Love This Pain

Ryder Sanders. Otherwise known as my best friends sister. She was something else. So different from all the other girls. I didn't know what it was but she had it. She had me. Every since my night with her I wasn't able to look at any other girl the same way. They were simply ugly or unattractive. I compared every aspect of any girl to Ryder. The way her blond and brown hair kind of just flowed over her shoulders. The way the colors of her tattoos stood out. How her clothes always seemed to fit perfectly to her body. She was perfect.

There she goes again. She dragged David Draiman (Disturbed's Lead Singer) into her hotel room with a wide smile spread across her face. He looked back at me with a smirk and winked. Yeah, he knew it was going to be good. She was the highlight of the whole tour. Every guy would brag about the night with her. There was constant arguments on who was wilder. Whenever these story's came up, I left. It's hard enough to know that your time with her was just another lay. It wasn't anything special to her.

"What the hell are you doing, man?" Matt asked as I looked from the guitar pick I was fiddling with.

I shook my head, looking back down at the pick. "Nothing." Matt and I both looked up at the sound of moaning.

He looked at me with confused eyes, pointing at the door. "Isn't that Ryder's room?" Matt asked.

"Uh," I paused. What the hell should I say? "No, I think her's is one door down." Please believe me.

"Oh, okay. Good, because I was about to go in there and beat someone's ass." He chuckled. I faked a laugh. Why was I lying to my best friend? He should know that his sister is sleeping with almost everyone here.

"We really got them going for you!" Corey (Stone Sour Lead Singer) said, coming off the stage with a towel. He wiped his face from all the sweat and sat backstage. I chuckled at his excitement. He made this tour really fun somehow. He brought a whole different life to it. Something we never had on our tours.

"Good luck, Syn." Ryder told me as she walked by. My emotionless face turned into a smile. She sat next to Corey and whispered something in his ear. The sides of his lips turned into a smirk. He stood up and set down his water. She took his hand and they went into the back room. That's when my smile fell from my face.

I really thought that me and her had something that night. She didn't just leave when we were done pleasing each other. She cuddled up next to me and we fell asleep. She hasn't done that with any of the other guys. She goes in, comes out a few minutes later.

Why the hell was I feeling like this? I could get any girl I want and forget about her the next day. I've done it before, why can't I do it now?

The show was really great. The fans were awesome and sang along with every song. Somehow, being on stage got rid of all my problems. It got rid of how Michelle cheated on me. How Ryder asks as if I don't exist. I felt secure on stage. It was where I wanted to be. I could be myself and act stupid yet everyone still loved me. Nothing changed it.

I gave my guitar to Dan. He went off and put it away. I sat on the couch that was set up in the back. There was a few fans backstage that had passes. I signed there things and took pictures. Jimmy sat next to me and smiled as Ryder came out of the back room.

"If I didn't have Leanna," He paused as she passed with a smile on her face. "I would totally go after her." He stated with a smile.

I shook my head. "Yeah." That's all I had to say.

"Have you been with her yet?" He nudge me.

I shook my head again. It was a big lie but the last thing anybody needed to know was that I was with her and I was falling for as she slept with different guys. It's like I love my heart all busted up.