Swing Sets and First Kisses

Whether they will admit it or not, almost every little girl dreams of her first kiss. I used to be one of them. Back then I was young and naive enough to believe in fairy tales. I would lie in the damp summer grass, looking at the clear morning sky, and daydream of my own prince charming.

By the time I was eleven, I’d written my very own novel without ever picking up a pen. Thanks to my very vivid imagination, I’d covered every single detail. It would be at night under the colorful explosions of fireworks. If that wasn’t achievable then I would have settled for a nice garden, natural perfume of the roses acting as an aphrodisiac.

The one thing in my fantasy that always changed was the guy. When I was six years old he was hardly even in the daydream. In the following years, every time I’d develop a new crush that aspect of the daydream would change. Most times it only happened once a year, new school year bringing new classmates and all. But sometimes it would change in half a year.

When I was seven the “he” in my day dream was Dale. At the time he was object of every girl in the class room’s infatuation. Maybe it was the shaggy hair that hung over his eyes, or maybe it was just because he was a year older at the time. Thinking back now though, I’m pretty sure it was because he was rumored to have been held back because of excessive juice box stealing which resulted in not paying attention. By third grade though, I’d moved on.

Third grade brought all sorts of new experiences. Not only was the work a lot different but I was also one of the big kids on campus. Joshua was what you would call the prep of the class. He was the kid who wore only wore clothing from Gap. This was significant in our small town because the nearest Gap was three hours away. We all knew that he was destined to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a doctor; career day confirmed our suspicions.

Fourth grade was a whole new ball game. A new school meant that I was back at the bottom of the food chain. The biggest change though was a guy name Cody. He was a fifth grader who took his skateboard everywhere. It was the first time that I liked a guy in a higher grade level than I was.

Fifth grade I reverted back to a guy in my grade. His name was Troy and he was actually a good friend of mine. That summer we spent almost every day at the park. He taught me how to roller skate and it was incorporated into my daydreams.

Middle school brought forth a new era; different classes meant that I had several crushes at a time. Sixth grade I continued to daydream though. By seventh grade, however, the daydreams disappeared. They were replaced with homework, dance classes, and a real social life. The best thing, and pretty much the only thing, to come out of eighth grade was my best friend; a girl named Amy who was a social butterfly trapped mid-food chain.

Then came high school. My freshman year I was too busy to have any real crushes. I’d skip around but it was mostly limited to actors and musicians, the completely unattainable ones, which kept me from trying to impress anyone.

My sophomore year changed all of that. At first I thought he was a new student because I’d never seen him before. Later I discovered that we’d gone to different elementary schools and had different classes in middle school. From the moment that I saw Jake I was captivated.

I'm a senior now and not much has changed. I haven’t had a new crush since the day that my eyes first took notice of him. The worst part is that I don’t have the courage to make a move. So here I am, stuck with a hope that I’ll never act on.

“Marie, are you listening to me?” Amy asked. She was holding a curling iron in one hand and a palette of eye shadow in the other.

Her master plan was my worst nightmare, which for us was pretty typical. While I had agreed to have a party, I had not agreed to let her play barbie with my face. A spring break party had sounded like a good idea at the time but now I wasn’t so sure.

“Of course. I just don’t think that this is a good idea. Please just let me get ready by myself,” I said, hoping that she would listen for once.

An almost diabolic smile spread across Amy’s face. Had I thought all of this through more thoroughly this morning I wouldn’t have been in this situation. The only time that Amy asked if she could come over early was if it involved hair and make up.

“Well you want to be impressive right?”

“It is a house party, Amy, not a ball. I’d rather just look like myself. Besides, who would I try and impress?” Without waiting for her reply, I fell backwards onto my bed. They always say the best way to save yourself is to play dead and I thought it might apply here too.

“Face it already. So far you have avoided relationships altogether. This means one of several things. It could mean that you fear commitment, or that you are scared of getting hurt. It could mean that you fear rejection. But the most likely answer is that you like someone but haven’t made a move to let them know you do. So tonight you are going to make a big impression!”

