A Sunrise On the East Side

Though my house was so close, I slept at Shawn's that night. It felt wonderful to fall into his bed, even if I was going to be sleeping on the edge while him and Jason cuddled all night. It simply was the best thing in the world to climb into a comfortable place after a great show as the one we'd just been to. Even comfortable though nearly on the floor with no room, I slept just as I would any other night -which meant hardly any. I was still in a good mood when I walked back to my house in the morning before anyone was even up. The sun was bright and was already drying up the dew in the grass. It made my spirit soar a little higher and prepared me for the day ahead, whether I would be spending it with my father or all alone.

Jack did call me. I answered in slight shock, having not expecting it at all. And he called the next day. And the next. We seemed to be on the phone together more often than not. It was strange to me, always talking to a boy that I had really just met. We were only beginning to learn things about each other as we were now. But it started to get more comfortable, more natural as the days went on and we ventured to new topics. Through all our conversations, even after telling him about being at the show and praising him on how good they did, we never mentioned either of our kisses. This would have bothered any other girl. But I took it as a good sign that maybe it really was only attraction and not deep emotion.

It was nice to be able to talk to him. We had spent so long living next to each other and hadn't ever really spoken then because I always ended up going to other kids' houses. He was one of the people that I had come back knowing and didn't automatically pretend like we had been best friends. I liked that about him. I liked that he was perfectly fine with getting to know me now. We had a lot of years to cover, and he liked to ask questions. That was where this wasn't so fun for me anymore. I had to tiptoe around a lot of my answers because I still wasn't sure how much of my problems I wanted to burden him with. What would he do when they were finally in his knowledge? I didn't want him to feel like he had to do anything.

I didn't tell Shawn about talking to Jack so often. I let him know that he had called like I had mentioned, but that was pretty much it. I didn't want him thinking into it more than he was supposed to just like I knew he would. My father also didn't know, even though we had spent Saturday together. I had a feeling he had wanted something to happen between Jack and I all along, and I didn't want him to think there really was. Not telling anyone on my end was all about not wanting people to think anything of it. I wanted to be able to talk to a boy without presumption by people I was with for the first time in so long. As far as I knew, nearly everyone on Jack's bus knew we were talking though. I had spoken to them all at least once when they stole the phone from him. This was something I had no problem with because at this point, who were they to judge me? Rian though thought it was hilarious.

Like the weird female specimen I was, my days were pretty much the same. I didn't flit around with a smile on my face because we were always talking and I didn't eagerly await for my phone to flash his name. I didn't notice any change in my mood, but that didn't stop everyone from thinking I was a bit happier, less negative from monotony. I had nothing to say to the accusations. That would just make everyone think I had something to deny. I was a little too concerned about what everyone thought.

Sitting on the deck as I had taken to doing since June began, my computer in front of me as per usual, I let the summer air caress my face. Shawn was lying across the deck, basking in the sun to work on his tan while Jason sat across from me with his feet propped up on the railing. We were all ignoring each other as we enjoyed the weather and the free time we were getting to spend together. Though they weren't speaking to focus solely on the sun, my phone was in my hands to occupy my time. Texting was an easy way around talking to Jack while I was with my best friend and I was taking full advantage of it in the moment. Our conversations weren't as satisfying this way though, and he kept insisting that he just call. I couldn't come up with a good enough excuse to leave Jason and Shawn out here for such a long period of time.

I looked up for a moment, my eyes set on Shawn a few feet from me. I was trying to come up with a reason they had to leave or a lie about who I would really be talking to. As my mind was going through a few possibilities, my phone began to blare an old Chiodos song. I jumped, my phone nearly flying from my hand. Both the boys looked at me, just as startled as I was by the sudden break in silence. I smiled sheepishly at them, cursing Jack rather loudly in my mind. I pushed myself up and told them I would be right back before I stepped into the house, unlocking my phone the moment I was alone.

