The Way You Lived Your Life

"This does not surprise me..." Mr. Riley said as he peered into the window as it rolled down.

Mike didn't say anything. He sat there, not even looking at the man at his side, staring straight ahead of him. He knew it was a bad idea. Mike didn't want to do this, but he had his reasons as to why he was doing it.

"You're the one doing the stuff," Mike said, only looking at his principal from the corner of his eye.

He huffed. "As if you don't do drugs, Michael."

Mike glared at him. "I don't."

His Principal's eyes grew wide. "It's hard to believe the student selling them-"

"You're the one doing them, and I'm only in this because I need some cash to get by. You know my situation, so do you want it or not?"

Mr. Riley kept egging Mike on with every word he spoke and every sentence he thought of so quickly. All principals had that knack, the way they just said the most irritating things to get a rise out of the 'trouble makers'. Mike wasn't going to show his principal that he was even the slightest bit of angry, but Mr. Riley knew he was getting under his skin.

"So I'm paying you to live on the streets and come to my school, just to cause more problems for my staff?"

"No," Mike said firmly, "I don't get the money from you. It's not of your business what I do and where I live."

"You're going to get that Armstrong boy into a bunch of trouble if you keep hanging around him, Mr. Pritchard."

Mike sighed. "Do you want the shit or not?"

Mr. Riley could see he wasn't going to get anywhere with Mike, today, and pulled out a wad of cash. "Give this to your dealer, and don't go spending it on yourself."

"No shit, " Mike thought. He took the money and held out a brown paper bag. His principal took it, looked inside to inspect it, and smirked. It was one of those smirks that the teachers and principals gave you, letting you know they were obviously thinking the most absurd things about you, that were not true.

"Have a nice day, Michael." The principal said, walking away from Mike's car.

"Yea, I hope you get caught." Mike mumbled, rolling up his window again.

Now he had to drive back to Tom's, hopefully to get something to sell or some money right up front. He had a place to stay now, but his car always needed gas, and he did owe Billie something for all the trouble he had caused. What? He didn't know, but having money was never a bad thing; it always came in handy somehow, even if he had to sell more pot at school just to get it.

He parked his car against a curb in front of a blind woman's old house, and walked up to her driveway. He walked straight back, going through the back gate, headed into her backyard. He was so used to this...

He hopped the fence, in her yard, right into a family's yard, covered in toys and playground structures. The kids were still in school, and the dad was always at work. The mom stayed home, and Mike often saw her at Tom's fence, buying. There was times she'd see Mike through the window and intercept him before he hopped the last fence. She was a regular of Tom's, and she always had enough cash to get her weed.

Mike first met her when he learned he had to go through the back yards, and it was a late night. He was quietly creeping along the far side of the fence, hoping she wouldn't see him when he hopped over. She was smoking something that looked like a cigarette and she was crying.

Normally it wasn't in Mike's nature to get involved in things like that, but she reminded him of his mom with her tan skin and long dark hair.

"Are you okay?" He asked, approaching her.

She was startled, only because some random kid was in her backyard and she was obviously smoking a joint. "What do you want?" She asked.

"I'm just cutting through your back yard... I hope you don't mind."

"Going to Tom's?" She asked with a smile and handed Mike the joint.

He smoked with her and found out she had a hard time at home. The neighborhood saw her as the sweet mother who stayed home all day, waiting for her kids to get home, then several more hours for her loving husband. Behind closed doors, her husband was a drunk and spent all of his time in the basement. Every so often she'd find one of her boys with a new bruise or welt, but she couldn't do anything. He worked and made enough money to support them and his drinking habit. Her kids were her life though, and eventually she tried to put a stop to the beatings.

She got her wish when he stopped hurting the kids, but it gradually turned into a different situation. He beat her when he got angry, and drunk, and she couldn't bring herself to leave the home when her kids were home with him. She felt she was protecting them, and the only thing keeping her calm was smoking pot all day, when her kids weren't home, or when they were in bed.

It angered her husband more, and he moved a bed into the basement with all of his things. He told her he couldn't have a druggie wife, and practically moved away into a whole different world. They stayed married, but she never could miss when a girl was in the house. After so long, she just didn't care as long as she wasn't abused anymore, and neither were her kids. He still took care of them, money wise.

"Get the fuck out of there!" Mike told her as she cried to him. After so many nights and days of seeing Mike, she did open up to him and told him everything.

