A Sunrise On the East Side

The next month passed by quickly. The summer had gone so slowly, and I was now convinced it was because I had wanted it to never end. I wasn't too thrilled with the fall though or much that had to go along with it this year. It felt like the days following the show hardly existed. My best friend was constantly over or dragging me over to his house. He thought everything for our trip needed to be thoroughly consulted over. With his high energy, he had me worn out in no time. Though the weeks seemed short and fast, they also felt like they were the length of years with how much I was doing.

I was beyond joyful that the trip was only a good eight hours away. In my mind, I still had so much to do. Really, I only had to send in all I had finished for the magazine and that was the easiest thing on my long list. Since I had been coerced into helping the -perfectly capable and more fashion forward- boys pack most of the week, I also had to do that for myself. Shawn had offered to return my generous favor. He had followed through on coming over and taking a few things from my closet. But now he was mostly lying on my bed, wasting time by sitting on my computer. I tried to keep my sighing and eye-rolling to a minimum, but it was starting to get tough.

I reached into the bag I had lying open on the floor, pulling out something random that had already gotten packed "What about this shirt?" I inquired, my tone pretty much spelling out irony as I raised the pair of cutoff shorts I had picked up to show him. I knew he wasn't paying attention and was really only doing this to humor myself to some extent.

He didn't even look up from the screen displaying some gossip website. It was like it was the one that had spoken and he was replying to it instead of me. "It's great. It'll go with the cutoffs I put in there earlier," he responded, pausing between words as he continued to be distracted by misfortunes and embarrassing stories of celebrities.

I stared at the pants a second before folding them and throwing them back down into the bag out of frustration. I couldn't even say now if he was messing with me or if he just had a lucky guess at what I had chosen. "Are you paying attention to me or not? Because now I'm confused, and it's only pissing me off more," I told him, going over to him and pushing the top of the computer down.

He followed it until it was closed the whole way, pouting up at me when he could no longer see anything. Clearly, he thought that I was going to have mercy on him if he played hurt enough. He had also forgot that I wasn't one to play nice when he ignored me. "Okay, yeah. I guess I'm kind of not," he replied truthfully, and sat up to sit against the wall. "Here's the deal. Answer one simple question for me, and I'll bashfully apologize like the cute little devil I am and get my ass off this bed to help you no problem," he promised like it might be a tough thing for me to do.
I let him see my eyes roll this time before I turned around to go back to the closet. "Whatever. Go for it," I prompted, listening for the inquiry more than noticing anything I was looking at. I was curious as to what question he was so desperate to know the answer to.

"Why exactly did you not tell Jack that we'd be in the same city as him at the same time?" Shawn questioned. From the way his words sounded, I knew he had an amused smirk on his face. Whatever pleasantries he was getting out of this, it didn't make sense.

I snorted. At this point, I didn't even want to give him the luxury of facing him to answer. "Because at the time he told me he'd be there, I had no clue when we would be. You had just bought the plane tickets and not given me any dates," I scolded. It wasn't so hard though. "And since I know you'll ask: I have no idea why I haven't told him since. The timing just hasn't seemed right. What if he thinks I made the plans after he told me he wasn't coming back from tour right away? What if he thinks I'm stalking him or some shit?" I asked rhetorically, finally reaching out to pick through clothes to take along.

My best friend audibly pushed up from my bed and I could hear him go over to my suitcase to sort it out. "Why the hell would he think that? You guys are friends. Friends don't stalk friends, and he probably knows that," he attempted to assure me. I giggled lightly at him. "So what are you going to do? Pretend like it's not happening and not ever tell him?" he pressed, truly interested now and not just mocking.

I was draping dresses and shirts over my arm. Probably a ton more than I would ever need since he would toss the majority of them aside, rejecting them for the trip. "No, I think that would be even worse. I'll text him when we get there or something. Say it was completely last minute," I decided with a shrug. Lying probably wasn't the best idea either, but it would be better than nothing at all. I finally went over to where Shawn was seated on my floor and let everything on my arm slid off. I dropped next to the pile, automatically starting to fold it all. "I don't want to have to think about it right now. It's stressing me out."