I loved Amy like a sister, I really did, but sometimes she drove me insane. When I told her about the party two weeks ago I’d hoped she would let everything go. Half of the time she would just let me be myself, the other half she would help me make an impression, as she called it.

“Just let it go,” I said, ready to scream in frustration.

I heard her sigh and fall into my beanbag chair. If there was anything left to do downstairs then I would have asked her to go do it. There was nothing left to do downstairs besides get the refreshments ready, but it was still too early to do this.

Three hours later and I was miserable. The party was in full swing and Amy was bouncing from once guest to another, complimenting each of them in some way. As she enjoyed the party in the living room, I sat on the island in the kitchen, watching through the doorway.

Secretly I’d been hoping that Jake would show up. I’d made sure to invite him as soon as I knew I was having the party. It was almost an hour into the party and pretty much everyone that had been invited had already showed up, so I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to come.

Another reason that I was unhappy was because I’d surrendered to Amy. She had curled my hair, done my make up, and picked out my outfit. Of course now it didn’t really matter. The first reason that it didn’t matter was because I was in here instead of in the middle of the party. The second reason was because he wasn’t going to come.

I had just pulled out my cell phone when I heard a knock at the front door. If I hadn’t seen Amy running towards the door then I would have went to answer it myself. When she pulled the door open a smile finally crept onto my face.

Even from my spot I could see his blue eyes. He towered over Amy’s small fairyesque frame, looking down at her as she happily babbled on. I couldn’t even begin to guess what she had said, but suddenly his blue eyes lit up and he laughed.

As she stepped aside so that he could actually come in, I silently prayed that he wouldn’t look my way. I could guess what I would have looked like to him. The lonely girl, sitting in the room next to the party practically moping. Sure, I was dressed appropriately for the party, but I was sitting alone. Better yet, I was sitting alone and avoiding my own party.

“Are you going to join us?” Amy asked, popping into the doorway.

Her face was almost animated; the green eyes of my best friend were practically glowing with happiness. She even sounded a little out of breath, no doubt from all the talking she had done. These were situations that she loved the best; the times when she could truly be a social butterfly.

“In a little while. This seemed a lot more fun in thought to me. I just need some time alone for now. I promise that I’ll be out in a few minutes.” I brushed the curled, black strands of hair back behind my ear. It was a habit that I had developed long ago. Sometimes I did it when I was nervous, other times when I was lying, but it was always done without thinking about it.

She just nodded and returned to the party. For this, I was extremely thankful. On the down side, now I would have to join the party sometime soon. The plus side was that for the moment I was alone again. Of course, there was also a down side to being alone; it gave me too much time to think.

For almost fifteen minutes I remained in the kitchen. Every so often Jake would end up in my line of sight, and that was enough for me. But that changed when I saw Shelly approach him.

I had sort of known Shelly since first grade. We had always been classmates, acquaintances you might say, but we’d never been friends. She was a nice girl and had never actually done anything to me, we just weren’t friends. I wasn’t sure why but there was just something about her that annoyed me.

So naturally, when I saw her flirting with the guy that I liked the jealousy boiled. Without waiting for my brain to weigh the pros against the cons, I hopped down from the island and dove right into the party. My sudden entrance was enough to make everyone turn to look, including Jake.

Figuring it was best to act while I had his full attention, I waved directly at him. He turned to Shelly and said something that looked a lot like “I’ll see you later,” and then turned towards me.

“I was beginning to think that you weren’t gonna show,” I said as he stood face to face with me.

“I got caught up at home. Seems like I missed a really great beginning for this one.” He commented, quickly glancing around the packed room.

“Other than Amy’s social butterfly act, you haven’t really missed anything out of the ordinary. Do you want something to drink? Because there's some soda in the fridge that is still cold.”

“Yeah, that’d be awesome.”

With a smile and a small nod, I turned to go back into the kitchen. I wasn’t sure how, but I could hear him following me even over the loud music. Once in the kitchen, I reached into the cabinet for two glasses.

“So why were you hanging out in here?” Jake asked, leaning against the island.

