The Way You Lived Your Life

I sat by myself at lunch, like usual, but this time it was different. I could tell everyone was talking about 'The new kid', probably sharing their judgments, and spreading rumors. Already meeting Mike, I knew they most likely wouldn't be true. Not only that, but the kids were all assholes, so I knew they were just making it up to seem cool.

I was curious to hear what people were saying though, just to know if I was the only one who had actually seen and talked to him, or if I was the only one who liked Mike. It wasn't as big as a deal as they were all making it though. He was just a new kid that looked intimidating, and a bit different than what everyone was used to.

Everyone was stupid to be talking about him, even if I couldn't see him anywhere near. I shouldn't have cared, but I didn't want him feeling bad on his first day, because everybody couldn't keep their opinions to themselves. No one deserved it.

Before I could take a bite into my sandwich, brought from home, someone was at my side.

"Hey, Billie."

I looked up to see my friend Adrienne, smiling, about to sit in front of me at the table. "Hey."

Adrienne was my best friend at school. She was friends with a lot of people, but her and I had been friends longest. The only thing different now, is that back then, I thought I loved her. I knew we were only meant to be friend though, so I finally got over it this year. I'd prefer her a friend than nothing, so I dropped it.

She was a great friend though. She liked to talk a lot, but I really didn't mind it. She was outgoing, so she made every story she told interesting. She was pretty too, even with her long dreads. She didn't really care about trend though; every day she wore a worn out dress and some thrashed boots. Like me, she was considered one of the 'punk' kids at school. Everyone knew her as the 'weird chick', but I knew her as 80, or just Adrienne.

She sat down across from me, and like the talkative person she was, she immediately started talking. "So, have you seen the new kid?"

"You too?" I asked with a mouth full. "Not one person isn't talking about him."

"Well," she protested, "I heard something about him today that made me a little interested in finding out about the kid."

I rolled my eyes, so she couldn't see, then looked back up at her. She was just looking at me, waiting for me to ask her what she heard. I was interested, but I knew it was most likely a bullshit story. Adrienne wasn't one to spread rumors though.

"What did you hear then?"

"Well, I was in the bathroom, skipping class. I went to walk out, but as soon as I did, I saw the principal walking the new kid to a class." She went on, making it into a story. "I waited for the principal to leave, but instead, the teacher walked out of the classroom to talk."

I was interested now. Still, I played it off like it was just another conversation.

"What'd they say?"

"I guess the new kid is only here because it's his last chance. He's been kicked out of every school he's been to, and apparently he's a real bad kid. At least, that's what the principal explained to the teacher who's class he was in."

I felt bad, talking about him like that, like everyone else was. I was apart of it now.

"He doesn't seem that bad..." I told her.

"So you've talked to him?" She asked, but before I could reply, something looked like it caught her eye behind me.

I turned around and saw Mike walking up along the tables, almost reaching mine. Within seconds, I turned my head back to Adrienne, and pretended I wasn't just watching him. He came up to my table, and very quietly spoke.

"Hey. Can I... sit here?" He sounded like he had just been denied sitting anywhere else.

"Yea, man." I said, moving my notebooks so they wouldn't be in his way. I looked glanced at Adrienne, who was now just staring at him like she couldn't believe he was sitting with us.

He sat down, and a lot of head were turned in our direction. I tried to pay no attention, and started talking instead.

"'This place sucks, huh?" I asked shyly.

"I knew it the second I walked in." He said with a smile.

"That's why I'm sluffing after lunch" Adrienne said quickly, like she was nervous about talking to him.

It was weird, because Adrienne knew everyone. She was very outgoing, and had friends all over the school. It was like she never knew when to stop talking, but now that there was a new kid, she was nervous to talk to him.

Mike smiled at her though. "Have fun with that. I was thinking of skipping after school." Mike joked.

"Smart ass." Adrienne said jokingly, then laughed shortly. "I'm leaving though. So, I'll talk to you tomorrow." She told me.

We both waved to her, then she left. I was sure it would have been an awkward silence the whole time. Weirdly, it wasn't.

"So who's the cute girl?" Mike asked.

"Oh, that's Adrienne." I said smiling. "She's been my best friend for a while."

"So you're not with her?"

"No." I said quickly.

He gave me a puzzled look. "'You don't like her like that then."

"I used to," I confessed, for some reason. "I really liked her for a while, but after so long I realized that I was just a friend, and so was she."