Shawn scoffed, already stacking the clothes I was folding into piles of what he wanted me to bring and what he knew needed to be left behind. "Stress is something you shouldn't have in your vocabulary right now!" he exclaimed. Hurriedly, I told him to keep it down so he didn't wake my dad. Apparently, it was too easy for him to forget that it was nearly four in the morning. "Do I really have to remind you that we just came back from the beginning of the end of our childhood? And that it was amazingly epic?" he inquired, lowering his voice some.

He was right; to some extent, at least. Everything was supposed to be carefree and fun at this moment in time. We had just seen a movie that was part of a series that had defined our lives and were now getting ready for the first real trip we had taken together in years, and the first one that we would be able to legally drink during. I shouldn't be worrying about anything, because what was there really to even worry about? With a deep breath, I vowed to myself that I was done for now. That I would fret over things when and if they actually got out of control. Until then, all there was to do was hang out with my best friend and finish packing before meeting up with his boyfriend to head to the airport.

I didn't sleep, but I don't think anyone would have really expected me to. Shawn had tried to pull the all-nighter with me but, like usual, I was waking him to make our flight before noon. My dad had surprisingly been home more than usual lately. So I had given him all the things and directions he needed to know to take care of Cook and gave them both a kiss before I left. It felt weird leaving them and as we pulled up to Jason's, I already couldn't wait to get back to them. The two boys were a flurry of excitement, having me caught up in it in no time. I was all smiles by the time we boarded the plane.

Each flight and layover seemed like a blur. We had gotten lucky, breezing by with no delays. But there was a lot of running and fast walking to our gates. I was overly pleased when our final flight landed and I knew a hotel bed was only a baggage claim, a long walk, and a cab ride away. While Shawn and Jason marveled at everything that passed by their windows, I sat staring at the empty text box on my phone. I was worrying again, like I had scolded myself for doing. At least I knew it was wrong to be doing it again. But I knew also that I needed to tell Jack sooner rather than later that I was in Vegas.

"Guess what," I eventually managed to type and send. Instead of locking my phone and patiently waiting for a reply like usual, I anxiously stared at the screen until it lit up again.

"The test results came in and your mom used to, in fact, be a man," he guessed, replying after only a minute or so.

I giggled, reading over it. I decided to skip telling him it would have been medically impossible to have once been a man and have three kids later in life. That would just be me stalling. "Close. Shawn planned this vacation with Jason. And they both decided to drag me along last minute. So I guess I get to stalk you in a different city now," I joked, hoping it would cushion any shock he may get. My teeth clamped down on my bottom lip, a simple reaction to the doubt that was building inside my gut at the possibility that he'd find this weird. The amount of time it took for him to respond, I was sure he was going to avoid me like the plague from now on.

I nearly jumped when my phone went off, lighting up from the idle state it had entered. The two boys on either side of me hardly appeared to notice since they were already paying rapt attention to what I was doing. "That's awesome! What hotel are you staying at? We definitely should get together tonight," the three of us read. I could feel my sigh of relief coming, but they were already going on about how they knew he'd be excited.

Ignoring them, I texted Jack back with where we were staying. His reply came quicker this time and he told me that we weren't too far apart. In the same message, he easily gave me the name of the hotel he was staying in and his room number, and made me promise to come over later after I'd gotten settled. I didn't even hesitate to tell him I would. Still not listening to the boys with me as we pulled up to our hotel, I pushed one of them out so I could get out of the cramped backseat. I didn't even know if it was Shawn or Jason. I was too distracted with relieved happiness.

After we retrieved all our bags from the trunk and paid the driver, we were off up to our room. I was back in the elation of being here. I joined in the suggestions of what we could do tonight, where we should eat later. As we mapped out plans for the rest of the day, it felt like we had already been here for days. It had been so long since we had been anywhere different. We latched onto the feeling the fresh air caused and I, for one, hoped it lasted long after we were back home. Otherwise, I was never going to want to leave.

The boys unpacked almost immediately, exploring the room as they stuffed their clothes in the drawers and closet. I never liked to remove my things from my luggage if I wasn't using them. I always, without fail, left something behind and spent a week being bummed about it. So I spread out on the bed I'd be sleeping in and let time pass at whatever speed it pleased for a while. They pulled me up after a while, claiming rest was for the weak and that we needed to have an adventure through the city before any of us got tired. I stared longingly at the now wrinkled comforter, but knew I wasn't here to attempt to sleep.

