Hopefully It's Forever

That single word rang in my ears repeatedly. ‘Bullshit’ I can’t believe that he would think that I wouldn’t mean a word that I said. Pouring my entire heart and soul out to him and he just slaps me in the face. That’s not what I wanted to hear from him.

Hanging up the phone as I looked around frantically for anything that can help calm my crazy heart that seems to not want to stop beating in agony. Nothing was working to ease the pain that resided in my soul, it was a scar that only Travis could heal himself but I know he wouldn’t.

For the next couple of weeks I have been contacting people left and right asking where Travis was exactly so I can talk to him in person. I needed him to know that I was serious about what I said, that I did love him and no one else.

Calling everyone from Andy, Jolene, Tommy, Eric and Special. They all gave me a sympathetic look, well almost all of them and told me that they couldn’t give me the information that I wanted. Slamming the phone down when I ended a conversation with Jolene.

I thought she would help me out in a sense but what she said really hit me in the gut. ‘I think you need to give Travis time. Your rushing into this, he just found out that you were sleeping with Darren. He’s still heartbroken and he needs to come to grips with himself before he faces you again.’

She was somewhat right, but still knowing Travis he wouldn’t face me any time soon. I wanted to fix things as quickly as possible because what if he ponders on it too much and realizes that he doesn’t love me. That he doesn’t need me or want me.

That would devastate me more than what I have done to him. I decided to hand over Senna to her father to have her for a couple of days before him and Sophie went on their honeymoon. Well Sophie wanted to spend some time with her so I obliged.

Pressing on Travis’ contact again as it popped up so I can text him instead of calling him. Right in the middle of my text I froze. Jolene’s words formed in my mind once again and I deleted the text I was going to send to him.

If I love him as much as I do, then I should give him space. As much space as he wants and if he comes back wanting to have a chance for a relationship then I can decide what I want. I wanted to lie to myself that I would give him time to think things over but I didn’t want him to.

I wanted him.

Now.

A rapid knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts as I blinked slowly trying to figure out who was knocking on my door this late at night. Glancing at the clock as it read 11:27 pm I walked to the door telling them I was coming.

Swinging the door open, I looked down to see the most horrific sight that I have ever seen in my life. Tears sprang into my eyes at the sight before me, it was Senna. Her big brown eyes were begging me to help her, as they were red and puffy.

Her face was swollen as black blotches covered her skin from head to toe, blood trickled down her face as she weakly said, “Momma, help me.” Grabbing her I quickly put her inside as I dialed 911 as I frantically told them what happened.

They told me they would be there as soon as they could as I cried seeing my baby blacking in and out of consciousness. Holding her against me as I rocked her, soothing her as much as I could. I whispered “Who did this to you?”

Her small mouth open to give me an answer but she went limp as her head turned to the side. Checking her pulse on her neck, it was slowly beating. Just barely. Praying that the ablumance would come as fast as they could.

Seeing them from around the corner they quickly came up as they scooped up my nine year old daughter and put her on the stretcher. Climbing into the car with her as soon as I told them I was her mother, I held her hand as I saw them examining her.

They pushed her into a room where they examined her further as they told me that they would contact me when they were finished. My heart was pumping as I paced back and forth, I decided to call Sasha and Reya to keep me company while I waited.

They were both shocked when I sobbed into the phone but confirmed that they would come as fast as they could. Sitting in the waiting room as my knee bounced in anxiety, I jumped up when I saw my two best friends.

My lips parted in shock when I saw that the whole Nitro Circus crew trailed behind them as well as Debbie and Robert. Everyone was here except for Travis. I bit my lip as Debbie semi ran to me as she embraced me.

As soon she hugged me I started to break down, my words came out in broken sentences as I tried to explain to them what happened. Not knowing much myself it was only a couple minutes of explaining since it was so hard for me to express.

Then I saw my parents walking into the room, their faces were creased with worry making them look older than they already are. My mother’s eyes were teary eyed as my father held her when I told them what I knew.

I closed my eyes tightly as I tried to imagine Travis here with me, I would have thought he would be here but if he was out of the state or country. Wherever he is, I knew he probably wasn’t informed. As much as he loves Senna I wouldn’t contact him to drop everything to come here.

Thinking of my child, battered and bruised tears once again sprang into my eyes as I cried my heart out as we waited for the doctor to tell us if Senna was alright.