Mike only listened to what I said, then took a bite of the school-lunch's hamburger. I was surprised he could eat it without having to chug a chocolate milk after every bite. He didn't make one face and he didn't say one thing about how nasty the food was. Instead, he ate everything on the tray like he enjoyed it.

The whole time we ate, we talked about little things and the school. People kept looking at us now and then, but he didn't seem to care. For some reason, he only seemed interested in me and our conversation.

Even when lunch was over, he walked alongside me and kept talking or listening to the things I'd say in response. I had no idea what class he was going to next, but he made it seem as if he was walking me to class.

"So, Billie, do you want a ride after school?" Mike asked like he knew that the classroom I needed to be in was getting closer.

It was unexpected of him to ask, and even though I wanted to say yes, I was still a bit shy around him. Being in a car with just him, with no one else around, I knew I'd be even less talkative. I didn't say much to him anyway, because he was the one mostly asking me the questions. As many questions as I wanted to ask him, I was too shy to ask.

Reluctantly, I told him, "...I take the bus every day."

I stopped and turned to him, because we were in front of my last class of the day, and he had a smirk on his face. "Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Billie."

"Yea, you too." I smiled back, and then he walked away, leaving me to my class.

It went by quick enough, but the fact my teacher hated me made things slower. During class, I was told that my behavior problems were getting out of control, and that I deserved detention after class. So, while I sat in detention, I could only think of the stupid kid who sat in front of me in class. He was the one who threw the pens at the teacher, but the teacher could only see one kid fakely doing work, and another kid behind him doing nothing. It automatically landed me a seat in front row during detention.

I walked through the halls pissed off that the office was closed, leaving me without a phone call home, and that I missed the bus all for nothing. It meant i had to walk a real long way, just to get home so I could do some more sitting around.

There was no other option though, so I walked through the school doors and started my walk home. Before I even reached the outside though, I noticed only a few cars in the parking lot. One stuck out most, and I knew it wasn't a teacher's car. Mike was leaning against it with a smile on his face.

He seemed to be looking in my direction, like he knew what doors I'd be walking out of. It was weird, but I brushed it off and kept walking out the doors. I pretended I didn't even see him and walked on the road from only the entrance to the school.

Unexpectedly, I heard a car behind me, and when I turned around, it was Mike. I wasn't surprised it was him, but he was on the wrong road. I instantly started to laugh, but got out of his way quickly. He wouldn't drive though; instead, he parked next to me.

"It doesn't look like you're riding the bus home..." Mike pointed out, obviously giving me shit.

"Yea," I scoffed, "I had detention today."

"Get in then." Mike said with a big smile. "I'll drive ya home."

I wanted to. I could feel my body trying to make its way to the other side of the car, but my thoughts were holding me back. There was no way of knowing what could happen once I got in. He seemed cool, but that could have been apart of his trick.

I couldn't forget when Adrienne said he was supposedly a real bad kid, too. Even if I couldn't trust it fully, though, I didn't want to walk home. The walk home was too long, and even the walk to the nearest phone was far. Being lazy was the biggest reason I gave in, and walked over to the passenger side of the car.

I got in, expecting it to be dirty, but for some reason it was really clean. It didn't have the new car smell, but it didn't smell like an old car or a vat of gasoline either. It wasn't a bad car, and for some reason it fit Mike's personality. At least how I knew it so far.

"So," Mike started as he drove out of the 'school-zone', "I'm going to stop at the gas station. Do you want anything?"

I looked at him, waiting to see if he would show any sign of him just giving me shit, but he kept a straight face at me for a few more seconds, then back to the road. "I guess." I said shrugging my shoulders, still not sure. "You don't have to do that though."

Mike glanced back at me again, with a smile on his face, and didn't say anything. It was silent until he eventually pulled into the gas station, being the other place I would have needed to walk to to use the damn phone.

"So, what'dya want then?" He asked as he parked his car.

"Um, I'll just go in and get a drink."

"Okay," Mike said, getting out of his car.

I followed him into the gas station, and he went straight to the counter. I heard him tell the guy he wanted a large fountain drink, then he asked for a pack of something. I turned my head back to see the guy asking for his ID. I knew he was getting cigarettes now.

I turned back to where the fountain drinks were, and tried to stay out of Mike's business. My attention was on how big the large cup was, and how I wasn't going to be able to drink it all before the ice melted and made the drink too watered down.

