The Way You Lived Your Life

Ever wake up in the morning, and it seems a little too automatic?

Mornings were never too easy for me, especially the trying to get out of bed and open your eyes part. This morning was different though. I woke up, and my eyes were instantly opened. I wanted nothing more than to jump up out of bed, throw on some pajamas and rush downstairs.

I felt like a little girl, feeling like Mike was my boyfriend or something. I laughed to myself under my breath at the thought, then continued to the garage. I was excited to see him in bed, just so I could wake him up. It would be funny to see him feel obligated to actually get up early and get to school on time. He'd have to...

I slowly opened the door, hoping he was a heavy sleeper, then crept into the garage. I turned the light on as I held back a laugh, and once they came on, I turned around. I was facing his bed, but all I could see was a few cigarette butts, of different kinds, and an empty bed.

I let out a heavy breath through my nose as I tried to grasp onto how I felt. For some reason, it surprised me, yet I told myself to forget him and I shouldn't have trusted him. "I don't need anything other than a place to stay, just tonight..." I said to myself under my breath, almost with a disgusted tone. This was my fault now that I was in a bad mood again.

Not caring who saw me pissed off, I stomped up my stairs to get dressed and walk to the bus stop. Mike wouldn't be there, so I knew today was going to be one of those shitty days... kind of like how every school day is.

So, I threw on some clothes that made me look like one of those downer, grungy kids, then grabbed my backpack, that only consisted on pens and my notebook. Nothing school related ever went into my bag, because I knew there was no point in touching it all; I was not going to do it, even if I wanted to.

Reluctantly, I walked down the stairs, almost stepping on one of my Converse laces before the last step. Trying to avoid doing that is what made me fall, though. Before I could see what was happening, I was on the ground, face down, and my bag was across the room, notebook too. I didn't even have a chance to get up before I heard my sister giggling.

I wanted to get up and start one of our stupid fights, but I really wasn't in the mood. Today was really bad, and it didn't help when I saw outside the living room window. Now it was raining, and the sky was the perfect shade for my horrible day.

Slowly, I picked myself up and grabbed my things. I ignored everyone as I grabbed a bowl and poured in some cereal. I poured the milk quickly, then took my cereal into the other room. I wasn't going to deal with anyone this morning.

I ate quickly, even though I had plenty of time to sit around and no nothing. The school bus driver was always early, though, so I didn't wanna risk it. Sitting at home all day wasn't any better than school.

The bus stop I had to walk to wasn't far, but for some reason they put it right around the corner of the block. It was raining pretty hard as I walked, making the mood seem more pathetic than I felt. Still, all this could make for good lyrics; the self-criticizing kind. Once I got to school, I'd let the lyrics pour into my head, then onto the lined paper in my notebook.
For now, I was just supposed to wait at the bus stop. I didn't have to even bother looking up from under my hood to see where I was going. I walked the walk every day, and by this point, I could do it in my sleep.
Once I stood there, waiting for the yellow cage to deliver me, and the rest of the kids to prison. Unfortunately, I didn't have to wait very long. After five minutes, the bus appeared and all the kids surrounding me started crowding around where they thought the bus would stop. I didn't even care what place I was in to get on the bus.
Everyone formed a huge group around the door when the bus finally stopped. People were pushing and shoving, but no matter what, the 'cool kids' always got to get on first. It made me laugh that they thought they were so awesome sitting in the very back of the bus. Sitting in front only made it easier to get off of the shithole faster, so really, what's so awesome about waiting behind a ton of kids to get off the bus? You'd figure getting off would be the important thing.
Still, getting off the bus at school was a different thing. Only then is it okay to try and stay on as long as you can.
Finally, I was able to get on the bus, lucky enough to find an open seat. If I had to ride the stupid thing, I at least wanted to sit by myself, and not some asshole or weirdo. People just bothered me in general. They annoyed me...
At least today... because of him.

