The Redhead, and The Dreamer.

Is it strange for me to say that it really didn’t feel right for me to try to plot out any sort of stageside set for the Ribosome Festival that year without writing at least one new song of my own to center it around? I mean, I had changed so much, and it felt like all the older songs that I had written weren’t really telling my story to anyone who was willing to listen to me anymore. It felt more like I was a stranger, looking in on the life of a girl who had it easy. This girl never really worried about what she was going to wear the next morning. She was crazy in love with a boy who she swore she was going to marry one day. She had a mother who knew every one of her secrets, and she wasn’t scared to even tell the middle aged woman about them in the first place either. I kind of missed that girl sometimes, but then I remembered, nobody really liked that girl all that much. Nobody was particularly sad she ever left in the first place.

The main question was, what could someone like me write a song about? I mean, I wasn’t in a relationship, and I was for the most part done following Ethan and Crystal around, hoping he’d realize I was the one he actually wanted. I wasn’t close to anyone in my family anymore. There was no way I could write a song to or for any of them. I didn’t really have any close friends since Crystal and I stopped talking. I was really at a loss, and it did nothing but piss me off to even sit around at home, school, on the bus, and where ever else I might’ve been just trying to think of words or a melody that just refused to come to me. It was a little bit like this song that I knew was inside me and I were playing some incredibly childish game of hide and seek, and I was the one unlucky enough to be ‘it’ this round. Sometimes, in the past, my songs would just simply find me when I least suspected them too, but this time, it was my job to be the hunter. It really was a shame that I was horrible at it, but there wasn’t anything I could do. I guess I was just going to have to sit around here and there and wait, like I always seemed to be doing, for it to find me.

I strummed mindlessly on my guitar for what seemed like weeks, even though it had only been a couple days. I hummed. I pouted. I even stood on the edge of just crying and begging some invisible force, but nothing really seemed to be working. Maybe I just was a songwriter anymore? It didn’t seem like the sort of thing that someone could grow out of as they got older, but maybe it truly was?

Ethan could still do it though. I wanted to be better than he was. I had to. If he was going to make me feel horrible just because I apparently wasn’t good enough for him, there was no way I was going to let him be better than I was at one of the few things I still loved. Music was my thing. It had to be. I didn’t want to change that much. Hadn’t I already changed enough, or maybe the damage was already was done and I just was one of those ignorant types who couldn’t take a hint until it nearly literally slaps me in the face?

“Okay, I get it,” I said. Wait. I hummed the words to myself and smiled. I’d got it. The only question was, was it good enough of a start to lead into a whole decent song. I guess I’d just have to wait and see what happened at Ribosome.

*Scroll past lyrics here if you want*

Right Out the Sky-

Okay, I get it...
You're never gonna sweat it.
Let the blood spill out on the floor.

Okay, come closer.
You're just a little poser.
I don't want to know who you are anymore.

And sometimes...
All we can do is dance...
And sing a little louder.

But now I...
I've finally got a chance...
To be a little prouder.

-Chorus-

So if you wanna fly...
I can fly...
Twice as fast.

And if you...
Wanna fall...
I'll race you to the ground...
And never look back.

You never thought...
That I could go so crazy.

But I never knew...
That you were always faking.

So if you wanna fly...
I'm gonna shoot you...
Right out the sky.

-End Chorus-

Okay, you're sorry.
You wanna make me worry...
But I just don't have the words now.

To say you're stupid...
Trying to sit here playing cupid...
When you don't know what you're talking about.

You're beautiful.
I think you always knew...
But now I kinda hate you.

No matter what...
I gotta keep going through...
And at the very least beat you.

-Repeat Chorus-

You've got some explaining to do.
You've got some explaining to do.
You've got some explaining to do...
And it's just like you...
To just leave me waiting.

So if you wanna fly...
I can fly too.

And if you wanna fall...
Then fall...
So I can finally laugh it all off.

You never thought...
That I could go so crazy.

But I never knew...
That you were always faking.

So if you wanna fly...
I'm gonna shoot you...

-Repeat Chorus-

Okay, I get it.
She's just so god damn perfect.
I could never be like her.