She only smiled. "One day when I get my own job, when my kids are old enough to fend for themselves, I'll get a job and we'll move away."

Mike hugged her during times like that. He grew to love that woman, and worried about her. He felt he was helping her when he would sell or give her pot from Tom, or himself.

As he cut through her yard, he hoped he'd see her outside, or even through a window, but not today.

He went right to the side fence, hopping into Tom's back yard and walked over to his sliding glass door. He knocked and waited for someone to come to answer.

Like usual, it was one of Tom's girlfriends who answered, always wearing the most revealing clothes, practically just a tank top that showed too much, and shorts that were too short. Mike couldn't deny he enjoyed it a little, though.

As he walked into the living room, he heard the laughter from Tom.

"You went through with it! Where's the money?"

"Here." Mike said, handing over the wad of cash. "Six hundred."

"Good...good..." Tom said, counting it. "Here."

Tom reached in the couch cushion and threw another little bag of weed at Mike. "What's this for?"

"I don't want it, and I know you are quite the little stoner, and I did tell you I'd give a little extra."

"Thanks, Tom." Mike said, putting it into his pocket, ready to walk out.

"Come talk to me in a few days, alright?"

"Alright," Mike said, knowing this was one of Tom's good days. He could tell how everyone was in the living room laughing, and all strung out on Tom's drugs. He normally didn't do that unless something great had just happened or was about to.

He left and went back into Karlee's yard, sneaking up to her back porch. He knew her stash was in the vase where she kept her flowers, and her kids were never allowed to play with the flowers, for obvious reasons. It was a good spot, and nothing was in there. He left three joints and put the flowers back how they were. There was no one in sight, but he peeked through the window into the kitchen just to make sure she was fine.

Mike still had no idea why he cared so much about this woman he had met a few months back, but she was always so nice to Mike. There was nights she would offer him to sleep in the shed and would bring him food. They cared about each other, and now that Mike had somewhere to stay, he didn't see her as often.

He saw her sitting at the table, and smiled when he saw her laughing at something. He left, hopping over the fence into the old lady's back yard and went to walk toward the gate to get to the driveway. Mike didn't even know the old woman was sitting in her backyard.

"Hello?" She called out.

Mike knew she was blind, but she could hear his steps as the grass was smashed under his shoes. He stood still. "Excuse me? Who's in my yard?"

Trying not to laugh, he watched as she tried to find whoever was in her yard. "Please, just don't take anything. I'm too old to-"

"Don't worry," Mike finally said, "I'm just cutting through your back yard. I'm sorry."

"Oh! That's fine. I hear you all the time you know?"

"I'll try to be more quiet. I just have to help some people out, and I only know how to get to their house from the back yard."

"Oh Mrs. Steadman?"

"Who?"

"Karlee, I do believe her name is. She spoke to me earlier, and her husband's going on a business trip, right?"

It made him smile knowing that she'd have the house to herself with her kids for a while.

"How long?"

"A month or so," the old lady told him. "He's such a wonderful husband and father..."

"Yea," Mike said, pulling a face at even the mention of the lie. "I gotta go though, so thank you for letting me use your yard."

"You're welcome!" Mike heard her say as he ran back to his car. For some reason, he was excited to see Billie.

Billie's POV

Adrienne randomly came over, noticing I wasn't at school today. I told her I was becoming more 'cool' and less of a 'good boy', but she still didn't believe I'd just miss school for no reason. This day there was a reason, but it was obvious she didn't trust me missing a day of school.

Of course she got here and saw my black eye, and examined the rest of my body and noticed the rest of the bruises. It wasn't like the one time we tried getting intimate and she took off my shirt, looking at my body like she was enjoying it. This time she was staring in awe, completely concerned.

"Does your mom know?"

"No, of course not. She'd believe it when I told her you did it though."

It made her laugh, and it cracked me up a little when she did. We were both sitting on the edge of my bed, and now I had my shirt off. It must have looked odd, but no one was home. If this how it was last time, then we probably wouldn't have been friends. Maybe something more, or nothing at all. If we went through with it, it could have ended in us being together or it being too awkward to even be friends.

I'm glad it didn't happen, but now that the time was perfect, it wasn't meant to happen. I had feelings for someone else, and she obviously could get any guy at school.