It was hard not to marvel at nearly everything we passed. We were being proper tourists and enjoyed being good at it. We found a place to eat lunch, spending maybe too long in the restaurant since we still couldn't get over that we were here. Once we were walking once more, Shawn dragged me in stores and Jason pulled me to admire different buildings. They were so different in the things that gave them simple joy, and yet complimented each other so well. That was what I found to be the greatest thing about all of us being someplace we had never been before.

We didn't get back to the hotel until evening. The entire day had been spent walking around and getting to know some of the city. Jason and Shawn were allowed the time to lie down and possibly even nap before ordering room service or going out again. I had to get ready to go see Jack though. I was sure he wouldn't really care what I looked like, but I still wasn't going to show up as is. After a quick shower, I redid my makeup and put on the clothes my best friend insist I wear. He had pulled my laptop out and was once more trolling another gossip site with his boyfriend.

"Wear your Jeffrey Campbells," Jason told me, briefly letting his eyes rest on me staring into my suitcase. He grinned before looking away.

I picked the heels up out of the bag, holding them toe-to-toe out in front of my face. "Are you sure?" I wondered, sounding as apprehensive as I felt. I was constantly afraid I was going to ruin these shoes.

Shawn snorted, expressing with that one noise that I may be insane for never wanting to wear them. "Your dad got them for you because they're meant to be worn by a shoe addict like yourself," he reminded. "Plus they'll actually give you a few inches… which you need."

Because I knew they'd probably force me, I was already in the process of putting the shoes on. I shot him a glare in response to his jab halfway through tying one, but continued on like it was nothing when I figured he wouldn't even notice. Telling them I would be back later, I headed out the door. I had already told Jack I was coming, and he had replied with the few directions to his hotel. I dug my phone out of my purse when I got outside and followed each word without a problem. I didn't notice until I was pushing my way through the front entrance that I was walking faster than normal. It was hard to slow my pace even after I realized. Clearly, I was more excited to see a friend than to be in Las Vegas.

His door opened after only a second when I knocked and his usual smile appeared more radiant than ever. "Kenley!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around me. "I'm not being a dick this time. You really did grow," he said once we'd parted and he was leading me into the room. The look on his face was one of both amusement and confusion.

I laughed, nodding. I bent my leg up behind me some, twisting my torso so he could see my foot. "It's the shoes. It's a whole new world to be 5'3"," I stated, putting my foot down and moving close to him. Without a thought, my arms went around his torso again. The damn feeling that I was still experiencing and still couldn't explain worked its way through my body as he reciprocated the affection. It was nice to be able to reach higher than the middle of his chest for once.

His lips connected with my forehead a moment before he rested his head atop mine. "Do you want to go get dinner? It's serious catch up time," he claimed.

I nodded. I couldn't have agreed more. "Yeah, I'd like that." I let him go them, easing out of his grip. He seemed slightly uneasy about something but still quite his cheery self.

"All right," he smiled at me. "I have to pee, so give me a minute." He paused a moment, looking like he wasn't sure if he really wanted to go to the bathroom. But he let go of my hands, which had been the last connection of our greeting and paced through the only other doorway in the room.

My eyes followed him until the door shut gently behind him. I let out a deep breath I had been holding for sometime without ever knowing it was actually in my lungs. A weight seemed to have lifted from my shoulders as I looked around the room a second, sitting on the edge of the bed when I didn't see a chair free of his clutter. The air seemed utterly different once again. It had felt great just to get away from Maryland, and it felt even better to be able to see Jack after so long apart. I didn't think anything would be able to dent the mood I could effortlessly be in for the rest of the night. Who would ever suspect that a phone vibrating in the grip of my hand would be able to do what I thought couldn't be done.

I hadn't put my phone away after I'd gotten here, and it made my hand shake some as it went off. The screen showed the preview to a text from Shawn, just some link he had surely been looking at on my laptop and thought was worthy enough to send to me. Still smiling, I unlocked the phone and patiently waited for the conversation to load so I could click on the link. It opened my web browser as soon as I did and took its time loading. Once it did, I was almost positive I wished I could go back in time and make myself never tap on it. I didn't want to see the picture that automatically made my stomach drop, all because I just knew it wasn't innocent like anyone could play it off to be. In the span of ten seconds, everything clicked. The conversation Alex and Rian had had with Jack at his birthday party, the texts on Alex's phone. The picture of him and the blond reality star I couldn't not know sorted it all out in my brain.

