Like a Demon

Jayne woke with the worst headache she could have imagined, to the sound of “gentle” knocking at her hotel room door. The sound cut through her like a chainsaw, letting her physically feel each repetitive noise against the wood. She groaned and rolled over, only to trigger the sound of another groan.

“Kyo!” she gasped, regretting it at once with the way her head was spinning from jumping up like that.

“You didn’t want to be asleep alone.” He explained quietly, growling at the annoyance that the person on the other side of the door was creating.

“Thanks.” She smiled before burying her face in the nearest pillow to her to block out light and sound.

Finally Kyo had had enough of the constant knocking, and threw one of his shoes at the door before mimicking her actions, the only difference was he pulled the blanket over his head as well.

“Can I join you? It’s cold in here.”

He grunted and lifted the blanket a little for her to pull over herself, just in time for their managers to come storming into the room with Karou and Drew behind them, while Ray whined in Shinya’s arms for his Mama in the doorway, wanting to know why she and Kyo were sick.

“I told you, NO RELATIONSHIPS, Jayne!” Robert scorned, pulling the blanket off of her, but all he managed was encouraging her to cuddle into the back of Kyo’s shoulder for warmth.

He didn’t know what was being said to Kyo, as it was in Japanese, but his manager didn’t sound too thrilled either. Kyo groaned and turned more towards Jayne in an attempt to escape the noise.

“Damn it, Robert, we aren’t fucking!” Jayne shouted finally, turning to give Karou and Drew a look that could kill before beginning a conversation Robert couldn’t understand.

“You, you know me better than that, damn it! You know that I am not like that! What the fuck, Andrew?!” she demanded, but turned to Kaoru before he could answer, “And, with as much respect as I have, or had, for you, I cannot believe you would make such quick judgments! At least respect YOUR friend, and band member, and treat him like the GROWN ADULT HE IS!”

“Jay, please let me-” Drew tried, but was silenced by a pillow hitting him in the face.

“Shut the fuck up, Andrew.” She spat in English before storming out of the room, and down the hall, pushing Die, Ray, and Shinya out of her way before slamming her bedroom door as hard as she could.

“Well, what did I tell you? Did you listen to us, Robert? No! Now look, chances are, she’s only going to speak to us on stage for the rest of the tour, because you’re an asshole!” Drew ranted at his manager, while Kyo attempted to sleep through it until his manager insulted Jayne, calling her nothing more than a fan-whore.

“ENOUGH!” Shinya shouted suddenly, making everyone jump, “Please, enough! We all know Kyo and Jayne-chan are not like that. Jayne-chan was hurt by something, and needed comfort last night. Kyo was only being a friend to her, and taking care of her! You all act as though they are committing some unforgivable sin, when they were only being friends to one another!”

“What did he just say?” Robert asked Drew, who was shaking his head at the aggravated drummer in front of him. “He says, we’re all dickheads, Robert.” He sighed before turning back to Shinya.

“WE, Karou, me, you, we didn’t say ANYTHING like that. THEY did! So, DON’T Try to pin this on us as if we’re the ones doing wrong, Shinya!”

For ten minutes, the musicians and managers argued, none of them noticing the hung over Japanese singer sneaking out of the room and into one down the hall, far enough away for some amount of silence.

“I want to jump out of that window.” Jayne laughed, holding a cold rag to her face.

“I want to throw them out of that window. Why kill us? They’re the problem.” He muttered, once again hiding in the bed.

“They’re worried about us. Let me guess, your manager was mostly just pissed off because you got trashed last night?”

“I stopped drinking, yeah. He was also mad because it was YOU who got me to drink, and YOU who was in my bed when they came in.”

“Yeah… I stopped drinking too, when Ray was born. But, this tour has been hell for us both. Stressful dates, crazy fans on your part, stage fright on my part, taking care of Ray, Ray wanting your attention as much as he wants mine, singers who piss us off.” She sighed, laughing at the last reason to drink.

“You haven’t really pissed me off since the night Karou wanted to kill us.”

“Oh, you mean when Ray kicked your ass?” she smirked, feeling a little better after taking some meds for her hang over.

She expected him to get angry, but instead he laughed, “The fans can’t know about that. I hear the word ‘Kawaii’ enough without that being known.”