I sat in my seat, and sat close to the window. No one wanted to sit with me if I was all 'emo' looking, staring down at my lap with my hood still on. Impatiently, I waited for the bus to leave, headed towards where I didn't want to be. I sighed when I finally felt the bus in motion, but I was quick to turn around when I heard all the kids in the back laughing.
"Look!" One of the jocky, 'idiot kids' yelled.

"I know!" Another laughed. "What a douche-bag!"

Other kids were up now, looking towards the back of the bus, trying to see out the window all the cool kids were crowded around. Something was happening, and they were making fun of someone. It pissed me off, and I didn't even know why they were doing it, or who this person was. I wanted off the bus. It was extremely aggravating now.

"Hey," I said loudly to the bus driver, because he could never hear a damn thing. "Stop the bus!"

"Why?" He asked with a mocking chuckle.

Before I could say anything back, a girl started shouting at the bus driver. "Stop! A kid's trying to catch the bus!"

For some reason, he listened to this girl. I turned to her to smile and thank her for getting him to stop for me. I wanted to walk to school, because if I had to deal with any more of the annoyance, my day was going to be ruined for a few extra days.

“Thanks, that means a lot that you’d do that.”

She gave me a confused look, but before she could even speak, we were all interrupted with the loud, booming laughter of all the jocks and cool kids at the back of the bus again. They were all crowded around the back window, pointing and laughing still.

"Awww, come on! The guy looks like he needs to get into shape anyway. Keep drivin'!”

“Sorry, kid, but I gotta...” The bus driver said to one of the jocks, sounding a little bit too disappointed that he didn’t get to leave someone behind.

I now felt completely stupid, but the girl was too concerned with whether or not the kid was gunna get on the bus. I turned away, hoping she forgot I just thanked her for no reason, and went to get up and off the bus before I missed my chance.

As soon as I was about to stand up, I heard footsteps from outside the now-open doors and saw someone in a torn up gray hoodie running toward the open door. I knew I had to at least wait for the kid to get on before I got off, to walk to school in the rain...

So I sat, and waited impatiently for the kid to scan out a seat once he reached the top of the stairs. I kept my head down, so he wouldn’t try to sit with me, blocking me in. I could have just sat on the edge of the seat, but he was already on the bus.

I sighed after a few seconds of him obviously standing up front, searching all the seats for one empty one, or for someone he wouldn’t mind sitting next to. It was getting irritating that it was taking him so long, but I was about to be more annoyed. For some reason, the kid wanted to sit next to the grungy, sad lookin’ kid, sitting right up front, right in front of the stairs.

I heard him breathing heavy once he sat next to me. I tried to avoid him, but exactly what I was hoping didn’t happen did.

“Hey,” He said to me quietly.

“What?” I asked, not looking.

“Can I sit with you?”

“No you cannot fucking sit with me,” I thought. “You can’t ask to sit with me after you already invited yourself to do it anyway!”

“Yea.” I said, trying to subliminally inform this kid that I didn’t wanna be bothered.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, still whispering.

My eyes glared down at the floor, and I so badly wanted to direct my glare at him. Slowly, I tried to peek one eye from under my hood without him seeing me do it. I was curious to see who this asshole was.

“You look like you’ve had a bad morning...” He continued, prying himself into my business.

“Mmhm.” I grumbled.

“Wanna talk about it?” He pushed.

“No!” I said firmly, but only loud enough for him to hear. “I don’t wanna talk to anybody.”

“Hey,” He said, not trying to be privately quiet anymore. “I’m the one you ditched, so I think I at least deserve a conversation on the way to school with you. I’m here next to ya, aren’t I?”

Confused, I went to look at him, ready to snap. “Who the fuck are-” I stopped, and my mouth forgot how to close itself. “Oh...”

He had a huge smile on his face now, soaking wet from the rain. “You really didn’t know it was me? Why the hell would any random person do that shit?” He was laughing now. I couldn’t help but to laugh a little, too.

“At least it’s you then. Where did you come from?” I asked, instantly after I remembered that he was nowhere to be found this morning.

“What? You think I’m gunna let you wake my ass up real early in the morning? That would have just pissed me off, so I woke up myself... Early.” He was still smiling.