It's always something unforgettable thought. Just the way she leaned in to kiss me, but took off my shirt instead. My heart was pounding, and I felt so nervous as she eyed my body as I was on my back on my bed. She was sitting up, ready to unbutton the dress she had on, but before it could happen, my mom walked in through the front door.

My bedroom door was closed, but it obviously wasn't a good time to try to take mine and Adrienne's friendship to a next level. Right before it even happened, I remember her saying, "I've never done it before, and I always figured doing it with a best friend would be more trust worthy." Then she asked me how I felt about it. Of course, then, I wanted her in anyway she was willing to give me, and I loved her. It would have hurt, knowing she didn't love me back, but the fact that she wanted me to be her first was good enough. As nervous as I was, I didn't mind when she kissed my neck and ran her fingers through my hair. She even took my hand and placed it on her chest, and at that point I couldn't have been happier.

"So why'd he do it?"

"The pot I sold..."

"You weren't supposed to?" She asked, sounding very interested.

"No, I was, I just wasn't supposed to spend the money."

Mike's POV

"Fucking stupid," I heard Adrienne call Billie. I had been listening the whole time, and he wasn't stupid. I didn't think so anymore. "What'd you spend it on? He probably has some creepy guy breathing down his back for that money and you just took it?"

"I didn't take it, Adie. I bought him a bass guitar with it..."

"Awwww..." Adrienne cooed. "You trying to push him into a band with you?"

"I'm trying to, but I'm not pushing. You know how I am." Billie said with a little laughter.

She giggled back. I could so tell that she wants him and she's putting herself out there, and for some reason Billie wasn't biting. The bait was there, but it seemed like he wanted something else.

"I remember you alright. You haven't changed since we used to best friends."

"Aren't we still?"

"I guess if you think so. I figured you'd be done with me for not being around as much..."

I heard Billie sigh, and now I was getting to know a little bit more than I bargained for. I was always curious about Billie, but I never knew he and this Adrienne girl had such history. It almost made me mad at her, for treating him like that, but then again, she wasn't the one beating him and stashing drugs at his house.

"You have other friends, I understand."

"Billie, don't say it like that. No one is as important as you, it's just hard to see you after..."

"After what?" I thought, waiting to hear what she told Billie.

"...After last time, when your mom pretty much ruined things."

"What do you mean?" Billie asked her, and I could hear the tone turn into something else completely.

It wasn't upbeat anymore, and they were obviously getting into a serious conversation. Rudely, I was just the type to eaves drop and find out about Billie the sneaky way. It was getting good, and I was more than in-tuned.

Part of me wasn't sure if I was ready to hear it though. I had my reasons, and I knew how Billie felt about a lot of things, even a little bit about how he felt for me and the rest of his 'friends'. It made me feel even worse that he thought so much of me, even after everything. All I could do was listen to see if he'd mention anything else I could know.

"I was embarrassed about the time I asked you to... be my first..."

"Oh," I heard Billie trail off.

"Yea, and there's just so much you don't know about back then."

"Like what?" Billie sounded so sincere and sweet, just like he always was.

"I loved you, Billie." What she said made me pull back a little bit from the door.

I could only imagine Billie's face; I'm sure his eyes were wide and I'm sure his heart started to pound a little bit faster at this point. I could see that he still liked her, and for some odd reason I only hoped he still didn't.

"You know it's crazy, but I loved you too..."

I heard Adrienne make a noise like she was excited, and I guessed that she was hugging him at that point. "I had no idea!" She said.

"I thought it was pretty obvious, but why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Honestly? I didn't think you thought I was even the slightest bit attractive, and when that one day happened, I could see you and the way you looked-"

"I was nervous!" I heard Billie defend, laughing a little, again. "You're beautiful..."

It got quiet again and after a few seconds I heard a noise, like they had just kissed. I felt it would have been a good time to leave, until I heard them talk again.

"I still haven't..."

"What?" Billie asked, and I could hear the nervousness in their voices.

"Had sex..."

Billie laughed a little, "So? I haven't either. It's not a big deal, Adie."

"Well... I always wanted it to be with one person."

And this is when I knew Billie was about to do something he'd regret later on. I couldn't stop him though, and it wasn't in my place. Hopefully he didn't catch on that the one person was him.

"Who?" He asked, and I wasn't sure if he really didn't know who, or if he was just dragging it on longer.

