitting there.
“Yea, this is my 5th time through actually.” She’s running her index finger over the wearing corner of the book.
“Really?” I ask, “I’ve read it twice, it’s one of my favorites. I love all the different characters he has juxtaposed together, like the necrophiliac, or that hippy chick.” I say, delving into more detail hoping for a little feedback, with a use of the word juxtaposed that would make my English teacher proud.
“Yea, it’s a really great book.” She says and bites her lip again. It’s cute, but at the same time a pretty big sign she wants me to leave.
“Okay, well it was nice talking to you, but I’m gonna go take a shower or something.” I say staring at those starry eyes that have to be just begging for me to leave.
When I walk into my room Jeremiah is face down into his pillow, not sleeping but just laying there. Every pathetic, antisocial muscle in my body pushes me to ignore him, so I walk straight into the bathroom for the shower I said I would take.