“Secret’s safe with me.” She nodded, “I’m not asking permission this time. This is MY bed.” She added while climbing in beside him and snuggling close to his warm body.

“Fucking regret giving him that key.” She muttered into his neck as Robert stormed into the room.

“Really?” he demanded, noting the way they were wrapped around each other.

“Really. It’s COLD in here Robert!” she laughed as she and Kyo got out of bed and joined their bands in the hallway.

Mei had taken Ray for a bath, leaving him absent from seeing his mother punch Toshiya in the face after yet another argument broke out. This time, it was because he was commenting on her being a whore for Kyo, and ignoring her crying child. Which she had, when Shinya was holding him he was crying for her, and she didn’t even look at him.

Karou, Drew, and Shinya ended the fight, leaving Kaoru holding Toshiya back, Drew standing in the middle of them, and Shinya holding Jayne as Die, Kyo, and Dex stood and watched.

“I’m going for some air. I’m sorry for all of this.” Jayne sighed finally, and left the guys.

“Okay, now, to explain what just happened?” Dex questioned, looking to Drew who nodded.

“Number one, never, NEVER, call Jayne a whore. She’s been through a lot and that word is not allowed. Two, she hasn’t been drunk in years. So, naturally, this is hell for her anyway without the stress of being yelled at by everyone around her. Three, you told her she couldn’t take care of her kid… I would have punched you too.” He announced, turning to Toshiya for the last explanation, “Now, to explain a little more of Jayne, and her reasons for acting like that, before you cast judgments against her that she is unable to be forgiven for, she’s had a very difficult life. You can’t expect me to give all the details, but Ray wasn’t made on purpose, or with full consent… he got her drunk, and took video of it. The only thing about all of that, which she doesn’t regret is Ray. When her parents found out that she was pregnant, they threw her out. She even told them what he did to her, and how it happened, but they didn’t believe that part. They wanted nothing to do with Ray or her after then.

“She stopped drinking after that and hasn’t been actually drunk since. The most she’s had is a little buzz here and there. She’s probably upset with herself more than she is with you, or us, because she not only drank so much, but she broke down. In more ways than one.”

“Covered everything?” Dex questioned. “Mostly.” He nodded, and walked down the hall side by side with him to get their swim trunks before heading to the pool.

“Did he say just now that Jayne-chan was… that Ray’s father forced her?” Shinya asked, wide eyed with horror, but no one could give him the answer. They were all as horrified as he was, and equally confused as well.

“Carl!” Die shouted, catching the translator out of the elevator before he could make it to his own room. “Yes?” he nodded, joining their group in the hallway before Karou suggested and moved everyone to his room for their little meeting.

“Ask Robert what happened to Jayne, with Ray’s father.” He ordered. Carl nodded and turned to Akuma’s manager before asking the question.

“No, no that’s not my position. I can’t tell you any of that, I’m sorry. I know what you’re all thinking if Drew hinted about it, and that’s not really it. I wouldn’t call what happened to her ‘rape’” he frowned, shaking his head, “I’m very sorry. You’ll have to forgive me for being unable to share that.”

“Did he hurt her?” Shinya asked after receiving Carl’s translation.

“Yes, very much. I will say that. He left her alone with a baby, for god’s sake! That would hurt anyone!”

“Robert, did he HURT her though? What did he take from her, what did he do to her? We want to know… I want to know!” Kyo pushed.

Robert sighed and shook his head again after Carl translated with a look of pure confusion. “I’m sorry. Just give her some space. Don’t act like anything’s changed, because it hasn’t. She’s the same woman who started this tour with you. The same one who leapt off the stage a few nights ago into a mosh pit, and the same one who screamed with you last night.” He frowned, and left the room after giving another apology.

“Please, forgive me for asking, what is wrong with Jayne?” Carl pleaded, worried that she was in danger, or ill.

“Nothing is wrong with her, Carl. She’ll be all right.” Karou sighed, taking in the look of pure regret that graced his manager’s face from the things he said to and about the troubled American woman who sat in tears somewhere in the hotel.

