Love In Paris

Unfortunately, I don't believe I have the will power to keep myself from being overpowered by this shower of emotions (kind of like when the snow just falls in thick flakes for about fives minutes). I am not the victim, however I feel so undermined, so forgotten. I had told him I had thought that I was pretty sure I'm falling in love with him, and although his response was something along the lines of "I understand that, I'm just not open about it." All I could do was just push it to the back of my mind that I even said those words, now a week later I realize I probably should have kept it to myself. I remember thinking that I'm such an idiot for telling him.

Just a couple days before this my best friend had told me he could no longer be my friend due to the fact that I could not love him the way he had wanted me to, and that all his attempts to show me that he was a good guy had gone to waste. I have now put Nick into that same position after letting myself slip up like this. I have no idea what he thought about it.

Unfortunately, I have found a safe haven in Nick, and I have let myself be completely taken over by him especially after those kisses. I can ask to breathe again, hell, I can even beg but my lungs are filled with mud. Mud that blinds me. I am seeing what's real, or just what Nick wants me to?

During the conversation after I had told him I thought I was falling in love, he told me he wasn't open about stuff, but does he realize he contradicted himself? He has told me numerous times that being the very open person he is has done nothing but get himself hurt in a lot of relationships.

Looking into the brick wall I sighed to stop the chaos inside my mind and my heart. I brushed my cold, nearly numb fingers against the brick, wondering beyond the chaos if I could melt away into it. The sky was completely covered, not even a remnant of a sun to heat the apples of my cheeks. I could even see my breath.

I think we both wanted to forget I had even said what I had because I had moved to another wall just to the side, and he had followed to lean against me and wait for me to kiss him again because in that small space of time it was his lips against mine we weren't even thinking about nothing but that. So of course I kissed him again...because I don't have the will power to say no to him, not when love is an act of blood and I'm bleeding a pool in the shape of a heart.