"Someone I can always trust," I heard her say quietly. "You're the only one I can..."

I knew Billie didn't trust anyone though, especially me. Maybe he trusted her, because they had been friends for so long, but she'd been out of his life long enough to change. He should know better than to trust someone that long, after they didn't even speak to him for so long.

It didn't make sense that I cared so much, but I guessed it was just me being a good friend and looking out for Billie.

"Why?" Billie asked.

"You don't lie, and you keep secrets. You're a loyal friend, and obviously you still think of me as a best friend, even after my absence."

"So you want to loose your virginity to me because of that?"

"That, and well... because I guess all the feelings are coming back to me."

"That's not fair to do to him," I thought.

"So are you saying..."

"I'm saying I want to do it, Billie. With you."

That's when I quietly got up and left. Judging the time they were in there and how they acted once they come out I could decide if they actually did it or not. To ease my mind, I assumed Billie wouldn't have the balls to.

So, I left to the garage to smoke some weed and wait. Wait however long I needed to.

Billie's POV

My heart pounded as she leaned in closer, putting her hand on the back of my neck, pulling my face closely to her. I looked into her eyes as she seemed to look at my lips, and as quickly as it all started, she was kissing me. It felt nice, but it didn't exactly feel right. Still, she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen, and the fact that she only trusted me with this was enough to make it alright.

She kept kissing me sweetly, and her hand slowly slid down my back, playing with the end of my shirt, slightly pulling it up every so often, and dragging her fingers up and down my spine, making me shiver.

Her kisses trailed down to my neck, and as slowly as she sucked on my neck, my shirt was being lifted up off my back. She pulled it off, over my head, and now I was shirtless, again. Her soft fingers traced around my bruising and then down to my hips. I could see her eying my button, not knowing what do to. I didn't either, but I nervously brought my hands to neck and kissed her again.

As steadily as I could, I brought my hands back to her chest and unbuttoned each little button on her dress, all the way down to the bottom. I could feel her breathing get shaky, and I knew she was nervous.

"Are you sure?" I asked, making sure she wasn't regretting it.

"Yes. I want to do this..."

I stared into her eyes, making sure it was fine, and she nodded. "You don't want to wait?"

"For what? Some asshole guy who's only going to want me for sex? No... I know you're doing this for me."

It made me feel good that she only trusted me with this. I just wanted my first time to be with someone I was in love with. I still loved Adrienne, but I wasn't in love with her like I was Mike. It was okay though, because Mike would never want me. If Adrienne did, even if she couldn't admit it fully, then I was fine with it. My feelings for her didn't completely vanish.

"I want to do this for you... with you."

She sighed with a smile, then I looked at her as she slowly slid her dress off her shoulders and watched the dress fall to her waist. I stood up, in front of her, and helped her pull it off the rest of the way. My heart was still pounding, but I felt more comfortable with it now. She smiled and breathed steadily once she was in nothing but her bra and underwear.

I rubbed the palm of my hands against her smooth skin and she sat up to kiss me again. I worked my hands to try and get her bra off, and as soon as I did, I was rewarded with the same breasts I attempted to grab a couple years ago, except this time, they were bare and definitely bigger. I nervously reached my hands out, staring, and probably looking like an idiot. Again, she grabbed both of my hands and placed them on her boobs as she perked her head up to kiss me again.

Her soft lips pressed against mine, and I felt her tongue slowly trace my bottom lip, eventually sucking and biting on it too. It all felt so nice, the feel of her soft skin fitting in my hands, being able to play with and squeeze them. Making her feel good by every little move I made; even just tracing a finger around her nipples.

Before long, she gently pushed me back, making me stand up straight again. She looked up at me with such a sweet and innocent look, even as she had her hands on my pants, pulling them down. When they dropped to my ankles, I almost froze, not sure of what to do next. Just standing in my boxers, looking down at her with nothing but undies on, I could feel something growing larger, and a little bit more painful.

I could see her eying it as she kept looking back up at me. I swallowed hard, feeling a bit insecure, hoping this wasn't something weird. Her seeing a bulge, trying to come out from my boxers. I couldn't help it thought.

"Are you sure, Billie?" She asked, looking up at me.

"Yea," I practically sighed. I just really wanted it now, even if something wasn't throbbing and slightly hurting.

