I Was Just Looking For A Way Out...
Chapter 32
With Emily gone, arrested, on trail, and Taylor the reason Emily isn’t here; the only people I know are Jeremiah, Ashley, and my therapist. It’s sad when one third of your friends is legally obligated to take care of you… sadder still when the other 2 thirds have the exact same relationship with your therapist.
Making friends is out of the question too, apart from the antisocial behavior that put me here in the first place, I’m already labeled gay. Forget all that progression shit you here, no teenage guy wants to get all buddy buddy with someone everyone calls a faggot, even if he isn’t homophobic his friends probably are. And girls? Fuck girls, sure most want a gay best friend, but it only takes one bad experience to ruin a perspective and I can think of a few.
If I was forced to come up with one positive for this place, it would be the lack of temptation. Without a phone I don’t have to stare at her name and number al the time, I don’t have to delete her from my contacts only to add her back 30 minutes later. I don’t have to repeat those steps 10 times a day. The founding fathers thought everyone needed freed, they believed in a world where a monarch couldn’t tell you what to do. Well fuck the founding fathers; in here, I know why the caged bird sings.
I don’t need freedom of religion, freedom of speech, I don’t need the chance to succeed or improve my social standing. I need a gun to my head and instructions on how to think, feel, and act. Forget about god, I need a devil. I need somebody to hate and resent, somebody to push me past my limits and somebody to administer cruel and unusual punishment should I lash back. It’s one reason I used to play football.
I just need to believer there’s something out there worse then me.
Making friends is out of the question too, apart from the antisocial behavior that put me here in the first place, I’m already labeled gay. Forget all that progression shit you here, no teenage guy wants to get all buddy buddy with someone everyone calls a faggot, even if he isn’t homophobic his friends probably are. And girls? Fuck girls, sure most want a gay best friend, but it only takes one bad experience to ruin a perspective and I can think of a few.
If I was forced to come up with one positive for this place, it would be the lack of temptation. Without a phone I don’t have to stare at her name and number al the time, I don’t have to delete her from my contacts only to add her back 30 minutes later. I don’t have to repeat those steps 10 times a day. The founding fathers thought everyone needed freed, they believed in a world where a monarch couldn’t tell you what to do. Well fuck the founding fathers; in here, I know why the caged bird sings.
I don’t need freedom of religion, freedom of speech, I don’t need the chance to succeed or improve my social standing. I need a gun to my head and instructions on how to think, feel, and act. Forget about god, I need a devil. I need somebody to hate and resent, somebody to push me past my limits and somebody to administer cruel and unusual punishment should I lash back. It’s one reason I used to play football.
I just need to believer there’s something out there worse then me.