Hopefully It's Forever

Within the next several weeks, it has been the same routine for me, drop Senna off at school, go to work, and if I have time, see Darren. It has been getting harder and harder seeing Darren behind everyone back.

The tension and adrenaline I get for sneaking out to see him, reminds me when I use to do that when we were teenagers. But of course, that's how I ended up with Senna.

Constantly working on the dough to make sweet bread, Sasha has been a little edgy around me. She seems almost hesitant to talk to me at times. I had enough when I saw her blue eyes peer up at me in caution, then continued her focus on the batter.

"Sasha, is there something wrong?" I asked, still kneading the bread with my powdered white hands. She let out a nervous laugh "What makes you think that I assume something is wrong, except for the fact you have been distant lately, even with Travis"

I instantly stopped making the balls with the dough as I gazed up at her. Travis. I haven't spoken to him or even seen him these last several weeks. The last time I saw him was when he made me promise not to go back to Darren again.

Don't go back to Darren. Ever.

Those words still ring in my ears whenever I see or think about Darren. "I'm sorry that I have been distant with all of you, it's just.... I'm dealing with a lot and all of Darren's crap has finally caught up to me" I fibbed.

My heart stung in agony for lying to my best friend, this is all worth it, right? Darren's worth it. The more thoughts that processed through my head, the more I question if what I'm doing is the right thing. Sasha gave me a smile and accepted my apology.

"It's alright. I know how much of a dick Darren is" she laughed and I soon joined her to make it more believable.

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"Momma? Someones at the door" she yelled out. I looked out of the kitchen, giving Senna a questioning look, all she did was shrug her shoulders snuggling up to the pillow on the couch.

Wiping my hands on the apron, I walked towards the door and unlocked it. Seeing light brown curls under a red bull hat and lanky figure, with all smiles. "Travis?"

My heart pounded in my chest ready to burst at the sight of him. "Yeah. Ya miss me?" he joked, as he tightly embraced me "I missed you" he mumbled into my hair.

My face flushed a light pink as I embraced him back "I missed you too" Letting go, I smiled at his wonderful face, turning on my side to let him in "Please, come on in" As soon as he stepped in, a blur of black whizzed past me as I see Senna holding on to his waist.

"Pastrami! I missed you! Where have you been?" she asked excitedly. Her eyes shined so brightly, I was taken aback at her acting like she was. She only did that to Darren, Reya, Sasha, Greg, and I. That's not a lot of people considering I have a large family.

Travis laughed, ruffling her black ink hair "Missed you too kiddo. I thought I could drop by to see two of my favorite girls" Senna smiled even brighter than ever as my face turned a darker shade of red.

Senna pulled Travis by the hand rambling about what he missed within those last several weeks. Suddenly feeling like a fool at my attire, all covered in dirt, sweat, and dust. I headed up the stairs, calling out "I'm going to go change alright? Senna stay put" I ordered.

Senna gave me a salute as Travis smiled at me then his attention was soon on the nine year old that started her unstop rambling about her day. Once I walked into my room, closing it shut and locking it.

I felt a pair of hands on my waist, I let out a high pitched squeal, smacking whoever was behind me as they winced in pain, looking back I sighed in relief "Darren. What are you doing here?" I hissed quietly.

He rubbed the sore spot that I hit him as he pouted "I came all the way from my house to see you and this is what I get?" I rolled my eyes, pushing Darren near my window "As much as I want you here, you have to go"

Standing by the window, signaling him to get out. Darren ignored me, pressing his body on mine "Why" my breath hitched as I swallowed the lump in my throat regaining some of my sanity. "Because Senna and Travis are downstairs and I'm not going to deal with you when he's here"

Just about when Darren opened his mouth to say something, there was a light knock on the door. "Rayne? Is everything okay in there?" Shoving Darren near the window, arguing with him to leave when he tried to convince me to get rid of the kid.

"Travis is not a kid" he scoffed "Ray, compared to you and me, he is" he kissed my lips softly "See you later" he escaped right after Travis opened the door.

His brown eyes looking at me in question "Why aren't you changed yet?" I gave him a small smile "Didn't know what to wear" Travis walked straight across my room, opening my drawers "Oops. Wrong drawer" he muttered to himself.

I rolled my eyes, he probably pulled out the underwear drawer. He tossed a clean pair of shorts and a shirt to me "There, problem solved. Now go change" he sat on the bed waiting for me.

After I changed in the bathroom, I walked out putting my dirty clothes in the hamper. Travis' face got a little red, I raised an eyebrow at his reaction "What? Never seen a woman in shorts before?" I teased.

He cleared his throat "That's not it. It's just......... I've never seen you in such revealing clothing before" Trying to help him get over his embarrassment. I leaped into bed turning on the TV. "Where's Senna?" Travis joined me, laying down right next to me. "She went to bed. I guess all that talking wiped her out"

I laughed at his comment. I instinctively snuggled up to him putting one of my legs in between his as my head laid on his chest. I heard his heart beat faster as I stroked his chest. "I'm sorry" I muttered into his chest.

"What are you talking about" as he stroked my hair away from my face. I sighed deeply "For not seeing you these last several weeks. I'm a horrible friend" his hand trailed down to my back "I understand, your busy. I can't see you everyday even though I want to."

"Still. I should have made an effort to go see you" I lifted my face away from his chest as I looked into his honey brown eyes. I shivered at his touch when his hand touched the smooth skin on my back. His hand going under my shirt, making my breathing go a little uneven.

All these sparks, deep connection I had with Travis made my face lean closer. Soon realizing not seeing him for quite some time had made a huge impact on me. As our lips were just hovering over each other, Travis turned away.

My chest tightened at the rejection "We can't do this" my face painted over with sadness "Why not?" He whipped his head around "Because you get the boundaries, remember? We're just friends and I know you still love Darren so why try this now?" he said Darren's name with venom dripping from his voice.

Setting my head in the crook of his neck, I wanted to slap myself for saying those words. My arms tightened around his neck "Your right. Sorry" I breathed in his scent as his hand still layed beneath my shirt. I didn't want him to remove it so I kept my mouth shut.

It felt like it belonged there, it was rather comforting to be in his arms. I couldn't help but let a few tears fall on the pillow beneath me, thinking about how stupid I have fucked up my life so far.