They didn’t know that she had chosen the rooftop as her safe haven, or that she was standing so dangerously close to the edge that when the wind blew she was nearly pushed off. Tears dropped down to the sidewalk stories below like raindrops as she tried to make sense of her life. Was she truly unfit to take care of her son? Would his life be better if he were to have a different mother, one who would not ignore him after sleeping with a rock star, when she should have been taking care of him instead? They weren’t the only ones who saw her unable to raise Ray. Many, many people thought she should have given him up the day he was born. Perhaps they were right. Mei could take care of him, as well. Better than she could, since she had taken responsibility for him after she left Kyo’s room.

She cried for another hour, leaning farther over the edge and putting her head down until all it would take was another few inches to send her plummeting to her death. It only took those few more inches to make her mind up. The only people who would even feel for her death for a moment would be her band. They could find another singer, and her son was so young that he would forget her after getting a new mother.

More and more thoughts swam in her head, pushing her another inch. “I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, leaning another inch.

“I’m so, so, sorry.”

Another inch.

“Please forgive me…”

Another inch… one more.

“Oh god!” she gasped, changing her mind and waking up in that last inch. What was she thinking to end her life over something so stupid? But it didn’t matter now, she was falling over the edge in slow motion, to a painful, and hopefully quick at least, death.

Shinya grew tired of listening to everyone talking with Kyo about his night with Jayne. He would never admit to them that a part of him hated his friend for having that connection with her. For being the one she turned to for such comfort, when he saw her as nothing more than he would see his fellow band members. Shinya, however, felt much more for her. Ever since that night when they first met, he was drawn to her. He hoped beyond hope that she would be at the music shop when they went to return the birthday card, and was elated to find that the phone number Carl had given him that night was to her phone.

He felt ashamed for his unkind thoughts for Kyo, and sought to find a place to clear his head. The only place he could go for silence, was the rooftop, where there would be no fans to see him should his jealousy break him. No band members to inquire to what he was feeling, or thinking. No Americans to remind him that their friend wanted nothing to do with him, or any other member of the band, as she wanted no relationships. And no children to drive his desperate want to know what happened to her, and why the father of her son hurt her so badly, and how.

As he pushed open the door to the roof, he felt his body go cold. He wanted to run to the edge of the building, and tell the woman before him that it was all right. To hold her tightly, and never let her go. Keep her away from the edge, away from falling. However, he was afraid to move, as if his movement would send her falling to her death.

She apologized once through her tears, and leaned farther. Again, and leaned even farther. She begged his forgiveness and leaned until she was hardly there at all. As he took his first quick steps towards her, she leaned the last little bit, and fell.

Tears streamed down his face as he ran the last steps to the edge, catching her by the shirt as she came to her senses. Instantly she grabbed onto his hand, sobbing harder than she had been before, and drawing blood as she dug her nails into his wrist to keep her from falling. “Jayne-chan!” he screamed in both pain and fear when she slipped, digging more into his wrist and cutting him until blood was dripping down from his arm onto hers.

“Shin… Shinya!” she cried, holding tighter as he used every bit of strength he had to pull her back to safety. The moment she fell into him, he backed away twenty feet at least from the edge of the building, and collapsed, crying out of relief, fear, and pain both physical and emotional as he held onto her for both her life and his.

“What were you thinking, Jayne-chan? Why would you do that?!” he demanded once they had both calmed down a bit. His fear was now turning to anger, though he didn’t mean it to be, and for once, she refused to fight back. She just buried her face in his shoulder the same way Ray did when he was trying to hide, and hoped he wouldn’t let her go. “Answer me, why would you do that?! Why leave us behind? Leave RAY?!” he pushed, still with tears in his eyes, hugging her tighter with the thought of her being gone forever.

“I d-don’t know, I’m sorry. When I fell over I changed my mind. I didn’t want to die anymore… I at first th-thought I was doing good, Shinya. Thought you all would want it.”

“Never! Never, Jayne-chan.” He sighed, leaning back until they were both just lying on the rooftop, holding each other.

“Shin-” Karou started after walking through the door to find him, but couldn’t find the words after the sight before him. Since neither Shinya nor Jayne heard him he could only clear his throat to make his presence known, unable to remember what it was he needed from his drummer at the moment.

“Kaoru,” Shinya muttered, not needing to look up to know that he was now standing over them. Jayne couldn’t bring herself to look up at him, or no let go of Shinya, and let the two of them converse without even paying attention to the words that were said.