I grabbed it anyway, because I knew Mike just paid for it, and I would have felt bad. I filled it to the top with Root Beer, and couldn't believe people could drink those in less than an hour. Once I got home, I knew I was going to ask someone else if they wanted it.

When I turned back to Mike, he was outside smoking one of his cigarettes. I pulled a face, then walked out through the doors. Cigarettes were not my thing, especially because my mom's boyfriend smoked enough that he could get sick.

"What'd you get?" Mike asked, blowing out his mouthful of smoke.

"Root Beer." I said, after swallowing my first few sips.

"Alright, ready to go, Bill? 'Mind if I call you that?"

I didn't really like being called Bill, but I couldn't tell that to Mike, who just bought me a drink and his still in the process of taking me home. "Call me what you will," I said with a short smile.

He walked toward his car, and I followed again. I got in before him, and took the short time to glance around the rest of his car. I wasn't expecting to see the back how I did. The back seat was covered in blankets, and pillows were at both ends of the seat. The floor was covered in clothes, a few empty cigarette packages, some empty plastic sandwich-bags, and some food wrappers. It looked like he had been living out of his car. I felt bad now...

I looked back towards the front before he got into the car, though. I didn't want him knowing that I noticed the back, for some reason.

"So, Bill," He asked as he started the car, "where do you live?"

"Down... that way," I said pointing towards my street.

Mike backed out of the parking space quickly, so his car almost whipped to the direction he needed to go in to get out, and drove towards the main road. It kind of freaked me out, because I had never been with someone who wasn't too scared to drive like that, but I couldn't help but to laugh once he did it.

It caused Mike to look over at me, again smiling like he usually did, then he kept driving the rest of the way, carefully. It was so quiet too; I hated moments like that, because for some reason, I always felt like it was up to me to end the awkward silence. I had nothing to say to Mike though. The only thing I could think of was knowing he lived in his car.

I could have just sat there, pretending I was really some shy kid, but instead, I felt like asking him. I wanted to know the reason so badly, because for some reason, I wanted to hear him say something, subliminally admitting to 80's rumor.

"So, Mike?" I finally asked. "Where do you live?"

He didn't answer, and he didn't look over at me. He just kept driving, getting real close to my house. I was waiting for him to answer, but I didn't want to make him have to turn around if I didn't say anything either.

"Oh, I live six houses down from that one," I said pointing to the house on his left, at the time.

He was still quiet, and paying close attention to the road, but not where I told him my house was. Instead, he passed my house completely, even as I quietly pointed to it as we drove by. For some reason, he wasn't stopping, and I was getting freaked out.

I could only sit in the seat, tightening my grip on the arm of it, and the handle on the door to the right of me. I didn't talk again, but I knew Mike was planning on doing something. It scared me, how silent it was, and I debated several times on how bad it would hurt if I jumped out of the car, while Mike was still going.

I knew I shouldn't have got in the car with Mike, and I should have walked to the damn gas-station. Thinking now, I would have much rathered taking a long time to get home, than being kidnapped by some guy at school. I guess you could say I was scared.

He could have been taking me anywhere, and I couldn't do anything about it. Mike was strong looking; the sleeves on his shirt were cut off, and I could see the muscles in his arms. Just looking at him, I could tell he could kick my ass. Sure, he wasn't the strongest person I'd seen, but I couldn't fight him; being a skinny teenager.

For fifteen more minutes, he continued to drive, not saying a single word. Within that time, he finally slowed down, just so he could pull into the parking lot of a park. I was really freaking out now.

"O-Okay, I really want to go home, Mike. I have a lot of shit I need to do." I lied, cautiously, hoping I wouldn't piss him off or anything.

Mike looked at me, still no expression. My grip tightened on the door handle, and my body tried so hard to move against the door, away from him.

He finally spoke, "You wanted to know where I live," Mike said, almost sadly.

I just stared at him, and I'm sure he could see the fear in me. I nodded slightly, going along with what he wanted from me.

"This is it."

It was so quiet after he said that, we both could hear my heavy breathing, even through just my nose. Mike had to have known I was scared at this point.

"What's wrong?" Mike asked, looking a little concerned.

I swallowed, "Umm... I get to go home right?"

Mike pulled a stern face, looking straight at me. "What the hell do you think I'm going to do to you?"

I felt stupid now. Mike wasn't trying to do anything to me. He obviously didn't have the most ideal place to live, and it was really quite sad. He most likely had a real hard time talking about it, and there I was thinking he was going to kill me or something.