"I told you no," I scolded, my phone pressed tightly to my ear as I walked into the living room. I threw myself on the couch, knowing I wouldn't get out of this any time soon.

Jack chuckled on the other end. "I'm a rockstar. I don't follow rules," he reminded me.

I scoffed. "Damn you and your lack of morales. What exactly is so important that we couldn't call each other in an hour like I promised?" I inquired. I curled my legs toward me, still warm from the baking sun. They would be freezing because of the air conditioning soon enough.

"You hate talking to me," he accused, sounding so offended that I almost believed it. I imagined him with his hand over his heart, an appalled expression overtaking his boyish face with its manly features.

"I think you just wish I hated talking to you. That way, you wouldn't have to hear my voice everyday," I countered.

"Your voice is actually why I called. It's comforting," he admitted, a serious tone saturating his words and I could tell he wasn't joking.

I could feel heat rushing to my cheeks as I flushed. I hadn't been expecting something so sweet to come from him. "Well, what do you want to talk about then?" I asked, changing the subject back to what we had started with. I ran a hand through my short hair, leaning back against the cushions.

Jack didn't say anything for a moment. I tried not to dwell on why, but it was hard. I kept telling myself that it couldn't be because he was worried about what my reaction would be to his suggestion. He laughed though, told Alex to shut up, and quickly apologized for the interruption. "Actually," he began, spacing his words out, "I was thinking we could talk about why you left Michigan." He was careful with the way he worded it.

This wasn't the first time he had tried to get the truth out of me. The other times though, he had worded the question in a way that I could give smart ass answers. Usually it was why did you come back to Maryland? My reply was usually again telling him that I wanted to see if I was ready to give up on my family. But his interest had been peaked at that party and he wasn't going to give up. And because of how persistent he was, I had actually been contemplating on telling him. With how often we were speaking, it was starting to look like less and less of a big deal.

I sighed, now sitting on my legs so I couldn't be jittery. He had obviously picked the right day to ask. "My… my mother found God. She told me that unless I accepted Him also, that I needed to get out of her house. I simply did her one better and left the state," I explained, my voice low in fear it would crack.

Jack didn't seem to notice. He moved right on, his voice holding sympathy but not coddling me. "So you don't believe in God?" he questioned. No accusation dripped from his words. He didn't seem one bit disgusted like so many people would be.

This instantly made me feel better. In a sense, anyway. It was something that he may just take my opinion into consideration on. Not automatically judge me and quit speaking to me over. "I guess you could say that," I answered honestly. "It's kind of… I don't see any evidence proving He exists. Certainly, there are miracles and such. But I kind of just think of a higher power. Really, the world is kind of just proving that God doesn't exist, you know?"

"What do you mean?" He seemed so interested in my explanation. He wasn't just asking to make me happy and shut me up.

"I told you about my grandma," I reminded him. I hadn't told him much, though. "She was a major reason I went to live with my mom again in the first place. She's so important to me. And to sit there and watch her suffer, to not remember anything about her life or that she had even eaten breakfast. If there was a God, why would he do that to people? Why would he make her not remember who I am?" I seethed. I hadn't wanted to get this far into it. I hadn't wanted to get this angry over the telephone. Already, I was trying to calm down. Anger was a stupid emotion to have. There was always supposed to be a good side to things, and I always tried to see that. This great debate that occurred way too often wasn't worth it anyway. "I wish you were here. It's much better to not know what to say when you're actually with the other person," I chuckled nervously after he had been quiet for a while.

"No, no," he responded quickly. "It's not that I don't know what to say. You have a logical point, and it takes a moment to mull it over. For the record, I wish I were there, too. I think you need a Jack hug," he told me, breaking the tension.

I smiled, glad he wasn't here to see me react in such a way. In all honesty, I was thinking that was exactly what I needed. "Thanks, Jack. We'll save it for when you come home," I suggested with a shrug of my shoulders like he could actually see it. "So now you know the big secret. I hope it's not a big let down from your expectations." I cast my eyes down, drawing circles on my knee with my fingertips. It was so weird that he now knew one of the things I had been keeping from nearly everyone outside Shawn.