Karou noticed the blood that stained both of their shirts, and that was still trickling down from Shinya’s arm, and knelt down to inspect it. “What happened?” he asked quietly, trying to piece together the reasoning for what was happening before him. “She was looking over the edge, to the city, and lost her balance. I came through the door as she slipped and fell.” He lied, flinching somewhat when Karou touched the skin around his injury.

“How did you get cut?”

“Her nails, when she was holding onto my arm to keep from falling. She was dangling over the side of the building… she almost died.”

“Shinya, you need to have this looked at and treated. And Jayne-chan, you need to get some rest.” He sighed, but was ignored by the American woman. “Jayne, look at me.” He ordered, gently brushing some hair from her face when she obeyed, “You’re all right. Go rest, you’ll feel better.” He smiled softly, helping both her and Shinya up at the same time. She just nodded and let Shinya support her as they walked back down the stairs to the elevators, so that they could rejoin their bands, unaware of his true feelings for her as he held her body close to his.

“Oh my god, she did?! Is she okay?” Mei demanded after Karou gave her, Die, Kyo, Toshiya, Dex, Drew, and Robert the reason she was so upset, and why Shinya was injured.

“He’s a hero. He saved her life, we have to do something to thank him.” Drew nodded, still in shock.

“Shinya won’t accept it.” Die laughed, “He won’t even admit to saving her life just now.”

“He did though. We’ll make him accept it.” Mei announced with tears in her eyes. The thought of losing Jayne, of Ray losing Jayne, it terrified her as she looked sadly at her door.

Jayne was lying on her bed texting Shinya, who was in a similar position in his room, while Ray cuddled beside her, softly singing his favorite lullabies to make her feel better.

“If you ever try that again, I will leave Dir en Grey, and never touch another drum again, Jayne-chan.”

“Shinya, I won’t. I don’t want that.”

“Then why did you try?”

“Because… I was upset and scared, but when I fell that last inch, everything snapped back to reality, and I can’t believe I ever wanted to jump in the first place.”

She received no reply.

“Shinya?”

“I’m sorry, Jayne-chan. I shouldn’t be angry with you. You don’t deserve anything like that. I should be there to hold and comfort you, instead of scolding you like a child who has broken a rule.”

“I wish you were here to hold me.”

After realizing what she texted, she tried like hell to cancel the send, but it was too late. She had said exactly what was on her mind, and regretted it instantly. Now he was going to think that she was in love with him. Drew already thought she wanted more than friendship from Shinya, and Dex expected her and Kyo to become lovers. Mei was still sure that she and Toshiya were going to hook up.

“I can if you want me there. My arm is bandaged, I’m only here to avoid Die.”

“He’s so mean to you, isn’t he? Hasn’t he been like that for years?”

“He has.”

“Come on then, we’ll hide you under the bed if he comes knocking. :P”

Shinya laughed and stood from his bed, quietly making his way from his room to hers, not bothering to knock before entering and seeing her and her son on the bed.

“Close your eyes, my Mama, toora, loora, li. Rest my pretty Mama, safe through the night. I’ll be here to hold you, toora, loora, li. A guardian to protect you, until morning’s light.” Ray sang as he walked in, rubbing her arm the same way she did for him when he couldn’t sleep.

“Shh! Mama’s sick!” he whispered after noticing the drummer’s presence from hearing the door click closed.

Shinya couldn’t help but to smile at them as Ray continued to take care of his mother, scooting over and letting him sit on the bed beside him as he crawled up to lay on top of her.

“Mama will be fine, baby. I’m just tired after last night.” She muttered, resting her arms around him as he started to rub her forehead with his little hand.

“Did you come to make Mama better, too?” he asked Shinya curiously, receiving a smile and nod as an answer.

“Good. She needs to be all better for the TV tonight. She is going to sing, remember? Mama can’t sing when she is sick. She needs soup!”

“Shh, this kind of sick can’t be fixed with soup. She needs quiet right now, and exactly the care you are giving her. You’re taking very good care of your Mama.” He nodded.

Ray nodded and snuggled back down, pulling on Shinya’s hand until he laid down too. “You help. Make her better faster.” He announced, receiving a quiet giggle from the drummer as Jayne fell asleep to the lullaby Ray started singing for the fourth time.