“That still doesn’t tell me why you weren’t there this morning.”

“I was in the damn bathroom. Your mom said I could take a shower, and I figured that by the time I got out, you’d be downstairs, almost ready to leave. Obviously someone’s too fuckin’ eager to get to school though.” I noticed he was starting to get more comfortable with his words around me... a lot more cuss words were popping out than before.

“No,” I said, letting my head fall back down. “...I thought you left again.”

“Dude,” He said, facing me, “I get you don’t trust me, but can you see I’m trying now?”

To anyone else around us, we probably sounded like we were lovers who just got into a fight. It was weird though, how our friendship was turning to this in only a matter of days. It felt like we’d been best pals and were just now seeing each other again for the first time in years. I didn’t get it, especially when he hasn’t exactly been the best friend yet.

This time I wanted to try to trust him again though. This morning was a huge misunderstanding of what was happening, but he ran all the way to catch up to me. He got up extra early and everything just to go to school with me like I wanted. He seemed like he was really trying, but then again, he could be doing it ‘just for today’.

I sighed as we got off the bus and walked towards the school. “I hate this place.”

Mike didn’t say anything back, it just looked like I made him think of something that appeared to be more important than watching where he was going. He ran into some girl, and made her drop her books.

“Hey!” She yelled at him.

He ignored her completely and turned to me instead, as he started walking away, “I’ll see you in a few minutes! I gotta do somethin’...”

“Okay,” I said, confused. “Meet me in class!”

He was already gone though. He took off running the second I said okay, and by the time the girl started bitching, he was on the other side of the building.

“Excuse me,” she whined, “your friend just knocked these out of your hands.”

Normally, I would have said something along the lines of: ‘Sorry, he didn’t see you. I’ll help you grab them’. But now, after hanging out with the type of kid who doesn’t take shit from anybody, I’ve gotten a little more defensive.

“Yea, because I watched him deliberately smack those out of your grip. Maybe you should hold onto your books better,” I sarcastically suggested, then walked away. I could bet whatever money I had that the look on her face was like a preppy girl who just got soda poured all over her favorite shirt.

After about ten minutes of waiting for Mike to come back from around the corner, I finally left the school hallway, by my locker, and went into the class I was supposed to be headed to. By the time I got into the classroom, the bell started ringing and kids were piling in behind me. Luckily, my seat in this one was all the way in the back by the window.

I sat there, waiting for Mike. It seemed like half an hour went by, and still no sign of him.

“Did he really ditch me like this, and I just let it happen?” I thought to myself. I hadn’t even been writing, I was just sitting there the whole period, thinking and waiting. “Where are you, Mike?”

I sighed and put my head down after a few more minutes. I was only setting myself up for a bigger disappointment if I expected him to come in at anytime for the whole class. Mike was gunna get it later, though. The next time he sees me, I’ll... nothing.

Mike might have ditched me for this class, but maybe he really needed to do something. Maybe is was important... anything was more important than sitting here all day.

“Billie!” I heard someone say, so I automatically, without thinking asked, “What?”

Everyone stared at me, and the teacher looked up from her seat. The only thing I got out of that was that it wasn’t someone in the class room who said my name. I looked out the window, stupidly, to see if someone might have seen me from out there. Before I could even look long enough, I heard my name again.

Slowly, I got out of my seat and looked out the window. Mike was there, trying to get my attention. When he saw me, he started waving me down, telling me I should come down. I didn’t know how though, because I wasn’t badass enough to just walk out.

“Excuse me,” I said to the teacher as I came up to her desk, “can I use the hall-pass?”

She looked up from her book, almost glared at me, then wordlessly looked back down and handed me the vest we were supposed to wear as a hallpass. I didn’t put it on when I walked out. Instead, I grabbed my things and dropped the hallpass outside of the class room and went to the front of the school.

“What the hell?” I asked Mike as I saw him appear from around the corner, obviously coming from the window he was just bothering me at. “You’re supposed to be in school in order for the whole not-getting-kicked-out thing to work.”