As I opened the refrigerator I said, “Honestly? I have no idea. I mean it’s my party, it was my idea, and it is in my house so I should be out there in the middle. But I just didn’t feel like being in the middle of anything tonight.”

As I handed him one of the glasses he just nodded. If I wasn’t so afraid of rejection this might have been the perfect time to tell him that I liked him. But alas, I did fear rejection so I kept my mouth shut.

“Jake?” Shelly’s voice suddenly broke the silence. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“Marie, where the hell are you?” And there was Amy.

“Yeah?” He looked over at Shelly, who I was sure was standing beside Amy in the kitchen doorway.

“Do you think I could talk to you for a second?” As Shelly spoke, Amy was peaking around the corner to look at me.

“I’ll be right there,” Jake replied before looking at me, “and I guess I’ll see you later on?”

Without plastering on the fake smile, I nodded my head. It was possible that I would see him later. That was if Shelly didn’t hold him hostage all night though. As the two of them left the room, Amy filled the empty space with a look of suspicion on her face.

She knew that I didn’t particularly like Shelly. We’d established that soon after we became friends. The only reason that she had even been invited was because she and Amy were pretty good friends. “I can’t stand your friend,” I said, hopping onto the kitchen counter.

Although it bugged me to no end that she never left Jake alone that wasn’t the reason. As I said before, there was just something about that chick that bugged me. Of course Amy had spent years trying to convince me that if I just got to know her then we’d all be friends. Like many other times though, Amy was completely wrong.

“Why? She is really nice and she is an extremely loyal friend.” Amy walked over to stand exactly where Jake had been.

‘Yeah, and she is also boarder-line desperate for attention. Practically all she does is flirt with and follow him around,’ I thought. Instead of hurting her feelings with my true thoughts I reminded her of her own version of Shelly. “For the same reason that you don’t like my second cousin. Something about her just annoys the crap out of you. You have to face it Amy, Shelly and I never have and never will be friends. Just go enjoy the party.”

Once I was alone again, I looked towards the sliding glass door. The backyard was dimly lit with a combination of the moonlight and small solar lights that were scattered around, but it looked fitting against the wooden fence. In the middle of the dimly lit yard was the center of my fondest childhood memories.

With the first genuine smile of the night, I hopped off of the counter and walked towards the glass door. Before I stepped out, I was careful to make sure that no one was watching. This particular trip down memory lane was something that I always had to be alone for.

Directly in the center of our back yard was a swing. Its frame was wooden, barely weathered. The seat of the swing was a thick black rubber, like that you find on the swings of a playground. Thick chains connected the seat of the swing to the frame and were still completely rust free.

Without thought, I ran my hands down the cold chains. Lowering myself into the rubber seat, I let out a soft sigh. This was the swing I’d been playing on since I was 6. It was the only place in the backyard where I wouldn’t spend my days thinking about that magical first kiss.

I was so wrapped up in the memories the swing brought back, gently swing back and forth with my eyes shut, that I didn’t notice the company I had. “Is this homemade?”

I opened my eyes and saw Jake standing in front of me. He was standing about six feet away, which was good because any closer and I might have hit him. The look that adorned his face was one of complete ease. In a way it was refreshing to see someone that was so at calm standing so close.

“Yeah,” I said, tightening my grip on the chains. “my dad made it. It was one of the last major things that we did together.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” He moved to the side of the swing as he spoke.

Looking up towards the night sky, I said, “I thought everyone at school knew. He died when I was 7 and a half.”

“I knew that part; I’ve just never heard how it happened. If you don’t feel comfortable telling me anything then I get it, I won’t push.”

“It was a business trip. He had a big meeting in Seattle that week. He was on the plane home when one of the engines blew up. It brought the plane down and he was killed in the crash. We built this a just a little over a year before it happened. He always used to say it would save from going to the park everyday and I could swing higher on it than the public ones. It’s anchored down so well that it never wobbled. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like it is my own anchor to those memories and it’s my way to be close to him.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid. At least to me it doesn’t. I’m really sorry that you lost him when you were still so young.”