She pulled me down into another kiss and I could feel the smile on her lips. My hands were back on her smooth skin, and I traced her sides with all four fingers, down to her panty line. I hooked my fingers into them, and pulled them down. Now I was completely amazed and I wanted her even more. I almost felt like a disgusting pervert at this point.

Not until she put her hands on my back, sliding her hands into my boxers, grabbing my ass, did I feel more comfortable with it. My boxers slid off my skin, and then they were sliding down my legs. I breathed deeply and stood again to get them off.

Now we were both naked, and she eyed my body. It wasn't something I had to feel nervous about, because her eyes told me that she loved everything she was seeing. I smiled at her as she pulled me down on top of her.

Our hearts were pounding, and as I looked at her, she nodded. Now was it. This is when I was going to feel the best thing I'd ever felt. The one thing better than masturbation.

She sucked in air through her teeth as I slowly pushed in, and instantly, before I even did anything else, she let out a small moan.

I had no idea how I was doing, but her breathing and slight moans let me know it must have felt good somehow. It didn't last long, but she seemed to have understood. It was my first time, too, and it felt better than I imagined.

She held me close as she thanked me for doing that for her, and promised me that it wouldn't be the last time. I understood that she wanted to get home though, obviously feeling slightly awkward now.

She kissed my cheek as she left, and was out of the front door before I even left my room. I couldn't help but to carry a huge smile on my face.

Mike's POV

I heard Billie's door open, and waited a few more minutes. The front door opened not too long after that, and I figured it was Adrienne going home. Now was the time for me to walk out of my cave and see my new friend. The one that I still had a hard time admitting I really did want in my life.

"Oh, Mike, you're here. How long have you been here?"

"I got here about half an hour ago. I figured I should get back before dark, so I did and figured you had a friend over here, so I hung out in my room."

"Oh yea, Adrienne was here... we were talking about some stuff."

"Like what?" I asked, already knowing.

"Just... life I guess. I'm not sure how to say it, but I guess her and I are friends again."

"And you weren't before?"

"Well yea, but I think she's going to be around more often, like she used to a while ago. We were real good friends until she started to slowly change and not talk to me as much."

"Why are you telling me all of this?" I asked, not trying to sound rude. He just started to tell me more than I asked for.

"Figured you'd like to know that I won't be bothering you as much."

"Who says you're a bother?" I asked, feeling a little sad that he'd assume that.

"You always have something to do and well, I don't seem to be included, so I found something else to do while you're busy."

"Yea. Having sex?" I thought to myself. "I'm not that busy," I defended.

"Are you mad at me for having a friend other than you?" Billie asked, sounding a little sarcastic. He never joked around with me like that before. Maybe I had influenced him a little...

"Never mind, man. I'm glad you have your friend back." I faked a smile.

"Thanks," Billie said with a smile. "If you need me I'll be up in my room. I'm working on some songs on my guitar."

"Okay," I told him as he walked up the stairs. I sat on the couch in front of the t.v. wishing he could've trusted me more, enough to tell me things, like what he just did.

I couldn't help this feeling I had, almost like I was mad at him, but not really him exactly. Like I so badly wanted to rewind time and knock on his door before he did what he did. Ruin their moment like his mom did last time. How could I dare do that though? Billie deserved a good time, and if it's what he had with his 'friend', then I should let it go.

I couldn't though. I was avoiding it from the get go, this feeling, but I had to admit that I was jealous. Why? I couldn't figure it out. There was just obviously something more to myself than I knew.

Like there was something I couldn't admit.

Something inside of me wanted to get out. Something I wanted to tell someone, or even tell myself. I could easily guess, I just wasn't ready to go there.

Instead of thinking about it, I grabbed the bass Billie had got me and started to play what I remembered. It was some stuff I made myself, and I forgot how I couldn't exactly play without a pick. Now Billie was going to get his way.

"Hey, Billie?" I said as I knocked on the door.

"Yea?" I heard him call back.

"I uh... I need something."

He opened the door quickly. "What do you need?"

"A pick."

His face lit up, just as I predicted and I couldn't help but to smile back. "You're finally playing it?"

"Yea... I got bored enough."

"How about we... play together?"

Billie was finally getting his way, and this time I didn't feel obligated. I actually wanted to. "Sure." I said, and like that, he grabbed his guitar, two picks, and raced down to his garage with me.