“Well,” Mike started, acting like I wasn’t serious at all, “you did say you hated this shithole.”

“So? That means you can just leave and not come to class with me?”

“I cam back to get you,” he protested, finally understanding that I was being more serious than kidding-around.

“For what, and after half an hour?”

“I had to do something,” he said, making me a little interested, “before I came to get you.”

“You keep saying that. Where are we going?”

He didn’t say anything, he just walked toward the parking lot. I had no idea where we were going, or why, but I followed. Truthfully, I’d rather get caught sluffing than to actually sit in school all day. After several cars, Mike started slowing down, turning to one of the parking spaces. I couldn’t see him as he disappeared behind the white truck parked next to the space he just walked to.

Mike wasn’t far ahead of me, but after a few seconds I saw where he went. I waited til I opened the door, sat down, and shut it before I asked him anything.

“Umm... where did you get your car?”

“Nowhere.” Mike lied, obviously.

“Was it here the whole time? Because I remember you sitting next to me on the bus, unless it really wasn’t you...”

Mike sighed, sounding like he was giving in. “It doesn’t matter. We’re going somewhere else, that’s what matters.”

“Where?” I asked, being pretty stubborn, not to just allow Mike to do whatever he wants without telling me first.

“A fuckin’ place away from your school. Just relax, Bill.”

“Whatever.” I shrugged, watching out the window as Mike drove to this ‘mystery’ place.

When we finally got there, it was just the stupid park he was once staying at in his car. He parked in the same space, and then stopped the car. I was a little worried that something bad was about to happen, yet Mike seemed to be pretty happy about something.

“Here,” Mike said, handing me cigarette. “You look like you could use this...It’ll relax you.”

I pulled a face at it. I’ve smoked them, but they didn’t look like this. I didn’t trust it... yet. “I don’t know...”

“Why the fuck not?” Mike said with laughter. “You look like you’ve been nothing but stressed out ever since I met you.”

“I’m always like this...” I said quietly. “It just looks different than any other cigarette I’ve smoked.”

He started laughing, and I had no idea why. This whole car ride he seemed like he was in the best mood, and a smirk never left his side. His eyes made him look like he was tired, but he didn’t look like that earlier.

“It’s not a cigarette,” he said, trying to stop laughing. I was more than confused now. “It’s a J.”

“A what?” I said with a face.

“A joint? Come on, Bill, don’t tell me you don’t know what this is.”

“Oh...a joint.” I said looking down at it. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to try something like that... but Mike was right; I had been stressed since I can remember. I’ve always acted so uptight, and Mike seemed to be in such a great mood. Maybe he was high, and maybe things are better that way...Maybe I would be better that way. “I’ll try a little...”

I put it to my mouth, and from the smell, I fell in love. By the time the smoke was in my mouth, I wasn’t sure if it was the best idea, but it was too late. A calm, relaxing feeling was slowly creeping over my body, and my head felt like it wasn’t really there. Before long, I was stoned, I guess, and I couldn’t think of one negative thing. All I could do was smile at the feeling, laugh at anything, and keep smoking it with Mike.

I wouldn’t have known, but this could have been what I needed all along.

“Mike,” I asked, feeling almost too lazy to even talk, “...How would I, uh... get more of this?”

“Weed?” Mike asked, looking away from the second joint he was about to light. His face seemed to light up, after the thoughtful look he had for a few minutes. “Got any money?”

“A little... It’s lunch money.” I said, pulling out my wallet.

“Give me two bucks and you’ll have a joint.” Mike said, passing me the one he just lit up and took two drags off of.

I gave him the four bucks I had, and he gave me two. He had a bag full of them...

“Mike,” I asked, not able to look away, “why do you have so many?”

“I need to make money somehow...”

I nodded my head, and forgot where I was going with my question. I couldn’t help but laugh when I realized I forgot so quickly, so soon, I was giggling non-stop, and the sight of it got Mike all caught up in laughter too.

I couldn’t help but to have so much fun. Mike really did make the days better, whenever he was in them.