I Was Just Looking For A Way Out...
Chapter 27
It’s kind of sad, but the more you think about it the less you’re able to deny it; guilt and morals are built on a system of consequences. Think about it, at least when I was a kid, morals were instilled with screaming and violence, the shrill screech of an angry mother and the crack a father’s belt. I behaved out of sniveling pathetic fear. I’ve been trained to behave now for the same selfish reasons. I didn’t lie or steal because if I did I would burn in hell, because if I did god wouldn’t love me anymore.
Not much has changed, except by now the looming hand of my dad, or of god, has been so deeply instilled I think of it as my conscience, as my morality. Even thinking back to Emily in handcuffs, the worst that will happen is she’s sent back here. It’s easy to claim insanity when your crime takes place in an insane asylum.
Just say the talking leprechaun told you to do it.
Being here myself, it means I’ve hit rock bottom. I mean, I hit personal rock bottom when I tried to off myself, but now I’ve got a societal view working for me too. Now I know that I’ve got the freedom to do anything: theft, murder, rape, I’m untouchable. Not that any of that is appealing in the least, but the option is there.
Just blame the leprechaun, Shaemus told me to do it.
“Do you think she’ll be okay?” Jeremiah asks, sitting next to me, by now he’s okay enough to talk. I can only assume he means Emily, because Taylor obviously won’t be. I wonder if her parents have identified the body yet.
“Yea.” I say, “Think about it, she’ll just end up in another place like this.” He nods to himself and the only sound left is the dull chatter in the background, understandably about what happened yesterday as well. Less civil though…
“Did you hear about that dyke bitch?” Things along those lines, the kind of stuff that would make me start a fight if someone said it to one of my friends. If I had the energy to move that is, but for some reason I’m drained. For some reason, I can’t even muster the strength to empty my full bladder.
All I can do is rub Jeremiah’s back like a creep and over think every aspect of pretty much everything.
Not much has changed, except by now the looming hand of my dad, or of god, has been so deeply instilled I think of it as my conscience, as my morality. Even thinking back to Emily in handcuffs, the worst that will happen is she’s sent back here. It’s easy to claim insanity when your crime takes place in an insane asylum.
Just say the talking leprechaun told you to do it.
Being here myself, it means I’ve hit rock bottom. I mean, I hit personal rock bottom when I tried to off myself, but now I’ve got a societal view working for me too. Now I know that I’ve got the freedom to do anything: theft, murder, rape, I’m untouchable. Not that any of that is appealing in the least, but the option is there.
Just blame the leprechaun, Shaemus told me to do it.
“Do you think she’ll be okay?” Jeremiah asks, sitting next to me, by now he’s okay enough to talk. I can only assume he means Emily, because Taylor obviously won’t be. I wonder if her parents have identified the body yet.
“Yea.” I say, “Think about it, she’ll just end up in another place like this.” He nods to himself and the only sound left is the dull chatter in the background, understandably about what happened yesterday as well. Less civil though…
“Did you hear about that dyke bitch?” Things along those lines, the kind of stuff that would make me start a fight if someone said it to one of my friends. If I had the energy to move that is, but for some reason I’m drained. For some reason, I can’t even muster the strength to empty my full bladder.
All I can do is rub Jeremiah’s back like a creep and over think every aspect of pretty much everything.