“I got used to it a long time ago. But thanks anyway,” I said, kicking my legs a little higher, “shouldn’t you be with Shelly?”

He chuckled and looked upwards. His arms were now crossed against his chest, but he still looked very comfortable. “I keep hearing that you don’t like Shelly but no one knows why. And I actually ran away. She is a nice girl and all but she talks way too much.”

“I don’t like her. It isn’t like I hate her or anything, I just don’t like her. And before you ask there isn’t a reason why I don’t like her. There is just something about her that annoys the hell out of me. And the reason that she doesn’t shut up and she follows you around so much is because she likes you.”

For several minutes neither of us said anything. The music and yelling from inside the house could still be heard, and a neighbor’s car alarm was going off at the end of the street, so it wasn’t exactly silent. But in an odd way it was very relaxing. It could have been that way because of the cool air or because I had company that was just as relaxed as I was, either way I didn’t care.

Finally, Jake moved from beside the swing to in front again. He reached out and grabbed the chains of the swing without a word, bringing me to a complete stop. He still looked calm though so I knew nothing was wrong.

“What exactly are we, Marie? We’ve had the same classes since sophomore year; we talk in the hallways, on the phone, and through text message. We attend most of the same things but we never actually hang out. It is like we are stuck in a place between a real friendship and two people who just know each other.”

“I don’t know what we are.”

“Well I don’t think that we should be either of those,” He said, a mischievous smile creeping onto his perfect lips.

I was just about to ask what he thought we should be when I realized what was happening. He was leaning down towards me. For that moment, nothing else was running through my mind. Everything was becoming cloudy except for the fact that he was coming closer to me.

Within seconds his face was inches from mine. The smile was still on his face, the sparkle in his eyes matching perfectly. Suddenly it faded from both his eyes and his smile. It was replaced with something that I didn’t recognize; maybe it was anticipation or maybe not.

Then it finally happened. His soft lips pressed firmly against mine. For a fourth of a second, I completely froze up, unable to move or think. But as soon as I pulled myself together I began to kiss him back.

It was nothing like I’d dreamed of when I was little. There was no rose garden, no fireworks overhead, the breeze had stopped completely and there was noise from the party inside my house. But it was so much better, so much more perfect, than I had ever dreamed of.

Until I felt myself tipping backwards. Being so caught up in the moment I had forgotten to keep my balance so the swing would stay steady. By the time I felt myself beginning to tip backwards it was already too late. In less than a second my lips were violently detached from Jake’s and I was flailing backwards.

I landed flat on my back with my legs still hooked on the seat of the swing. Before I even opened my eyes I mumbled a small “Ow.”

When I did open my eyes I saw Jake leaning over to look at me. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Embarrassed but not hurt.”

It was at this moment that the amusement took over for both of us. First he started laughing uncontrollably, which proved to be contagious. It was at least two minutes before either of us could bring ourselves to stop.

“Here, let me help you up,” He said, extending his hand towards me.

With a thankful smile, I reached out to take it. Now I just had to get up without falling and taking him with me.

“Well at least it will make a fun story to tell,” Jake said, still chuckling about my earlier fall.

“Shut up,” I said, throwing an arm over my face.

The party was finally settling down inside. We could now hear people calling out good-byes and leaving the house. Even the music was being turned down a little at a time. It wouldn’t be long until everyone was gone.

We hadn’t returned to the party after the failed kiss. Instead we stretched out in the grass. It had only been around forty minutes but it felt like hours. There was nowhere that I’d rather be, even if it was mostly small talk.

“I can’t help it! You fell off a swing.”

“During my first kiss better yet.”

“Well after that experience I think we sort of have to be more than just friends.”

“I’d like that. A lot.”

I heard him sit up so I opened my eyes. By the time my eyes had adjusted he was hovering over me. He was smiling again, which only made me that much happier. “And now there is nothing that you can fall off of,” He said.

And without another word, he once again pressed his lips against mine. Except this time I didn’t fall off of the backyard swing set.