Hopefully It's Forever

Feeling groggy when I opened my eyes, I felt another warm body next to mine. My eyes peered over to see if what happened last night really happened. Blinking slowly, sitting on my elbows looking down at Travis half naked.

I couldn't help but feel a wave of regret crash through me when I saw him laying there in his sleep. It broke my heart to have slept with him when I had no intentions to do so when I walked with him to this shed.

~~~~~~~~~

Feeling hot and heavy as his whole body consumed me, covered in lust and want that I had for him for so long. When I gazed into those hazel eyes and grabbed a fistful of curly brown hair as I reached my peak. I couldn't help but groan "Darren"

His whole body froze when he realized the name I called out wasn't his but the man who I confessed to Travis that I loved. He tore his body away from me in haste, looking at me in disbelief asking me what I just said.

My mind went a million miles per hour to come up with an excuse but once I opened my mouth, I was completely and utterly speechless. Sitting up instantly, avoiding his burning gaze I got dressed and breathed in a bit.

Turning back around smiling at him while he held a confused yet hurt look on his face as he asked me the same question again. I shrugged "I don't know what your talking about, I said your name. No one else so please don't be insecure by accusing me that I said someone else name"

Curling my body on his, pressing it downwards to have him lay flat on his back. I mumbled "Let's just go to sleep. I'm tired" I heard him sigh "Only if you promise me that we will talk about this in the morning"

I nodded and held onto him a bit tighter "I promise" I whispered into this chest, feeling my body relax on top of his.

~~~~~~

Getting up from my previous position, I dusted my clothes off while walking out of the shed and into the house. Still looking at the stain that my shirt has gotten, I scrubbed it harshly to see if it would come out but it wouldn't.

Sighing in frustration as I heard someone clear their throat, body frozen stiff looking up to see one of my best friends. Hazel eyes meeting my brown ones, heart drumming hard in my rib cage as he raised a brow.

Waving awkwardly "Mornin' Greg" He nodded and leaned on the counter asking "Why did my aunt Debbie drop off Senna at my house? Not that I minded but was just wondering what you were doing"

I felt his eyes roam over my figure "Now I see why" he stepped towards me "What were you thinking? Having sex with Travis when you know you have feelings for Darren? Do you know how this is going to devastate him that your sneaking out when he's asleep?" with authority in his voice.

Feeling ashamed and I looked down at my worn out black shoes "You don't understand, I want to avoid that confrontation. It wasn't my intention to sleep with him, it just happened-"

"Meaning it was a mistake then?" Greg cut me off, he grabbed my shoulders. "This isn't like you, what's going on Rayne?" My shoulders trembled under his touch, feeling disgusted with myself.

Shrugging his hands off my shoulders "Where's Senna?" Hugging myself I looked around to see if my nine year old daughter was around. "She's in the car, sleeping" I nodded and bolted out the door before Greg could give me another lecture.

I was tired of people asking me what was going on with me, I knew my closest friends knew that something was going on with me but didn't press it. Yanking the car door open, Senna's eyes opened up.

Rubbing her eyes "Mama?" I grabbed her and set her on the ground asking if she could walk. Once she gave the okay, I grabbed her hand walking fast towards my car. "Where are we going? Where's uncle Greg? I thought I was going to play with Pastrami today?"

"We're going home, your not going to be hanging around Travis for quite a while" she pouted and whined asking why she wasn't going to see Travis. "Mommy and Travis had a fight, we just need some space from each other, okay?"

Senna's forehead creased with worry "What happened? Can't you just apologize to each other and everything will be alright?" Starting the car and peeling out the of driveway "No, we can't. It's going to take more than just a sorry to be friends again"

Senna's brown eyes got watery as she looked out she window. She sniffled as tears rolled down her cheeks as she crossed her arms. As I drove all the way home I couldn't help but have those four words ringing in my ears.

"I love you Rayne"

My heart was ripped seam by seam as he looked so hopeful that I would say it back too. But I just couldn't, even though what we did was amazing and indescribable I couldn't bring myself to say those three words to him.

Every time I hear Travis' name or see his face in person or on TV, another seam becomes undone in my heart as it painfully bleed to have lied to him so many times. To go behind everyone backs to have the one person I promised myself that I would never go back to.

I kept a groan when I saw the familiar car sitting in my driveway as I saw Darren leaning against his car. He saw me and waved and waved at Senna but his smile turned into a frown from his unresponsive daughter.

He walked towards Senna's side and opened the car door, holding out his arms "Senny! I missed you princess! Where's my hug?" Watching the two interact, Senna stayed inside the car head turned away from us.

Darren dropped his arms and leaned closer to her "I came to pick you up. You ready?" Senna glanced at me and then towards her father. She nodded and slid out of the car, and walked closer to Darren as we walked inside to get her things.

Darren grabbed her bag and put it in the trunk as I kneel in front of Senna looking straight into those chocolate brown eyes "Be good with daddy okay? Don't give him attitude" I said softly. It seemed like it went right threw her and she gave me an empty hug and went straight to Darren.

She climbed into his car as he turned to me with a smirk "Aren't I the greatest father?" I rolled my eyes and leaned forward "Just because you have been a good father to her recently doesn't make you the greatest father. You have to stick to it"

Holding his hands up in mock surrender "Woo there firecracker. What has gone up your behind lately?" Squinting his eyes a bit and I squirmed in discomfort under his intent stare, he smirked a bit "You got laid, didn't you?"

I gulped and ran my tongue across my teeth as he laughed a bit "Oh Rayne, if you think I mind. I don't. It just adds to our facade to everyone and no one would expect a thing. Good job Rayne" he patted my shoulder.

My heart sunk, it hurt me that he didn't care that I slept with someone else. I wanted him to care and get upset that he wasn't the only one I was having sex with. Feeling dirty because not only am I sleeping with an engage man who is the father of my child but also a man that loves me deeply.

I think he does, since he confessed it to me last night. Pushing those feelings aside I just stood there and asked "When are you bringing Sen back home?" He told me that he was going to bring her tomorrow because it was Sophie's idea to have Senna over to have dress measurements done for the wedding.

"Something about also baking cookies and such while they have fitting for the dress she wants Senna to wear. She wants her to be the flower girl for the wedding, if that's alright with you."

I agreed that it was a good idea as he turned I asked "Are you really going to marry her?" His hand stopped reaching for the handle as he turned his head "Of course, I do love her." My blood boiled and I stepped closer to him "If you love her then you wouldn't be sleeping around with me."

He sighed "Rayne, I do have feelings for you still. I am aware of that, what do you want me to do? Leave her?" I paused for a minute as he asked that simple question to me, do I want him to leave her?

In my heart, a part of me wants him to leave her so he can be with me but another part of me doesn't want to get in the way of their marriage. Holding my hand "Look, I love you Rayne. Let's just take this one step at a time okay?"

Nodding my head "I love you too" I said with ease. Darren smiled at me and got into the car, driving away from my house. It killed me that I could say those words to Darren who has hurt me in all ways possible but I couldn't tell Travis who would probably treat me better than any man I could ever be with.

My heart split in two imagining that it would have been better and made my whole life a lot more simpler if I have never met Travis.