While all of this chaos arose in my skull, Jack emerged from the bathroom. He obviously didn't observe a change in me because he came back over to me on the bed and plopped down next to me. He was still smiling, never letting it falter. "So where do you want to go? I'm sure you're tired of walking, but there's an amazing place not too far from here," he insisted, trying his best to make it sound appealing enough that I wouldn't mind going on foot.

My jaw locked, keeping me silent much longer than a normal pause. Eventually, he looked at me to see why I wasn't answering and got a look that had the potential to turn someone to stone. "Are you fucking a playmate?" I demanded. It was hard not to continue to look at the page Shawn had sent me. I had already shot off the bed while the words left my mouth, filled with a rage that I couldn't explain just yet. My eyes were set into a hard glare as I stared at Jack. Were they their glowing yellow that he admired so much? I couldn't help but wonder, but I knew deep in me that I shouldn't care. I should only care about getting the truth.

"What are you talking about?" he questioned, his thick brows threading together as he stared up at me in confusion. Beneath them, the coffee eyes that had such an effect on me were seeping with worry. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

I threw my phone at him anyway. I didn't care what part of his body it landed on or if it hurt him in any way. If this was true, he had already hurt me deeper than I could do to him physically.

He picked the phone up, twisting it around a few times to get the screen right side up again. He scrolled around until he found the picture that had caused me to act like this. With a sigh, he set it on the bed beside him. "She was technically never a playmate," he informed me.

I threw my hands up, ready to smack his perfectly disheveled hair. Instead, I grabbed my phone, shoving it into the pocket of my cardigan. "You're not denying it though!" I screamed. "You're fucking her while you're fucking me. And you're…" This was where it became evident that I was not going to leave here in one piece. The reason why I was truly angry and felt betrayed was coming to the forefront of my mind from where it had been buried too deep for even me to know. I swallowed the lump in my throat and the words that I wanted to say. "You're here to celebrate her birthday with her, aren't you? Her birthday is weeks away! I fully understood that we couldn't see each other on my birthday because you were out of the country. But you hardly even saw me when you got home because you went on vacation. Probably on vacation with her," I speculated aloud. That was really just me being immature and throwing it out there. The look on his face told me I wasn't off. "Oh God! It was!" My hands covered my face before he could see my eyes welling with tears. "Why do I feel like I have to go scour the city to find Holly Madison and tell her we're being two-timed?" I muttered to myself.

"Why does any of this matter?" he questioned frantically. I could tell that he had stood up now, too. He was probably frustrated that I was so angry. Let him be frustrated, I thought. "You flat out told me that I didn't want to be your boyfriend. That I shouldn't want to be with you, Kenley. We are not together because you didn't want to be. So why does it matter who else I'm sleeping with?" he inquired. I pulled my hands away now, seeing the stern set to his jaw.

And I couldn't be mad at him for being mad. I only wanted to storm out of there and cry all by myself in my own hotel, my own room. "It matters because I told you things I hadn't told anyone, Jack," I whispered, turning to the side so he couldn't see my face. I was more than prepared to walk out now. "Because you make me feel so much better than anyone can." I took a deep breath, working my voice back up to at least a normal volume to finish. I wanted to scream it but I didn't think I could get there. "Because you were starting to make me believe. If someone as wonderful as you could come into my life, then why shouldn't I think there's someone in someplace that's got my back?" This subject hadn't been brought up in months, but these words meant so much. They were true, and they were ones I thought I would never be speaking after I had lost my grandmother.

I wasn't going to stick around for more. I hadn't gotten to yell because tears were coming too quickly. I turned away from him completely and paced hurriedly toward and then out the door. "Don't bother coming around anymore," I managed out before slamming it shut behind me.

I didn't get very far at all down the hall before my vision was too blurry to go as fast as I was. Maybe a foot or two. I slowed, wiping at my eyes with the back of my sleeve-covered hands. The biggest reason was pushing on the insides of my skull, begging to get out. I couldn't just let it bounce there. I had to say it aloud. "Because I love you, you dick," I sobbed to the empty confines of the corridor before me. For a moment, I stood there wrapped in only the sound of my crying. But eventually, I pushed on to get back to my hotel because I had always thought it was a mistake to get as involved with him as I did, and I would continue to tell myself that until I thought I was better.