I Was Just Looking For A Way Out...
Chapter 24
It’s the way the days are starting to blend together that scares me the most; the way that everything just sort of mixes into the same dull blue backdrop that’s actually concerning.
I mean, I remember coming. I remember a little bit of therapy, a little bit of that girl, Ashley the artist, and then that day I blew up on Tara and Mike.
I’m fucked when I get out of here by the way, I told my two best friends they were assholes and screamed at them for being happy. On top of that I haven’t done any homework since 2 weeks before I planned to kill myself, it just didn’t seem that important.
She’s sitting in the corner by herself. I only know her as Ashley the artist now, probably because it’s all I really know about her despite the fact that I’m so… obsessed doesn’t really sound right, but I guess nothing really does. She’s playing a game on her phone by the way, either that or just randomly tilting it for no reason.
I don’t know what creepy spirit possesses me, but I walk over and sit next to her. I put in two ear buds and hit play, just to make myself feel better about the act of actually getting up to be closer to her. I’m to afraid of… whatever, to even look at her. Be it fear of embarrassment, or rejection, or whatever else I don’t know, but it compels me to look either straight forward or down, defiantly not to the left.
So I stare at my shoes, I stare out the window; I stare at my finger as it turns the volume up.
The tap tap tap, a finger on my shoulder, it would normally annoy me, but honestly I couldn’t have wished for anything more then that tapping finger. I turn and free one ear up, to look at the pretty girl.
“Is that Circa Survive?” She asks of the music I quickly realize is way to loud. The singer’s voice is unique, but she’s still got to have quite an ear for music to distinguish it.
“Yea, I love them.” I say, “defiantly one of my favorites.” I know I look weird when I smile, so I don’t try it.
“Yea, they’re one of mine too.” She says. And I don’t know how to respond, for every weird way I’ve imagined talking to her, I never actually thought about anything to say.
“Well…. Uhh, wanna trade?” I ask awkwardly and hold up my iPod. “You know, like to compare bands.”
“Sure.” She says and exits her game. Then we hand off and I start to look through her band list. Despite a few slight discrepancies it’s almost an exact copy of mine, like creepily so, like she might think I got music to match her and then arranged the trade off to try and impress her or something. Call it stoner paranoia, but I think like this a lot.
She looks a little shocked by the similarities as well.
“Will!” Jeremiah yells and runs in, “Quick! Come!”
I look at Ashley for a second and I give her back her iPod.
“Uhhhh, sorry.” I say and get up to follow my roommate into the hallway.
I mean, I remember coming. I remember a little bit of therapy, a little bit of that girl, Ashley the artist, and then that day I blew up on Tara and Mike.
I’m fucked when I get out of here by the way, I told my two best friends they were assholes and screamed at them for being happy. On top of that I haven’t done any homework since 2 weeks before I planned to kill myself, it just didn’t seem that important.
She’s sitting in the corner by herself. I only know her as Ashley the artist now, probably because it’s all I really know about her despite the fact that I’m so… obsessed doesn’t really sound right, but I guess nothing really does. She’s playing a game on her phone by the way, either that or just randomly tilting it for no reason.
I don’t know what creepy spirit possesses me, but I walk over and sit next to her. I put in two ear buds and hit play, just to make myself feel better about the act of actually getting up to be closer to her. I’m to afraid of… whatever, to even look at her. Be it fear of embarrassment, or rejection, or whatever else I don’t know, but it compels me to look either straight forward or down, defiantly not to the left.
So I stare at my shoes, I stare out the window; I stare at my finger as it turns the volume up.
The tap tap tap, a finger on my shoulder, it would normally annoy me, but honestly I couldn’t have wished for anything more then that tapping finger. I turn and free one ear up, to look at the pretty girl.
“Is that Circa Survive?” She asks of the music I quickly realize is way to loud. The singer’s voice is unique, but she’s still got to have quite an ear for music to distinguish it.
“Yea, I love them.” I say, “defiantly one of my favorites.” I know I look weird when I smile, so I don’t try it.
“Yea, they’re one of mine too.” She says. And I don’t know how to respond, for every weird way I’ve imagined talking to her, I never actually thought about anything to say.
“Well…. Uhh, wanna trade?” I ask awkwardly and hold up my iPod. “You know, like to compare bands.”
“Sure.” She says and exits her game. Then we hand off and I start to look through her band list. Despite a few slight discrepancies it’s almost an exact copy of mine, like creepily so, like she might think I got music to match her and then arranged the trade off to try and impress her or something. Call it stoner paranoia, but I think like this a lot.
She looks a little shocked by the similarities as well.
“Will!” Jeremiah yells and runs in, “Quick! Come!”
I look at Ashley for a second and I give her back her iPod.
“Uhhhh, sorry.” I say and get up to follow my roommate into the hallway.