Jack snorted on the other end of the line. "What? Did you think I thought you killed someone and were running from the cops?" he asked, laughing lightly. "I can't be let down because it's your life. You have a very good reason to have come back to Maryland. And instead of finding God, you found me," he claimed, his tone incredibly cheerful.

I giggled at his pretending to be egotistical, a hand over my lips to stifle it as I shook my head. "Does it really count if we kind of already found each other?" I wondered aloud.

"Psh. Of course it does! Even if it didn't, I'm completely willing to break the rules if you are," he stated, no more joking evident in the latter part. He was nowhere near me to see, but something about this made that weird feeling tingle across my fingertips.

Distantly, I could hear the back door opening, the screen door slamming shut like it always did. I didn't think anything of it though, too engrossed in the boy I was on the phone with. What did register with me was that I was blushing again, this time not really sure if I had a reason. "Breaking the rules seems to be what you do best. I guess I can be willing to break a few with you," I said slyly, letting the words spill out before I could stop them. After all I had forced myself to refrain from doing, here I was flirting with him. As I scolded myself, I heard a throat clear from in the house. My eyes flew up to land on Shawn leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed. "I have to go Jack," I spit out hurriedly, and hung up once I heard him accept that and say bye.

Shawn's expression hadn't changed in the few seconds I hadn't been looking at him. It was a mixture of elation, hurt, and anger. Three things that didn't go together. I wasn't sure how I felt about being the one to put them all on his face. "Talking to Jack, I see. Didn't feel the need to tell me?"

Claiming you know better than to lie to or keep something from your friends is like promising your orthodontist that you're going to wear your retainers all the time. It in itself is a lie. You always try to keep the promise, to not utter a lie or not tell partial truths. But in the end, the inevitable happens and you're getting scolded and someone's angry at you. I had brought this on myself, and yet I would still try to talk myself out of it. "I promise you, it's no big deal. It's not like I'm secretly dating him behind your back. Talking to a friend, that's all this is," I assured him. Maybe this wasn't so much talking myself out of anything. It really was what I believed to be the truth.

Shawn frowned, making it look like it was physically painful to turn his lips down. It happened so little that I wouldn't doubt it really was. "Yet you still felt the need to keep it from me," he pointed out a bit harshly. I had no doubt that I deserved that tone of voice.

I sighed and stood up, throwing my phone into the pillows. It had caused me enough trouble today. I would be fine without it until much later. "Because I didn't think it was important. You want something to come of a simple slew of kisses so badly. But I don't think anything will and I'm not going to fight for it since I could care less," I told him, walking over to him and letting my hand rest on his arm. I wanted to pry it away from the other so they weren't crossed anymore. "As my best friend, you will be the first to know if anything more than talking happens with Jack Barakat," I pledged, staring up at him with the look I always gave him so he knew I was serious.

Shawn breathed in deep, letting it out slowly. He still wasn't looking at me. His eyes were locked far above my head, staring at a blank wall so he could think over if he really, truly wanted to stay mad at me. After a silent moment, he glanced down at me and let a tiny smile appear on his face. "We don't have to do the Boy Meets World handshake to make it official. But you better tell me, Kenley," he demanded, finally letting his arms drop and wrapping them around me.

I giggled, snaking my arms around his waist and squeezing tight. "Are you sure? We have that shit on lock," I noted. We had spent countless hours watching just that one episode to simply copy that handshake. He nodded, chuckling with me. But he was still waiting for me to give final confirmation that I was not going to keep it from him. "You have my word, Shawn. The moment feelings decide they finally want to reside in me and it's connected to Jack, I will tell you." I didn't even realize it, but a small part of me was hoping that I would be able to inform him of something in the future.