"I'm a dumbass..." I said quietly, sitting right in the seat again.

Mike kept looking at me, and I wasn't quite sure on what the look on his face was. My face was downward, toward the floor, but I could see out of the corner of my eye.

"Forget about it." Mike said, then turned away from me. "Anyway, I live in my car. I park my car here every night."

I was looking up at him now, and he was staring out the window, not showing any emotion on his face. I was a bit worried now, and it made me feel bad he had to live out here. I couldn't think of why someone would end up having to do that, especially on their own, trying to get through school still.

"Why?" I asked calmly.

He looked back at me, showing me his bright blue eyes. There was so much emotion behind them. "'Got no where else to go..."

"Parents?" I asked, probably sounding stupid.

"See," Mike started explaining, "I'm adopted, and about last year, I ran away from 'home'. I got sick of the bullshit."

"So, how do you... you know, live out here by yourself?"

Mike laughed a little, and shook his head back and forth. "That's something I'll tell you later on, man." Mike said.

I was confused now, but I wanted to ignore it. I just wanted to know one more thing. I just wasn't sure if it was too nosey.

"Why do you still go to school?" I wanted to know. I didn't understand why anyone running away would go to school. It would only add much more stress.

"Do you think I like sitting in my car, outside of a park, all day long?" Mike scoffed. "Besides, the school system's trying to make a deal with me."

I stared at him, letting him know I was listening and I was waiting for him to continue. "They say, if I pass my schooling, they'll pay me every month I am still passing. 'Something like that. This school, your school, is my last shot."

"So, what are you going to do?" I asked, expecting he's going to fuck up his last shot, too.

"If I fail this time, I'm on my own. It isn't so bad, but I depend on the money they give me. It helps."

Thoughts were running through my mind as he continued telling me about himself. I felt so bad for him, but he obviously kept fucking up on his own; it was his fault. "So, are you going to try harder this time?"

He laughed again. "I'll never change."

I didn't even ask. I was going to ignore that one too, and hopefully get it out of my head before it stuck there. It got quiet again, and before I could think of something to say, Mike was pulling out of the parking lot.

"I'm gunna get ya home." He said, calmly, driving down the road we came from.

Again, it was so quiet, but it wasn't' t too awkward this time. It had a better vibe to it, but I hated the silence. I never really could keep quiet when I had too many question to ask, or get out in someway.

"Mike, how old are you?" I asked, not looking in his direction.

"Seventeen. What about you?"

We were the same age. My birthday was coming up in a matter of four months, which was when I'd be eighteen. "Same as you, actually."

"Cool." Mike said. "I'll be eighteen in May."

"I'll be eighteen in February," I said excitedly; I couldn't wait to be old enough to do what I wanted.

"Good." Mike said, slowing down.

I looked around, and noticed were were stopping in front of my house. He was actually paying attention earlier. I almost didn't want to go...

"Hey, thanks for... everything, and sorry again-"

"Hey," Mike said, looking at me, "it's fine. I'll see you tomorrow, Bill."

"You too," I said, getting out of the car, not forgetting my drink.

As soon as I shut my door, Mike peeled away from the curb, and drove fast down the street. I smiled the whole way to my front door.

"Who was that?" My mom asked the second I got through the door.

I sighed. "My new friend." Then I smiled.

"Oh?" My mom said, also smiling. "What is that?" She asked pointing to the drink.

"Root beer," I told her, taking a sip. "Want some?"

She only pulled a face, "Did he get it for you?"

"Yea, mom." I told her, gradually getting a little annoyed.

She then got closer. "Do you like him?" She asked, sort of giggling.

I glared at her, but I couldn't stop my smile. She instantly laughed, and walked away. My mom was weird, but I loved her. She accepted me.

She now knew I liked Mike.

I managed through the rest of the night, around my family, and my mom telling all my siblings about my new crush at school. My room was better, where I could be alone; I could write my songs, and maybe some new ones for Mike.

I was too excited to see him the next day, though. I rarely went to bed early, but I wanted to try. Insomnia always got me, but when I was laying there, silently, with my eyes closed, thoughts came back to me.

I couldn't sleep knowing Mike was in his car right now, probably freezing. He had to sleep in his back seat of his car, while I was in bed. I didn't think it was fair. Even though I barely knew him, I felt I knew him enough, and I felt bad for earlier.

At school, the next day, I was going to set everything up, just to make sure he was in a better place.